Alter Egos
by fandm-writer
Summary: A collection of one-shots that focus on Snowbarry and Team Flash.
1. Alter Ego

**Alter Ego**

 _ **Noun**_

A person's secondary or alternative personality.

● An intimate and trusted friend.


	2. Super Suit

**This is sorta a parody of the scene from Incredibles. I've always thought this scene was funny and I've always wanted to apply it to one of my OTPs. I noticed there isn't one for the Snowbarry fic-verse (that I know of) so I decided to contribute. You'll probably be able to enjoy this even if you've never seen the movie.**

 **(Also want to apologize in advance for spamming everyone with updates, everything from this to Cracks in the 4th Wall is all my older SB one-shots that i will be adding to the first half of this book)**

...

It was early in the evening when Barry Allen stood in the dining room that belonged to him and Caitlin. He was laying out the plates and silverware on the table. Meanwhile, Caitlin was in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on dinner.

It had been almost a year since the pair had gotten married.

In the midst of the chaos that was Central City, Barry and Caitlin had finally carved out enough time for a date night. There had been no villains or dangerous meta-humans running amuck in the city that week, so it seemed like they could finally have some alone time.

Barry couldn't help but smile as he set the table. For the first time in a long while, things were finally going smoothly. Then he glanced out the large picture window and his eyes widened.

Since they lived in an apartment several stories up they usually had a good view of the city. Normally it would've been beautiful in the evening time. Except when Barry looked up, he saw what appeared to be a large robot rampaging through the streets. A yellow bolt of lightning was hot on its heels.

 _Wally._

Normally, Barry probably would've been fascinated by the piece of machinery, who wouldn't have been? Except it was currently destroying his city as it attempted to keep Kid Flash off of it.

Barry immediately sped to his closet to retrieve his suit. When he didn't find it, he raced to S.T.A.R Labs. After thoroughly searching there, he sped back home. Barry ran down the hall and into the bedroom again, desperately trying to find it.

"Honey?" Barry called.

"What?" Caitlin replied from the kitchen.

"Where's my super suit?" He questioned, leaning out of the bedroom doorway.

"What?"

"Where is my super suit?" He spoke a little louder.

"I uh...put it away," Caitlin answered.

Barry didn't even have to see her to know she was sheepishly shrugging as she spoke.

"Where!" He asked again, beginning to look through other rooms.

"Why do you need to know." He could hear the skepticism in her voice.

"I need it," Barry argued.

He heard Caitlin walk out of the kitchen, she gasped ever so slightly as she looked out the window. There was silence for a few moments.

"Darn it, we've been planning this dinner for two months." Caitlin frowned, as she joined Barry in the hall.

"I know, I know," Barry ran his hands along her arms and brought them down to hold her hands, "But the city is in danger."

"Our evening is in danger." She answered, still frowning.

"Yeah, but we're talking about the greater good here." Barry protested.

"First, I'm your wife, I thought I was the greatest good you were ever gonna get. And secondly, you know as well as I do that Wally can handle it." She teased. "You just want to fight the giant robot."

Barry stammered for a few moments. "But...I mean...I...it's a giant robot, Cait. How many chances are we gonna get to do that?"

Caitlin just smiled and rolled her eyes. "My drawer, bottom, right."

"Thank you!" Barry sped away in a whoosh of air.

In less than a second, he was back in front of Caitlin, now donning his Flash suit.

"Hey, you should come with me," Barry suggested.

"No." Caitlin immediately protested. "No, no, no, no."

Caitlin had long since gotten control over her ice abilities and had been training in order to fine-tune them.

"Come on, Cisco and I both think you're ready." Barry pressed.

"Barry, you know I don't like to use my powers more than necessary." She argued.

"I know, but they're not something you have to be afraid of anymore," Barry stated, putting a hand on her shoulder and dropping to her eye level.

"Come on, Caitlin, you're such a hero. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. We all wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. You've saved us all so many times." Barry pleaded, looking into her eyes.

"I think it's time you step out into the light and show this city just how much of a hero you are. Show them the real you." He added.

Caitlin looked at him with uncertainty for a few moments longer. Then finally here eyes softened. "Alright," she agreed.

Barry grinned.

"Just let me go get my suit." She began to make her way towards their bedroom.

A few moments later Caitlin leaned out the doorway.

"Barry, where's _my_ super suit?" She called.

There was another gust of air, then suddenly her suit was in her arms.

"Thank you." She chimed quietly.

A few minutes later Barry and Caitlin stood on the edge of their building. They had figured it would be less conspicuous if they took off from higher up.

"You know, if we hurry, we might still be done in time for dinner," Barry spoke.

"They would be nice." Caitlin nodded.

"Hey, maybe we could consider this apart of date night. Like a couples activity." Caitlin suggested, trying to stay positive despite the interruption.

"Exactly," Barry answered, "See it's not so bad."

"And besides," he added, I'm not complaining. I mean that suit...wow. You should wear it more..."

Barry was cut off by Caitlin lightly punching him on the arm. "Mr. Allen!"

"Yes, Mrs. Allen." He teased.

Caitlin rolled her eyes, eliciting laughter from Barry.

"You wanna race?" Barry asked as he got into position to speed off.

Barry might've been the fastest man alive, but Caitlin did have the advantage of moving through the air. While Barry had to stick to the ground, for the most part.

"You're on, Flash." Her blue lips curled into a smirk.

Within seconds, Barry became nothing but a red blur, just as Caitlin took to the air using her ice slide.

Maybe their night wasn't ruined after all.


	3. Platinum

**Prompt idea from daydise on Archive Of Our Own. (Posted with their permission.)**

...

Caitlin Snow looked in the mirror, as a girl with stark white hair stared back at her. She immediately looked away and continued getting ready for work.

She hated her hair.

It was a constant reminder that she was no longer herself. It made her feel like she stuck out.

Though her powers remained, everything, for the most part, had returned back to normal. Her eyes were no longer the almost white, her personality shifts had long since gone away, and she now had good control over her abilities.

After Barry's return, she had even been welcomed back to the Labs with open arms. Though Caitlin wasn't sure she would ever fully be who she once was, she had resumed her work. She had been hoping her hair would return to its normal, darker shade, but it hadn't so far.

Over the past several weeks Caitlin had been trying to make it less obvious. She had put it up in a bun, or pinned it back a certain way, but it was to no avail. She had even worn a scarf on her head the previous day. That was until Barry had pulled her aside and tried to assure her that her hair was fine.

Still though, as she stood in the bathroom she found herself seriously considering picking up some hair dye after work. Caitlin sighed heavily and put the finishing touches on her appearance. She twisted her hair into a tight bun.

Caitlin gave herself one last look in the mirror. Then a small layer of frost appeared on it, causing it to crack. She turned out the light and left for work.

She hated her reflection.

...

The elevator doors that lead to S.T.A.R Labs opened and Caitlin stepped inside.

"Morning, Caitlin," Cisco called from his lab.

"Good morning, Cisco." She echoed back.

Guilt still constantly hung above Caitlin like a cloud. After all that had happened, after everything she'd done, she couldn't understand how they had welcomed her back so easily. Why they had been so quick to trust her again. She shook her head to clear it and immediately headed into her office, her shoulders sagging just a little bit more.

Caitlin swiped a clipboard from her desk and began to pour over the data on the papers. She slowly walked back towards the lab, still focused on the pages in front of her. She needed something to occupy her mind.

As she did so, Cisco walked by, carrying some new piece of equipment he had been working on. Caitlin saw something in her peripheral that made her look up at Cisco in shock. It wasn't the new tech he was carrying, nor was it anything he was doing at that moment.

It was because Cisco's shoulder-length hair was now platinum blonde.

Caitlin's eyes widened. "What happened to your hair?" She blurted.

Cisco glanced at her. "Oh this," he gestured to his head. "Just trying something new." He shrugged.

Caitlin furrowed her brow skeptically. "Really, and you're telling me it's a coincidence that it's the exact same shade as mine?"

"Maybe I just like the color." Cisco defended, as he sat down in his office chair and spun around in a circle.

Caitlin was about to reply when a gust of wind swept through the lab, signaling Barry's arrival.

"Morning, Cait." He greeted as he stopped beside them.

"Barry!" Caitlin practically screeched, "Not you too." She stared at his also white hair.

"What?" Barry shrugged. "I think it suits me."

"This isn't funny, guys." Caitlin crossed her arms.

"What are you up to? Are you...making fun of me." She crumpled in on herself a bit. "Or did you lose a bet or something?"

"What? No, no, that's not it at all." Cisco pipped up.

"It's just, it's been pretty obvious that you've been trying to hide your hair the past couple days." Barry continued, "We just didn't want you to feel uncomfortable or like you don't fit in." He added.

"You did that for me. Even after everything." Her expression softened.

"Of course, Caitlin. We're just happy to have you back. We missed you."

Caitlin still looked uncertain.

"Listen, we forgive you for everything, and you should forgive yourself," Barry answered sincerely.

Barry gently put his hands on the sides of her shoulders. "And you should know that it doesn't matter whether your hair is dark brown, or white, or even purple."

Tears began to well in Caitlin's eyes, and she gave Barry a slight smile.

"You're still our Caitlin, even if you are a little bit different. We would happily dye our hair for the rest of our lives if it meant you felt better." Barry assured.

"Thank you," Caitlin whispered, her voice breaking slightly.

Barry immediately opened his arms and Caitlin stepped forward wrapping her arms around him. He gently rubbed a calming circle on her back and kissed the top of her head.

Barry and Caitlin then reached out to their other arms to let Cisco in as he joined the embrace as well.

For just a few moments everything felt right, as the three white-haired Team Flash members, shared a group hug.


	4. Mending

_**Song**_ **:** _Nightingale, by Demo Lovato_

 **This was actually My first ever Snowbarry fanfiction. Sorry if this is cheesy, but I had this idea for a while and I really wanted to share it. Thanks for reading everybody.**

...

The Flash was bleeding as he laid on the cold, hard pavement.

The click of heels resonated through the air as the girl with platinum hair slowly walked towards his fallen form. She clutched a sharp, and wicked-looking icicle in her hand. Killer Frost had taken control once again. She was angry about Savitar's death and had ended up going on a rampage.

Barry knew he shouldn't have let Caitlin go off on her own. That was the whole reason this had happened in the first place, because he hadn't been there for her. Looking back he can't help but think maybe if he'd tried harder, if he'd been there, maybe they could've stopped Killer Frost from taking control.

Barry let out an almost bitter laugh. That was the irony of the whole situation, Caitlin had spent so much time saving them all, and patching them up. Yet, when push came to shove, they couldn't even do the same for her.

Barry exhaled an exhausted breath and let his head rest against the ground. He stared up at the swirling mass of storm clouds in the sky above him. They were dark and angry, viciously hurling snow to the ground below. It was coming down so fast that even in the short time the Flash had been laying there, it had already started to cover him.

Barry was fairly certain Killer Frost was the cause of it.

As she continued to draw closer, the world seemed to shift into slow motion.

Barry didn't move, he was so tired. His body ached all over, not only from his recent encounter with Killer Frost but from the week's battles in general.

It had been particularly hectic lately, and Barry was starting to suspect he wasn't healing properly. It was taking much longer than it used to. He knew why too. Barry had been a lot busier than usual, and he hadn't been eating as often as he needed to. He was also beginning to realize that one of the recent broken bones hadn't healed correctly either. More specifically his wrist.

As Barry laid there he couldn't help but think that if Caitlin were 'around', she would've known exactly what to do. She's would've fixed him up like she always did.

First, she would've scolded him for being so reckless, but then slowly and methodically she would've gone about repairing his battered and broken body. She would've set all his fractured bones and maybe even given him a cast or two. She would've made sure he was eating properly and then double-checked his vitals. She had always been his proverbial Nightingale.

Now she was gone and it was all his fault. He had taken her for granted. How could he have been so selfish? So wrapped up in his own problems that he hadn't noticed her slowly breaking?

As she stood over him with cold and unforgiving eyes, Barry felt like he deserved whatever he got.

Killer Frost had been the true monster of his own making, not Savitar.

Now _his_ Caitlin was gone, and before him was the ice-cold remnant of who she used to be. Killer Frost's grip tightened around her icicle as she prepared to skewer it through the Flash.

Barry still didn't move, he was beyond the point of caring. His eyelids suddenly felt like they weighed a ton and he could feel unconsciousness slowly creeping upon him. He wasn't sure if it was from his injuries, or because it had been far too long since he had last eaten. Probably both.

Through the haze, a fond memory suddenly came rushing back. A memory that seemed a million miles away now. A memory filled with laughs, alcohol, karaoke, and evil dresses. Barry began to slowly and quietly hum the lyrics to himself.

 _"Summer lovin', had me a blast."_

The funny thing was, Barry hadn't started singing it as a last-ditch effort to reach Caitlin. He had done it because he was pretty certain he was about to die and he wanted it to be the last thing he heard. He wanted to spend his final moments remembering a more happy and simple time. He wanted to remember how Caitlin used to be, before he messed her life up.

 _"Summer lovin', happened so fast."_ His voice was so quiet he didn't think she could hear him.

All movement on Killer Frost's part halted. She stood motionless.

"What did you say?" Barry thought he heard her whisper.

Barry continued, more to himself than anything." _Met a girl, crazy for me_." His eyes were just barely open now.

Killer Frost lowered her icicle, a strange and unreadable look on her features. The snowstorm above them began to slow.

The last thing Barry saw was the icicle slipping from Caitlin's grasp and shattering on the pavement. Then his eyes closed and he breathed out slowly, feeling his last bit of cognitive awareness leave him.

Somewhere in the darkness, he heard a voice whisper back, " _Met a boy, cute as can be."_

Then he blacked out.

...

When Barry awoke, it was to the sound of a rapid heart monitor. If it had belonged to a normal person it would've been worrisome, but it was just about right for him.

He opened his eyes only to be greeted by the familiar sight of S.T.A.R Labs. He was laying on a gurney, another familiar thing for him. His right arm had an IV in it and an oximeter on his index finger. He glanced over at a stack of empty IV bags on the table next to him.

Barry also soon realized that several areas on him had been bandaged, complete with a cast on his incorrectly healed wrist. Barry slowly sat up, he was still a little sore but he didn't feel like he was dying, so that was a plus.

He swung his legs over the edge of the gurney and began to remove the IV. Suddenly a voice came from the doorway, causing him to jump.

"Don't do that!" Caitlin spoke loudly.

Barry immediately looking up to see Caitlin standing in the doorway, still fully decked-out in her Killer Frost uniform.

"Caitlin," Barry exclaimed, hope rising within him.

Then suddenly her dark brown eyes turned blue so light they were almost white. It was as if some invisible wall had snapped into place.

"Don't call me that." She hissed sharply, before turning to leave.

Like lightning, Barry used his speed to move across the room, taking the IV poll with him. He caught her by the wrist, and she turned back, giving him a warning look. Barry remained silent for a beat, simply staring into her bright, harsh eyes.

"T...thank you." He finely spoke, his voice low.

She blinked, stunned for a second or two.

"Well don't get used to it," she tore her wrist from his grasp, "I won't be around to fix you every time you decide to go and get yourself hurt, Flash." She muttered in annoyance.

Barry probably should've been hurt, but all he could do was grin. That had sounded awfully familiar.

"What?" Caitlin narrowed her eyes at him.

"Nothing." Barry shook his head, still smiling.

Barry stood there awkwardly, neither of them really moving.

After a while, Caitlin spoke. "Not that I care, but you shouldn't be up, you need to be resting. You certainly shouldn't be using your speed. I didn't fix you, just so you could undo it the moment you woke up." She almost scolded.

Barry nodded and mumbled an apology before making his way back to the gurney. He laid back down on the curved bed, placing the poll next to him.

"Where is everyone else?" Barry looked around in confusion.

"Out looking for you probably," She replied. "They don't know you're here yet.

As Barry sat on the gurney he began to look over the cast on his wrist. Caitlin Frost suddenly gave him a disapproving look.

"What now?" He questioned, exasperated.

"Honestly," she started, her hands unconsciously moving to her hips, "How could you be so careless?"

"You were starving almost half to death, and your wrist had been incorrectly set. Not to mention your other untreated injuries." She spoke accusingly. "I thought you were better than that, Flash."

Even though her eyes were still white, Barry knew this wasn't Killer Frost. Whether she knew it or not, this was all Caitlin Snow.

"I'm sorry?" He offered. "I just...I've been really busy, we've had a crime wave these past few weeks and I just..." he started to try and explain.

Killer Frost shook her head. "Nevermind," she muttered before turning to once again leave.

"Wait. Cait, please don't leave. Just come home." Barry pleaded.

"I told you, I don't have a home. There's no place for me here anymore." She snapped.

"Yes you do, there will always be a place for you here, no matter what. We can fix this." Barry argued.

"I don't need fixing, Barry." Caitlin shot back. "This is who I am now."

"You're right you don't, not in the traditional sense, anyway. You're powers, they're apart of you. Just like my speed is apart of me." Barry explained. "And I'm sorry I didn't see that. Instead of trying to 'cure' you I should've been helping you learn to control it. I'm sorry, this is my fault." He stated.

Her expression softened, and if only for a moment, her eyes flickered.

"But this. Killer Frost, this isn't you. I think Killer Frost is less of personality and more like an armor." Barry continued quietly. "It's like she's all your pain and sadness and anger. But it doesn't have to control you, Cait."

Killer Frost's eyes still glowed, but she didn't move, she didn't even say a word. That told Barry he was reaching Caitlin on at least some level.

"Please, just come back. We can fix this, we can fix you, but not in the traditional sense." Barry pleaded. "Because you were right, you're broken. You've been broken for a long time. We were supposed to be your friends, but we never took the time to help you mend. I'm sorry for that too."

A small tear slipped down her cheek, freezing after a few seconds.

"If you let us, I'd like to try and set that right. Please." Barry spoke genuinely.

Slowly, the bright glow in her eyes dimmed, within a few seconds they were back to their original color. The room felt like it warmed up at least ten degrees.

Caitlin drew in a heavy breath, before slowly walking over to his left side, and sitting on the edge of the gurney.

"I don't know if it can ever be the same again." Caitlin hung her head, "I'm not sure the others will be as forgiving." She glanced over at Barry, a sad smile on her soft features.

She looked tired, so very tired. At that moment, Barry wanted nothing more than to hug her and reassure her that everything was going to be okay.

So that's what he did. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her. To his surprise she didn't resist, instead, she burrowed deeper into the embrace. Barry was surprised to find he was still exhausted. Slowly he began to lay back, once again he was surprised when Caitlin followed, still holding him tightly.

Soon she was laying on the gurney next to him, boots and all. She had her arms rested on his torso, while he had one arm around her shoulders.

"Of course they will, Caitlin," Barry replied to her previous statement, bringing his hand up and gently running it through her porcelain colored hair.

"We all care about, and we know it wasn't your fault," Barry assured.

"It wasn't yours either," Caitlin commented.

There was silence for a few moments.

"We need you," Barry whispered. "I mean, clearly," he gestured to himself, "I'm a mess without you." He chuckled.

Caitlin didn't respond, she simply held him a little tighter.

"We'll get through this, I know we will. We can go back to being Team Flash, or Team FlashFrost, or FlashFrostVibe. Or even SnowBarryCisco. Whatever you want." Barry said quietly.

Caitlin let out a small giggle, the vibration tickling Barry's chest. He decided that her laugh was his new favorite sound, and he vowed to make an effort to hear it more often.

"I hope you're right." She murmured, sounding almost groggy.

Barry continued to brush his fingers through her hair, as she relaxed even more against him. Comfortable silence settled over them.

After a while, he looked down to check on her, only to find she had fallen asleep. Barry simply smiled, he was just happy to be back, and to have her back. He pulled her closer, if that were even possible, and settled in. She had said he needed to be resting anyway.

With a smile on his face and a bit of hope in his heart, Barry soon drifted off as well.

Needless to say, when Cisco arrived hours later, he was shocked to find Barry and Killer Frost themed Caitlin, curled up on a gurney. Both still fast asleep.

Cisco probably should've been annoyed or worried, but all he could do was smile.

Somehow, from that point on, he knew everything was going to be okay.


	5. Stitches

**Alternate ending to 'Girls Night Out'**

...

Silence reigned as Barry Allen stood motionless, his eyes fixed on Caitlin Snow.

His head was pounding, but he couldn't seem to focus on that anymore. He was too shocked by the fact he had just witnessed her change from Killer Frost as if it were as natural as breathing.

"I can explain everything, guys." Caitlin's voice echoed through the room.

A look of confusion and shock rested on Barry's features. Seconds passed, and Caitlin's gaze drifted over to him. For an instant, their eyes met and he saw a look ghost across her face.

Fear? Apprehension? Anxiety?

"B...but first let me get cleaned up." Caitlin glanced down at her appearance.

That's when it hit Barry, blood was seeping through her jacket, and an array of cuts and bruises riddled her delicate features. He didn't miss the slight limp she tried to conceal as she walked away, either.

After a few moments, everybody else dispersed. Something about getting coffee. But Barry didn't register it, he was too caught up in the wave of anger and fear that washed over him.

Finally, Barry managed to snap himself out of his trance. In less than a millisecond he was down the hall and parked firmly in front of Caitlin.

She was momentarily shocked, her hair blown back by the gust he created.

"Cait, what happened?" Barry question, a note of urgency in his tone.

"It's fine, Barry." She assured quietly.

"It's not fine." Barry answered, briefly reaching out to touch one of the cuts on her cheek, "You're not fine."

"It's alright," Caitlin stated adamantly.

She moved to walk around him, still struggling to hide her limp. "I'll tell you and others in just a minute," Caitlin added.

"Caitlin, please." He called.

She paused, partially turning back to face him.

"You're bleeding," Barry stated.

She was silent for a beat.

"Not anymore," Caitlin whispered, her posture falling ever so slightly.

Barry took a step forward, clearing the district between them.

"Can I see?" He asked softly, putting a hand on her lower arm.

She hesitated for a moment, then nodded.

Caitlin shrugged off the blue jacket, revealing a long stitched up gash on her arm.

Barry felt his stomach drop. One because of the sheer size of the wound. Two, because the moment Barry saw it, he knew. Caitlin had patched him up more times then he could count, he knows what her stitches look like.

"You stitched yourself up?" Barry blurted before he could stop himself.

"Who else was going to?" Caitlin replied.

It hurt how calm it sounded when she spoke, what hurt even more was that Barry knew she was right. After all, this was the woman who had basically performed surgery on herself.

It was at that moment Barry made a promise to himself, a vow really.

He was going to make sure that she never has to fix herself up again, not alone. Given how fast he could read, there was really no excuse for him not to know about the subject. He could read through a whole med-school college textbook in a minute flat, and that's exactly what he planned to do.

Barry leaned down to further inspect the gash. He then realized that a few stitches had popped opened, blood slowly oozing out.

"You're bleeding again," Barry informed.

"Crap," Caitlin muttered under her breathe, as she looked down at it.

"I'll be right back..." She started.

"Let me help." Barry pleaded.

Caitlin stared at him for a second, before nodding once more.

Barry stepped forward to pick her up. Caitlin didn't protest, she just looked tired.

As he put his arms around her she nearly collapsed into him, a testament to how tired she truly was. But Barry didn't say anything, he just looped his arms beneath her legs and sped away with her.

When he stopped and set her down, it wasn't in the main infirmary. Instead, it was a smaller medical room that rarely got used. He knew her well enough to know she probably didn't want to be around the others right now. She's exhausted and the last thing she needed was to be bombarded with questions.

As soon as Barry set her down, he went to work gathering the supplies needed. Antiseptic, gloves, a needle, and some medical thread.

He may not have been as well versed as he wished he was, but he knew enough basic first aid that he could do this. Given how many times she's saved his life, he owed her this much.

Quickly, Barry took off his over jacket and rolled up his sleeves. He washed his hands, scrubbing up to his elbows, and put on a pair of sterile rubber gloves. Within seconds he had himself together and the needle ready. The first thing he did was clean the wound. Once he had all the blood cleaned up, he set to work repairing the stitches.

All the while, Caitlin just sat there calmly, a stark contrast to how he had been the first time she had patched him up.

"Who did this to you?" Barry eventually spoke, breaking the silence.

Caitlin let out a slow, soft sigh.

"Amunet Black. She's a meta-human crime lord."She admitted. "I...Killer Frost, used to work for her."

"She wanted me back, but I wouldn't go. So..." Caitlin trailed off, glancing at the wound.

Barry knew he had heard the name from Joe before, but he committed it to memory anyway. Because now it had meaning, it wasn't just a name in an endless sea of threats that loomed over Central City. It's a person, a person who had now found their way to his personal shit-list.

Caitlin closed her eyes and took a breath, as if the events of the evening were just sinking in. By then, the speedster had finished fixing the stitches. He pulled off his rubber gloves, tossing them in a nearby trash can.

Barry then dropped to one knee, now at eye level with Caitlin.

"Hey, we'll find her," Barry assured, taking her hand in his. "We won't let her get away with this."

"Something tells me we won't have to," Caitlin stated, a deep frown on her features.

"Amunet, She holds grudges." Caitlin added, "I messed up her whole operation tonight. She'll be back. She promised me that much."

"Then when she does, we'll be ready." Barry assured, "I won't let her hurt you again, I promise."

"Thank you," Caitlin whispered, a small smile tugging at her lips. It was the first one Barry had seen all evening.

Barry gave her hand a squeeze before rising to his feet.

"Are you hurt anywhere else? And what about that limp you were trying to hide?" The speedster inquired, giving her a knowing look.

"It's just a bruise, there's nothing that can really be done about it." Caitlin gestured to her leg.

"And I'm not hurt anywhere that I haven't already dressed." She added.

"Can I check anyway?" Barry asked.

Caitlin rolled her eyes, "Sure." She then lifted up the sleeve on her opposite arm. It was painted with cuts, bruises, and another stitched up cut.

Barry didn't know who Amunet Black was, but it was right then and there he decided he hated her. He was going to make sure they caught her.

Barry took a closer look at the injuries, ignoring the odd feeling in his stomach and chest. To the best of his knowledge, they were alright, so Caitlin lowered her sleeve.

"Thank you," Caitlin spoke as she stood, collecting her bloodied jacket.

"It's the least I can do," Barry replied.

Caitlin headed for the door.

"Hey, Cait." He called after her.

She turned back, more relaxed than before.

"Are you okay?" He asked, sincerity in his words.

He knew the answer. He could tell by the way she carried herself, or the way she talked, how quiet she was. It reminded him of how she was the day of HR's funeral. Except it was more subtle, yet somehow worse. It was less like fresh hurt, and more like a deep pain that had settled into her very being.

It made Barry's chest psychically hurt.

He knew the answer, but his question wasn't just an empty gesture either. He was testing the waters because he was painfully aware that they hadn't had a proper talk yet. They hadn't talked about her powers or about everything that happened.

And he knew better than anyone that they needed too.

Barry watched as a war raged within Caitlin, it's like a wall was collapsing and she was desperately scrambling to keep it up. Finally, she relented, her eyes meeting his.

"No," Caitlin answered, her voice horse and fractured.

"No." She repeats, more to herself this time.

Barry didn't waste any time stepping forward and wrapping her in his arms. And she doesn't waste any time in sinking into his embrace. This moment was long overdue anyway.

"I haven't been okay for a long time." She added.

"I know." Barry whispered, stroking her hair, "I know."

Barry felt the tears seep through his shirt before he heard the nearly silent sobs. After a few moments, her knees began to give out, so Barry let himself go with her as she sank to the floor.

He knew it probably looked odd, but he didn't care. He knew that she needed this, knew that she just needed to let it all out. So he let her. He let her cry into his shoulder, not caring how wet it got.

Barry knew they'd talk later, and they'd be all the better for it. He knew that after the tears dried, she would alright, and that was really all that mattered to him. He knew she would feel bad about it later, and say that she ruined his night. But he'd reassure her she didn't, and say that she was far more important to him than some last hurrah to being single. And it would be the truth.

He knew that when she was ready, they would walk out of that room together, and face the others. He'd be right there with her the whole time. Then when they were done, he'd make sure she got home safely, and stay as long as she needed him to.

Barry was mentally planning to crash-course in all things first-aid after Iris went to sleep. At this point, it would worth losing a little sleep.

He knew Caitlin would start the slow process of mending, and he'd be there to help her every step of the way. He'd make sure of it, he'd get it right this time. It was more apparent to Barry then ever that he hadn't been there for her enough. But he's going to change, in every way he can.

But for now, he'd just hold her tight, for as long as she needed him to.

He owed her that much.


	6. Going Through The Motions

**Okay, so I just would like to thank everybody for the reviews and kind words. You guys are so nice and supportive and I appreciate it so much! Thank you.**

 **SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, I JUST HAVE ONE LAST THING TO SAY:**

 **Lol you're about to be body-slammed with angst.**

...

Caitlin Snow found herself at a wedding, standing across from none other than Barry Allen.

The speedster wore a smile of both excitement and anxiety, as he adjusted the sleeves of his black suit. Caitlin glanced around, taking in the beautiful flowers and smiling faces that adorned the pews. All their friends were there, all excited for the union to be.

Cisco stood next to Barry, teasing him about being nervous, while Felicity stood next to Caitlin, looking gorgeous in her Bride's Maid dress. Everything was beautiful, it was supposed to be a happy event.

So why wasn't she?

Caitlin pondered all this as she looked down at the red and yellow bouquet in her hand, absently fiddling with the seam of her own Bride's Maid dress.

Caitlin knew she should be happy for Barry and Iris. She knew how long they'd been looking forward to this moment, and how much they'd been through to get here. She knew how happy they would be.

But it didn't change the hollow, aching feeling in her own chest. She didn't have to wonder what it meant, she knew. Caitlin had experienced the feeling enough to know what it was. It was heartbreak.

However, she didn't really want to put that label to it, for two reasons. One, because she wasn't sure her heart could be broken anymore. She wasn't sure one can break something that's already been shattered so thoroughly, so many times.

And two, because she knew she had absolutely no right to feel the way she felt. She knew she should never have allowed herself to develop feelings for Barry, of all people.

The problem was she didn't know exactly when she had started to develop them. She had found herself in the middle before she even had begun. The magnitude of the situation didn't fully hit her until it was too late.

Then again, maybe she had always known. Always known her feelings for him were a little bit more, a little bit stronger than that of a friend. Always known he had a habit of being her weak spot. Hell, even cold and angry version of her loved Barry enough to join the cold and angry version of him.

Caitlin shifted uneasily on her feet, desperately wishing she was in the crowd. Because at least in the crowd it would be easier to hide her face, or the way her shoulders just wanted to droop. But she wasn't, she was front and center where everybody could see her.

So Caitlin made a mental note to smile, or at least look passive. She could do that, she had had plenty of practice in her life. She could keep it together, at least for this. She might cry later, but her eyes didn't even feel misty at that moment.

Mostly because it wasn't that type of sadness, it wasn't the type that required an immediate reaction. It was a deeper type of sadness, one that had settled deep within her. It was the type she was quite accustomed to feeling.

As she stood there, she realized it was really just another day in the life of Caitlin Snow. Truthfully, she was glad for that. Because if it wasn't she would've been worried, she had already been worried because her hands had felt colder than usual. However, she was pretty sure that it was just because of the weather. Even if it wasn't, she had enough control that she knew Killer Frost wouldn't take over like she used to.

Barry adjusted his tie for the umpteenth time and glanced at Caitlin, silently questioning if he looked alright. She gave him a reassuring smile, nodding. He smiled back, and it almost made it all worth it. Almost.

After a few moments, the music began to play. This was it. It was funny how Caitlin was pretty sure she was more anxious afraid then the actual people getting married.

Iris and Joe rounded the corner, and all eyes went to the Bride. Caitlin's did too, for a moment. Then they drifted back to Barry. He was beaming.

He was happy, and to Caitlin, that was all that really mattered, even if it was killing her. Barry was happy, Iris was happy, Cisco was happy. Everybody else was happy, and logically their happiness out-weighed her sadness.

Logically. She needed logic right now, it was what was keeping grounded. She needed to forget how she felt, and focus on the facts. Really, the whole thing was for the best. It was how it was meant to be. Caitlin knew this to be a fact, she has seen it with her own eyes. She had seen the name Iris West-Allen long before it ever came fruition.

The world seemed to move in slow motion as Iris began her walk. A simple set of sentences echoed through Caitlin's mind, unbidden.

 _"Do you believe in destiny, Caitlin?"_

 _"Maybe for you."_

Another wave of sadness swept over Caitlin, and she felt the imaginary pressure on her shoulders increase. She felt like an idiot, like a sad, stupid idiot. Because this moment had been coming for a long time. Barry and Iris had always had a little something called destiny on their side. And...she didn't know what she had. Caitlin was pretty destiny hated her

The scientist wondered how she could have ever allowed herself to love Barry Allen? She had always feared she would regret her feelings one day. And that fear was never more rooted in reality then at that moment.

In the midst of all this, Caitlin had to remind reminds herself it wasn't like much would change. She would still see Barry at work every day, she would still help him keep the city safe. She would still be there to fix him when he broke something. He would still be her friend.

Caitlin decided that was how she would love him, first and foremost, as a friend. And that's how he would love her.

Iris was almost down the Isle at that point. Even though it had only been seconds, for Caitlin it felt like it had been hours. She took a breathe and put on her biggest smile, ready to face the inevitable.

That was when the distant sound of screams filled her ears. After that, all hell broke loose.

...

 **So, I know this is a bit early (and probably throws canon out the door) but I just really wanted to write Caitlin's POV of the Westallen wedding. Plus I kinda feel like I needed to write this, you know?**


	7. Going Through The Motions II

**Okay, so I tried to tone down the angst a little. Might still be a bit sad but things are looking up for Caitlin.**

...

Caitlin Snow awoke to the harsh screech of her alarm clock. She soon pulled herself from her sleeping state and turned it off.

Caitlin knew what day it was before she even opened her eyes. She just wanted to burrow back under the covers and forget the world. But she couldn't, she had a wedding to attend. Caitlin rolled over and stared up at the dark ceiling.

It had come time for the second installment of the West-Allen wedding, the last one hadn't quite taken. Just before Barry and Iris were about to say their vows, there had been a potentially world-ending crisis. In all honesty, it was probably a good thing everybody had been there.

Caitlin sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She wasn't sure if the second wedding would be harder because she had to go through it all again, or if it would be easier because she knew what to expect.

She told herself she just had to go through the motions. She knew the routine, she didn't have to feel anything, she just had to do it. She had to smile, stand by the bride, and be a good friend. Then when she got home that evening, she could cry as much as she needed to.

Then she could move on, and use her pain to build her walls twice as strong.

Besides, she knew she had bigger things to worry about than her _feelings_. She had her powers, and Amunet to worry about. She had a whole host of problems and threats to deal with, the last thing she needed was to be hung up about her best friend.

Caitlin hated how love could make us all impractical sometimes. She had decided a long time ago she wouldn't let how she felt do that to her. She had promised herself she would never endanger someone else's happiness to ensure her own.

Caitlin took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. She was ready to face the day. Just as Caitlin stood, her phone dinged. It was a text from Barry, asking her when she wanted to meet.

As Caitlin picked up the phone, a smile ghosted across her features, Barry and her had planned to go patrolling. Meanwhile, Cisco and Wally would help make sure the wedding preparations went smoothly. Caitlin had found she liked patrolling, it made her feel like she was using her powers for good. Which in turn, made her less afraid of them, resulting in her having better control. It was a good cycle for her.

Caitlin quickly typed a reply and began to get ready. She was going through her motions with a bit more enthusiasm.

...

Warmth from the styrofoam cup seeped into Caitlin's hand, contrasting the cool morning air around her. She was sitting on a rooftop, Barry next to her. He was drinking a frosty and finishing a donut.

The sun was beginning to peek over the horizon, casting slanted light on the city below. Killer Frost and the Flash had already stopped two criminals and had even apprehended a meta-human. Caitlin sipped her coffee, smiling as the golden shards of light warmed her.

"It's still freezing, " Caitlin commented, glancing a Barry, "Just because I got a Flash Coffee didn't mean you had to get a Killer Frosty."

Barry sipped his frosty loudly, ignoring her. Caitlin just chuckled and shook her head.

"Yes, I did. That's what friends do," Barry finally replied, "Besides, they're really good."

"Well, thank you. Yours is pretty good too."

Barry smiled, the light getting caught in his hair as he did.

After a few moments, Barry set down his drink and stretched out on the rooftop. Caitlin decided to follow suit, staring up at the pink-tinted clouds. She mentally noted that there was a chance the weather could be bad later.

"You know, it feels like it's been forever since we've done anything," Barry spoke after a while. "You know, just the two of us."

Caitlin turned to look at him, her head resting on the cool concrete. "True, but things have been kinda crazy for a long time. There just hasn't been a lot of time for stuff like that," she explained.

"Still, we should make time," he argued.

Caitlin verbally agreed, despite the fact she knew it was highly improbable. The days of drunk karaoke had passed. They had passed long before Barry was to be a married man. Caitlin decided that was okay, things change, it's a part of life. In truth, she was just happy to have this moment. Because she was painfully aware that it would never like his again. Even though she wanted to deny it, she knew things would be different.

So Caitlin smiled and stared up as the prismatic sky. Despite everything, she allowed herself to be content with this moment.

This one, beautiful moment, even if it was the last one she would ever get.

...

Caitlin's footsteps echoed through S.T.A.R Labs as she peeled off her blue jacket, her muscles sore and tired.

She and Barry had just finished their patrol. He had left to go make sure everything else was going well. She would be joining him shortly.

Caitlin was about to retrieve her normal clothes when a gust of wind startled her. Lightning flashed through the lab, coming to an abrupt stop in front of her.

Barry then stumbled forward as if he had been shoved. But the speedster wasn't alone, behind him stood...well, another version of Barry. Except he didn't look exactly the same. For one, he looked older. Not to mention, the Flash suit he wore wasn't like Barry's current one.

"Talk to her," the other speedster spoke.

Caitlin stood perplexed.

"Who are you?" Barry demanded, whirling around.

"Speedy Gonzales," the other Barry answered sarcastically. "I told you, I'm you." He added, "but older."

"Really!" Barry hissed, "We're back to this again!"

"To what?"

"Messing with the timeline!" Barry exclaimed, throwing his hand in the air.

"No," the second Flash replied, "I'm trying to fix it."

"Fix what?" Barry demanded.

"I'm not telling you." The other Barry stated. "Knowing too much about our future is what got us into this mess."

For an instant, the Future Flash's eyes drifted over to Caitlin. There was a look behind his gaze, something she couldn't quite place.

"Barry?" She pipped up.

"Hey, Cait," he gave her a sad smile.

"Tell him," the other Barry added softly.

Caitlin froze. Surely he didn't mean what she thought he did.

Then like a laser, his focus shifted back to the present Barry. "Talk to her," he said with finality.

The other Barry turned and began to walk away.

"If you don't," he paused and spoke over his shoulder. "You'll regret it."

Then with one last streak of lightening the Future Flash was gone. Caitlin felt a lump in her throat, what could she possibly have to do with this?

"Are you gonna go look for him?" Caitlin inquired.

"No," Barry sighed and shook his head, "No, I'm sure he's gone.

"Caitlin, what's wrong?" Barry questioned, "Why did he want me to talk to you, and what did he want you to tell me?"

"I...don't know, " she replied, not wanting to believe it was the reason she feared.

"Come on," Barry took a step closer. "There's something wrong."

"There isn't," she denied, giving him a warning glance.

"Yes, there is. You've been off all week," Barry argued. "And you're biting your lip." He pointed out, gesturing to her.

Caitlin immediately stopped, crossing her arms.

Barry raked a hand through his hair, "Is it something to do with your powers? Or Amunet?"

She shook her head.

"Please, just tell me."

Caitlin sat down in a nearby office chair, heaving a deep sigh.

"I can't," she whispered.

"Why?" Barry asked, bordering on pleading.

"Because it's not fair to you," she spoke quietly. "Not on your wedding day."

"Well, clearly it's important enough that future me came back and kidnapped me," he countered.

"What is it?" He asked once more, catching her gazed.

Caitlin didn't say a word, she just stared, hoping her eyes would do the explaining. She didn't want to say it out loud, because if she did it made it real. If she said it, she couldn't just brush her it off as her own lapse in judgment.

She stared at Barry for a long while. Then watched as realization finally hit him like a truck.

"You..." he started, putting his hand over his mouth

Caitlin just nodded.

"I...I had no idea," he mumbled to himself.

Caitlin squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in her hands, desperately wishing she was anywhere but there.

"Hey, hey, hey," Barry crooned, kneeling in front of her. "It's okay."

"No, it's not," she shot back, looking up.

"It's not." Tears began to pool in her eyes. "It's not fair."

"Sometimes ours feeling don't play fair," he answered. "Believe me, I know."

"Exactly," Caitlin argued, "you've been waiting for this day for so long, and I'm not gonna be the one to mess it up for you."

"What about what he—I—said?" Barry questioned. "What if it's a mistake?"

Caitlin breathed, "When has changing the past ever worked out well? For all we know it could just end up making it worse."

"Barry, please," Caitlin spoke, giving him a sincere look. "Just go to your wedding, forget all this happened. I promise I won't say anything."

There was silence for a beat.

"What about you?" He said softly. "What about your happiness?"

Caitlin wanted to say that she was used to it. She wanted to say unhappiness was an old friend of hers. But she didn't.

"I'll be fine," Caitlin assured. "I'm happy for you and Iris, you're my friends."

"Please just go, I'll be there soon." Caitlin said. "Okay?"

Barry gave her an apprehensive look, as he rose to his full height. She held his gaze, giving him the most reassuring look she could muster. Then finally, he relented. With a flash, he was gone.

Caitlin stood from her seated position and attempted to calm the shaking in her hands. She closed her eyes and focusing on her breathing, tear streaming down her cheek

 _I can do this. S_ he mentally repeated to herself.

 _I can do this._

...

 **First off I'd just like to thank everyone** **who read, and for all your comments/reviews you guys are great. There will be one more part to this. Again I have an idea of how it will go, but I'd love to hear all your thoughts and suggestions.**

 **Thank you all.**


	8. Going Through The Motions III

**Hey everybody! Here is the final part, hope everyone likes it. I'd just like to say thank you for reading. It was really fun to sorta build my own plot.**

...

Droplets of rain pelted Barry's skin as he stood, knocking on Caitlin's front door.

"Cait, " he called over the ambient sound of the storm, "Please, open up."

Barry knocked again, this time using his speed. After a few seconds, the door opened, revealing a disheveled and rushing Caitlin. She grabbed her purse with one hand, whilst holding her Bride's Maid dress in a dry-cleaner bag with the other.

"I know, I know, " Caitlin spoke hurriedly. "I'm ready, I can change into my dress when we get there."

Before Barry had a chance to say anything, Caitlin moved passed him and put the things in her car. The speedster found it shocking how she could seem so normal after everything. Then again, she had been hiding how she felt for who knows how long. Barry felt his chest tighten a little at the thought.

"Come on," Caitlin prompted, pulling him from his thoughts. "We're going to be late."

"No, we're not, " Barry replied, his tone even.

Caitlin looked down at her watch in confusion, the rain beginning to dampen her hair.

"Can't be late to something that's not happening, " Barry let out a nervous chuckle, failing in his attempt to put it lightly.

Caitlin furrowed her brow.

"We called it off, " Barry admitted, quieter this time.

All the blood drained from Caitlin's featured. "No," she breathed out.

"No, no, no, no," Caitlin began to pace. "I broke up a wedding!" She blurted, a note of panic in her tone.

Barry braced himself, he had a feeling she would blame herself.

"No, you didn't. Technically, I did," Barry corrected.

"Because of me!" Caitlin shot back.

"No. It wasn't your fault," Barry stepped forwarding, putting his hands on her arms to stop her from pacing.

"Listen, we talked it over," Barry assured. "It's all okay."

"You were ready to get married just a few hours ago, how can it be okay?" She answered.

"We both agreed, it just...didn't feel right," Barry stated.

Caitlin gave him a doubtful look, her posture still tense. She opened her mouth to speak again, but Barry cut her off.

"Let me explain," Barry pleaded.

Caitlin took a deep breath and nodded. He stopped for a moment to collect his thoughts, the rhythmic patter of the rain echoing all around him.

"For so many years, I loved Iris," He began. "I don't know why, maybe it was because she was the first person I really connected with after what happened to my parents. And...and I guess I just latched onto that," Barry continued, slowly pacing.

"I've held onto that for so many years, I've ignored so many other feelings, so many other relationships. I ignored every chance I had to move on. Because I thought being with Iris was the only way I'd be happy."

"But I'm not," he uttered, a sense of helplessness in his voice. "I haven't been happy for a long time."

"I was just so afraid, though," he confessed. "Afraid of what I could do the future. Afraid that maybe this really was my only chance. I was afraid of moving on,"Barry turned to Caitlin.

"And this didn't have anything to do with your future-self coming back?" Caitlin cut in.

"No," Barry replied, firmly.

"Yes," he added, "Maybe. I don't know. I guess when the world almost ends the first time you try to get married, and your future-self kidnaps you the second, you start to wonder." Barry let out a humorless laugh.

"The point is," the speedster continued. "Regardless of what he/I said, I'm tired of being unhappy."

"I wanna move on, and I don't want to be afraid anymore," Barry announced, determined.

For several moments the only sound that filled Barry's ears was the rain softly hitting the ground.

"Then I think you should," Caitlin gave him a small, yet sad smile, "But why are you telling me this?"

"Well, for one, I wanted you to hear it from me. I wanted to make sure you knew it wasn't your fault," Barry answered, leveling his gaze with hers.

"And two?" She ventured, the rain still falling between them.

Barry stared down at the ground, trying to put it into words. Wondering if he shouldn't say anything at all. Wondering if he should just make up an excuse and leave it alone. He'd caused enough damage already.

Finally, Barry looked back up at her, his eyes meeting Caitlin's. She looked at him for a moment, before it hit her.

As he watched her process it, Barry couldn't help but wonder if he was that transparent. Or maybe it was because she knew him that well. Either way, Pandora's Box had already been opened and there was no pointing in holding back now.

"You too?" Caitlin finally spoke up.

Barry nodded, a wistful look on his features.

"Barry, just because I..." she trailed off, running her hand over the back of her neck.

"That's not the reason," he reassured. "Like I said, I ignored a lot of feelings."

Caitlin walked over and leaned back against her car. She closed her eyes, as if she needed a moment to take everything in.

Barry didn't blame her. The speedster moved forward and did the same, leaning his head against the cool, slick surface.

"We're a mess," Caitlin eventually broke the silence.

"Yeah," a smile tugged at Barry's lip. "I guess we are."

"What do we do now? If anything. I...I mean where do we even go from here?" Caitlin stated, looking down.

"I think we should just wait and see what happens. We wait, and we talk," Barry suggested.

"We haven't talked enough lately. Let's just get coffee. Let's get coffee and talk," he echoed, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Coffee sounds nice," Caitlin agreed.

Barry released a breathe he didn't realize he was holding. She gave him a smile, the first genuine one he'd seen in a long time. Barry offered her his hand. Caitlin peered down at it for an instant, hesitant. Then finally she took it, her fingers lacing through his. Together, the two walked away.

Maybe things weren't perfect, and the future was still full of uncertainties. But together, there was something that neither of them had for a very long time.

There was hope.

...

Barry Allen sat on the edge of a building, watching as the younger versions of himself and Caitlin walked away. The rain had stopped and the sun was just beginning to drop below the horizon, casting platinum light on the adjacent storm clouds. All the while, Barry couldn't help but think how different 2017 was from 2030.

He knew they needed to get back, but she had wanted to see the sunset.

"Barry," Caitlin spoke from where she sat beside him, "Ever wonder why you came back?"

The question caught Barry off guard. "Well, like I said, I came back..."

"To make sure the past happened," she finished his sentence. "Then why did you look so upset?" Caitlin continued. "I mean when you went to talked to us."

"You know, I always remembered what I had to say, I rehearsed it even," Barry said, moving his knees to sit cross-legged. "But when I saw us, when I saw how different we were. How sad you were, I realized how much much pain it all caused you. I realized how much I would've regretted it if our lives had been different," Barry stated, his gaze flickering to the two figures as they became fainter in the distance. "So it just came naturally."

Caitlin gazed at him for a moment, a smile forming on her lips. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"I think so," Barry scrunched his face in concentration, "But you better tell me again for good measure," he teased.

Caitlin playfully rolled her eyes at him.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Cait." Barry answered, planting a kiss on her lips.

Caitlin scooted closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder, watching as the sunlight slowly began to disappear.

"Why did you ask, by the way?" Barry inquired after a few moments.

"I don't know," Caitlin glanced down, fiddling with the hem of her jacket, "I guess I always thought you looked upset because something bad had happened, and you came back to change it."

"Wait a minute," Caitlin continued, "If you didn't come back because something bad happened, that means you didn't change anything at all. It's was..."

"A Causal Loop," Barry finished.

"The reason you came back, was because you came back," Caitlin added, astonishment in her words.

"My brain hurts now,"

Barry pressed his palms against his eyes and laid back on the damp roof.

Caitlin let out a laugh, laying down next to him. "Well, Causal Loop or not, I'm glad you did."

"I am too," he replied quietly, wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

Caitlin snuggled closer to him and rested her arm atop his chest.

"We are quite the pair aren't we, Mr. Allen."

"Yes we are, Dr. Allen."

The sun dropped below the horizon, and the pair watched as the evening sky slowly transitioned into night. They were happy. Maybe they didn't know what trails the future would hold, but they would get through it just as they had in the past.

Together.

 _The End_

...

 **Okay so, I hope the Causal Loop thing wasn't too confusing. It pretty much boils down to what was explained. If it's still confusing I'd suggest looking it up, Dr. Who did a really good job of explaining it.**

 **I would just like to say thank you once again! You guys are awesome.**

 **So without further ado:**

 **Ladies and gentleman, that's a wrap!**


	9. Together

_**Soundtrack:**_ _Mirrors by Justin Timberlake_

 **Just a little idea I had, hope you guys like it.**

...

When Barry Allen went into the Speed Force, he didn't just see his timeline. He saw _all_ of his timelines, he saw the multiverse. Every way his life could've gone, slamming into him at once. All the possibilities flashing before his eyes, and he saw it all. Somehow, it's not surprising that in most of them he's the Flash or some variation.

What is surprising is how many universe's he's not with Iris West. Barry had always thought they were destined to be together, that the very cosmos dictated their entwined paths. But in truth, there are only a few universe's where Iris and Barry are in love.

However, there is one constant in the never-ending flow of worlds. Wherever Barry Allen is, Caitlin Snow is always there. Like two planets forever locked in a gravitational pull, they're always together, orbiting around each other. Maybe not together _together_ , but somehow they always find each other, no matter how different the circumstances. In so many worlds they are friends, the best of friends. Just like Barry's home world.

In another life, they are enemies. Well, enemies is too strong a word.

 _Rivals_.

He is the Flash and she is Killer Frost. They were never friends like they were where Barry is from, yet somehow they never fail to be there for each other. They fight and they make a show of it, but at the end of the day, they will always have each other's back. It's a strange understanding between them. And they do, until the very end.

In one reality, they are villains together. They aren't quite evil, but they aren't exactly good either. Yet they are unflinchingly loyal to one and other, and they make one hell of a team. They are lethal in battle, but somehow when they are alone together they melt. Their cold, hard exteriors peel away to reveal something softer, more familiar. Eventfully the duo meet a bloody end, but like everything in life, they do it _together_.

In yet another world, Barry Allen and Caitlin Snow have no powers at all, they both work at Star Labs. They have a wonderful friendship and a life full of could-have-beens. They end up married to different people, yet someone remain life long friends.

Finally, Barry stumbles into a universe where the Flash and the Frost (and the Vibe) are all superheroes together. Barry and Caitlin fight side by side, protecting Central City. A smile tugs at Barry's lips, a part of him secretly hoped his world could be like this one day.

In one universe, Barry and Caitlin meet at Jitters and end up married with 3 kids. They're scientists and they open their own lab, doing a lot of good in their lifetime. They grow old together, surrounded by grandchildren. Barry thinks maybe he should be embarrassed, because _his_ Caitlin is just a friend, and nothing more. But all he can bring himself to feel is a warm sensation in his chest, and a persistent longing.

There's a universe where she dies and he goes down an unspeakably dark path. He loses her and he burns the world down. She loses him in another life, and she freezes it.

There's even one where they end up together after that night full of drinking and karaoke. There are endless possibilities, endless lives. So many different careers, so many different paths they take. Yet they always end up squarely back where they belong. _Together_.

Then there's one where they have it all, it's a shadow of what his life could be, really. They are best friends and partners. They are heroes and scientists. They have wonderful family and friends. They do amazing things in their life and live it to the fullest. They are so very happy, and by the end, they have done truly amazing things. Barry and Caitlin Allen go down in history.

A thousand probabilities all bombard Barry's brain cells, and a thousand moments flashing before his eyes. Smiles and tears, sickness and in health. Tragedy and happiness. Hundreds, no thousands, of moments all falling into an epic story, regardless of where it takes place. A beautiful mural painted across the multiverse, etched into reality itself. As their lives play out before his eyes, he begins to realize maybe they are ones who are truly written in the stars.

Then finally Barry arrives on a certain universe. It's dark and sad and empty. It is a world where Barry Allen never knew Caitlin Snow, _ever_. A world that seems so meaningless and gray. Barry thinks it must be at the end of the cosmos, the very end of the multiverse before it drops off into oblivion. Because that's what it feels like, so very empty and cold. It's a world without the sun, a world without color. Barry Allen lives his life in a boring nine-to-five job, with nothing interesting (or good really) ever happening to him. Meta-humans don't even exist. There's a gaping hole, an endless void.

Just when Barry thinks he can't take it any longer, there is a tug, as if some unknown force is pulling him somewhere. Then suddenly he feels himself being yanked back, back through time, back through the universes. He picks up more and more speed until the worlds are nothing but a blur.

Then all at once, it stops. Barry hits the hard pavement and suddenly he's staring up at the brilliant blue sky. There's a moment of clarity, where he's fully aware of everything.

By some miracle, he's out of the Speed Force, he's back home. He is both happy and sad about it. He is happy to be home, but after watching his alternate versions for so long, he realized that he and Caitlin have been living in one of those worlds where they aren't together. They are existing entirely in the realm of 'what if.'

The memories begin to rush back, threatening to overtake Barry. Memories of his timeline, the multiverse, all happening at once.

While he still has a bit of coherency, Barry makes a promise to himself. He is going to make sure that this isn't one of those 'what if' universes, he isn't going to let Caitlin slip away. Something within had been awakened, something he had buried under meaningless excuses. Something that had always been there but he had been too blind to see.

Barry Allen loves Caitlin Snow. And judging by what he now knows, it's not that far fetched.

He doesn't care how long it takes, he's not going to waste his chance. Because he realizes it could be so much worse, he could have not known her at all. He realizes he could have so many wonderful things if he could just wake up and stop living a lie.

And he's going to, he'll make sure of it.

An instant later, the memories wash over Barry like a flood. and his mind becomes lost beneath the waves.

After that, everything is a blur.


	10. Matching

**Just a small one-shot about how Barry and Caitlin have a tendency to match.**

...

Cisco thought he had done a pretty good job of not saying anything over the years. Mostly because he had been waiting for Barry and Caitlin to notice or say something about it. But they never did.

For a while, he thought maybe it was some kind of joke and they were waiting for him to catch on. However, after about a year, he knew that couldn't be the case. Cisco Ramon was not stupid, in fact, nobody who had ever walked the halls of S.T.A.R Labs was stupid. Barry and Caitlin were not stupid. So why were they so oblivious to the fact they had a habit of wearing matching clothing?

Cisco had noticed it many times over the years. They didn't do it every day, but they did it at least a few times a week. Sometimes it was just matching colors, other times they'd walk in basically wearing the same clothes.

Today was no exception, they were both wearing the exact same shade of blue. Most days, Cisco could ignore it, brush it off as a coincidence. However, for some reason, it just stuck out more than usual that day. Theories raced through Cisco's mind as Barry and Caitlin moved about the lab, doing their usual business.

 _Did they secretly go shopping for His and Her's outfits?_

 _Did they lend each other clothes?_

 _Did they call each other every morning to sync colors?_

 _Was one of them psychic?_

 _Were they both psychic?_

 _Were they telepathically connected?_

 _Was it a glitch in the matrix?_

The possibilities were endless.

Then finally, as Barry and Caitlin discussed some lab results, she glanced down at his shirt. _This was it, they were finally gonna notice._

Except they didn't.

"You have something on your shirt." Caitlin gently pointed out.

Barry frowned and looked down to examine it. It was at that moment something in Cisco snapped.

"Oh honestly," Cisco spoke, louder than he meant to.

Barry and Caitlin whirled around at the sudden outburst.

"It's just a stain." Barry shrugged, confused.

"Forget about the stain," Cisco blurted in exasperation, "You're basically wearing the same shirt."

"We are not..." Caitlin defended but trailed off when she looked down.

"I'm sure it's just a coincidence," Barry piped up, "I mean it's bound to happen at least once."

"No, it's not a coincidence," Cisco answered, "You guys do this all the time, and you never notice."

"No way," Caitlin denied, shifting on her feet "I mean that's statically impossible."

"I've been watching you guys do this for years," Cisco argued, crossing his arms.

Barry and Caitlin shared an uneasy glance.

...

At first, Cisco regretted saying anything at all.

But the days that followed were hilariously entertaining. By the end of the week, Cisco seriously wanted some popcorn. Every day, they would try and dress differently, and every day they would fail. In fact, it seemed the harder they tried, the more it would happen.

Every day they would look at each other's outfits and sigh, then go about their day. Every day it was as if they probed the darkest reaches of their closets, and somehow still ended up matching. They both even made some questionable fashion choices. They tried every color and even resorted so more outlandish ones. One day, Caitlin wore all orange, because surely Barry wouldn't think to wear fluorescent orange. Boy, was she wrong.

They looked like a couple of traffic cones.

The one time they managed to not match, was when (upon seeing Caitlin) Barry immediately sped away and changed.

This silent struggle was only broken by a city-wide crisis. Five days of utter chaos, where nobody had any time to think about what they were wearing.

Then after it all calmed down, things went back to normal. Caitlin and Barry were once again oblivious to their innate ability to match. Cisco didn't know whether it was by choice or default. After that they went back to their usual pattern, they matched most days, but not every day. Cisco didn't say anything and pretended not to notice.

However, he was met with a new realization. Their clothing wasn't the only thing that seemed to automatically sync. Their mannerisms and their reaction had a habit of being similar or nearly identical. Sometimes their attitudes were even similar.

Cisco couldn't help but wonder why this was.

 _Was it a side effect of something?_

 _Was it some strange phenomenon?_

 _Or was it because on some level, they were simply kindred spirits, so to speak._

Either way, Cisco might have to find an excuse to run some tests someday.


	11. Cracks in the 4th Wall

_**Description:**_ _Barry and Caitlin have a discussion about the writers._

 **Just a little idea I had. I hope you guys enjoy it, sorry if it's OOC. But IDK if that can really apply in this situation. Lol**

...

Caitlin Snow awoke to a thud on her bedroom window. A sharp rush of adrenaline coursed through her and her hands immediately became colder.

Caitlin's eyes flickered to the window, only find there was nothing there. Thankfully, it was still shut tight and locked. For a moment, she thought maybe she had dreamt it. Then a small rock collided with her window, once again producing the sound. Caitlin furrowed her brow and threw off her covers, approaching the window with caution. Slowly she opened it and peered down at the driveway below. It was Barry.

"What are you doing?" Caitlin questioned, half in amusement, and half in confusion.

"Your door's locked, and I need to talk to you," Barry replied.

Caitlin nodded and began to leave the room.

"You know you have a phone, right?" Caitlin called behind her, almost playfully.

A moment later, the small rectangular object came sailing through the window and landed on the carpet.

"Was that your phone?" She blurted, leaning back out the window.

"Maybe," Barry let out a laugh. "Just open up already."

"Okay, okay," Caitlin rolled her eyes, picking up the device.

She headed down the stairs and opened the front door, finding Barry already waiting for her. He immediately leaned down and pulled her into a hug, Caitlin gladly reciprocated it.

"I'm so happy to see you." Barry admitted, closing the door behind him, "It feels like it's been so long since we've genuinely talked."

"I know," Caitlin replied, "It's probably the writers again," she frowned.

Barry agreed, a sad look behind his eyes. The pair calmly took a seat on the couch, snuggling in close.

"I can't believe I'm getting married tomorrow." Barry heaved a heavy sigh, leaning back against the couch.

Caitlin rested her head on his shoulder, savoring the closeness. These days she never knew when moments like these would come along again.

"I'm sorry, Cait," Barry spoke, kissing the top of her head, "It should've been you." He added, burying his face in her hair.

"It's okay," she answered quietly, a note of understanding in her tone, "It's not your fault. I know you don't have any control over it. It's what the writers want."

There was silence for a beat, as they simply held each other.

"How Iris handling everything?" Caitlin inquired.

"She's still a bit weirded out because she thinks of me like a brother, but she's adjusting well," Barry informed.

"She still misses Eddie." He added after a moment, understanding in his tone.

Caitlin nodded solemnly.

"Sometimes I wish the writers didn't hand so much control over everything...over us," Barry admitted, his voice low.

"I do too," Caitlin spoke, looking up at him. "But I still believe it will work out somehow. I believe in us, and I think other people do too."

"Besides, they can't always control everything." She added, taking her hand in his.

Barry gave a genuine smile, as they intertwined their fingers.

"I love you, Caitlin," Barry spoke, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

"I love you too, Barry."


	12. A Persistent Chill

**Hello everyone! From now on this is where I'll be posting all my one-shots. The full version of this (with all my one shots together in one book) can be found on Wattpad.**

 **This one was just a fun little idea I've seen somewhere before but can't remember. It's also an excuse to write to write shameless Snowbarry cuddling. lol**

 _ **Description:**_ Caitlin always felt cold. There was always a persist chill on her skin, and no matter what she did she couldn't get it to go away, not for long anyway.

* * *

Ever since Caitlin Snow had developed ice powers, there had been a problem.

Well, actually there had been lots of problems, but there had been a constant, yet less important one. Really, it was more of an annoyance then anything, a discomfort that came with the frosty package deal.

Caitlin always felt cold. It was as of there was a constant draft looming around her. She knew why too, the activation of her cryokinesis had caused her resting body temperature to become lower. There wasn't anything that could be done about it, it was simply her new normal. Which was hard a thing when she had been used to feeling so much warmer.

It didn't come without it's perks though, her abilities also gave her a higher tolerance to lower temperatures. Meaning when exposed to them, she didn't really feel any colder, she simply felt the same. However the 'same' didn't mean she was comfortable either. There was always a persist chill on her skin, and no matter what she did she couldn't get it to go away, not for long anyway.

It didn't matter how many layers she wore or how warm the room was. Sometimes if she turned her car AC up enough (or sat next to a heater) she could get it to subside for a while. Hot showers and baths helped too, but only for so long.

Despite the discomfort, Caitlin was learning to cope and deal with it. Most days, if she kept busy, she didn't notice it as much. But there was one time of day it was the hardest to deal with. Bedtime. When it was time to sleep it became particularly unbearable.

At the end of a long day when Caitlin wanted nothing more than to curl up in a warm bed and fall asleep. The chill that enveloped her made it that much harder. If she slept fully clothed and under a mound of blankets, eventually she could get warm enough to fall asleep. But even then it wasn't always the most restful.

Caitlin pondered all this as she laid on the small bed in S.T.A.R. Labs. Her lack of body heat had never been more apparent to her then at that moment.

The whole team had been working overtime that day, and Caitlin had gone nearly 48 hours without sleep. She was just trying to catch a few hours, but it would seem she might even be denied that. Caitlin was curled up in a tight ball, a thick blanket around her. However, it wasn't making a difference.

Caitlin had gotten pretty good at ignoring the permanent coldness and she had been hoping she'd be too tired to notice it. But it seemed the sleep deprivation had only made it worse. As a result Caitlin laid there, exhausted, cold, and miserable.

The silence that filled the room was eventually disturbed by the gust of wind that heralded Barry's arrival. Briefly, she cracked her eyes open to find him moving about he area and looking through a stack of papers. He wasn't in a panic (or in need of medical attention) so Caitlin once again took up the futile attempt at sleep.

In the end, she wasn't sure what had attracted Barry's attention. Whether it was the look on her face, the position she was in, or the overall mood that was about her.

But after a few moments he put a gentle hand on her shoulder, "Caitlin," he whispered softly, "Are you okay?"

"I'm just really tired," she answered as she looked up at him,"But I can't sleep."

"Why not?" Barry inquired quietly.

"I'm cold." Caitlin informed, too tired to attempt to brush it off or hide her discomfort.

"It's the middle of summer," he stated, perplexed.

"Barry, I'm always cold," Caitlin replied tiredly, "I have a lower body temperature, remember."

"Yeah, but I had no idea it actually made you feel uncomfortable," Barry frowned, "How come, you never told me?"

"It never came up." Caitlin only shrugged.

It wasn't a lie, it simply hadn't, it wasn't something that had been anybody's concern. It certainly hadn't been Barry's, and that was fine. Between Central City and his divorce, he was extremely busy. He had had more important things to worry about than Caitlin feeling cold.

"Can I get you anything?" Barry asked sincerely, still wearing a small frown.

"No, there isn't anything that really helps," Caitlin answered. "Layers and blankets don't hardly do anything. Sometimes a heater helps but not always."

"But thank you for asking," she added giving him a gentle smile.

Caitlin shrunk further under the covers, preparing to close her eyes again.

"What about body heat?" Barry suggested after a moment.

Caitlin only shrugged, too worn out for words. Truthfully, she'd never thought of that before, and even if she had, there hadn't been anyone in her life that she would've been comfortable asking.

"Here, can you scoot over a little?" Barry asked, already lifting up the covers and making a spot for himself.

"What?" Caitlin murmured through her sleep deprived haze, but did it nonetheless.

"If it'll help you get to sleep, then I think we should try it." Barry explained.

"I can't ask you to do that." She replied.

"You don't have to." He assured, laying down next to her and pulling the covers over them, "I really don't mind," he added.

Caitlin was apprehensive at first, but eventually she relaxed and moved closer to Barry. At this point she was so tired and was willing try just about anything to get to sleep. Plus, even if he didn't succeed in warming her up, the simple comfort of having someone near would help quite a bit.

They were silent for a moment as the two got comfortable.

"Have you talked to Cisco about it?" Barry eventually spoke up.

Caitlin shook her head.

"I think you should, maybe we can figure out something to help you." He continued tentatively.

"Maybe." She mumbled sleepily.

To her great surprise, Caitlin began to feel warmer in a matter of minutes. Eventually, she scooted closer to Barry, her smaller form buried in his chest and her arms folded in front of her. He didn't shy away, he simply wrapped his arms around her. Caitlin couldn't help but noticed he smelled faintly of cologne, and lab chemicals. She didn't mind, if anything it relaxed her. After a few moments, Barry let his molecules vibrate, resulting in extra heat. Caitlin felt as if she had been wrapped in a cocoon of warmth.

The muffled hum of equipment thrummed softly in the distance. Between that and the sound of Barry's steady breaths, Caitlin found herself being lulled to sleep.

She soon drifted off, feeling warmer and more comfortable than she had in a very long time.


	13. Soulmates and Cellmates

_**Description:**_ _There were a lot of things Barry had expected when he went to prison, getting a cellmate was not one of them._

 _ **Set post, 'Trial of the Flash.'**_

 **This is pretty much a crackfic.**

 **I've stared at this for so long (and accidentally deleted it, rewrote it, and stared at it some more) I don't even know if it's a good story anymore. It's either gonna come across as funny or just plain weird. So I'm just gonna post it and see what happens. lol**

 **Also, I'd like to thank you guys for your reviews and comments, they mean so much to me. Thank you all for sticking with me through this trash fire of a one-shot book. You guys rock!**

...

Caitlin had expected a lot of things when she went to visit Barry in prison. She had expected the sad, hollow look in his eyes, she had expected it would be hard for her to see him like that. She had even expected him to be unshaven.

However, what she had not expected was the large bruise beneath his eye. Or the scrapes on his cheek for that matter.

The moment Caitlin saw it, a frown settled on her features. It also ignited a spark of anger within her, one that made the blood in her veins feel just a little bit colder.

The guards sat Barry down and cuffed him, before retreating to their designated corners of the room

"Hey," Caitlin spoke as they both picked up the phones.

"Hi," Barry greeted with a smile, despite everything.

It always amazed her how he managed to do that. How even in the face of chaos and insurmountable odds, he always managed to give her a smile. Caitlin returned the gesture, though she doubted it quite met her eyes.

"What happened?" She inquired, glancing at the bruise.

"It's nothing," Barry assured, "I'm fine."

Caitlin gave him a troubled look.

"It's just something that happened in the courtyard earlier," he admitted quietly. "The other inmates don't like me very much. But I guess that's not surprising since I used to work for the police.

"Plus they think I murdered an old man in a wheelchair, so that's definitely not scoring me any browny points." He added with a slight chuckle.

Caitlin's frown only deepened.

"I'm fine," Barry repeated. "Besides, I heal pretty quickly remember?" He added with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Caitlin knew that. She knew that nothing the other inmates could do would have a lasting effect, but it still bothered her. What bothered her more was that he let them do this to him. She knew he could dodge every punch thrown at him, he could incapacitate an entire courtyard of inmates before any of them could blink. But he wouldn't. He would sit there and take the abuse for the sake of his secret. For Iris and Joe's sake, for all their sakes.

"I know," Caitlin answered, "But still." She added fiddling with her sleeve.

"By the way," Caitlin changed the subject, slipping into a more professional tone. "How have you been eating?"

"Okay, I guess," Barry replied, "I've only fainted a couple times today," he spoke nonchalantly.

"Barry Allen," Caitlin blurted, primed for a lecture.

However, she was cut off by the speedster's laughs.

"I'm just kidding, but the look on your face was priceless," Barry grinned, his shoulders shaking with mirth.

Caitlin gave him a disapproving look, though there was a hint of playfulness and her eyes. After the laughter died down, Barry gave her a more solemn look.

"Honestly though, I'm hungry a lot," He said quietly, looking down, "But I don't let it get to the point where I faint,"

Caitlin knew what that meant. It meant that when no one was looking he fazed through the wall and got something more to eat.

"Well, it should be easier now." She informed.

"What do you mean..."

"As your personal physician it was my duty to inform the nurse of your extreme hypoglycemia and give her your prescription," Caitlin stated, now brandishing her own mischievous glint.

"I told her that if you didn't get your 'medication' it could result in weakness fainting, or even cause you to slip into a coma." She added, almost triumphantly.

Barry let out a breath akin to relief.

"Thank you," he spoke, gratitude and sincerity and his tone.

"It's the least I could do," Caitlin gave a small shrug.

"I'm just glad I got over my Lightening Psychosis before all this happen," Barry teased.

Caitlin chuckled quietly, it had become a bit of an inside joke to them.

Truthfully, the situation wasn't all that different from the time Caitlin had to used her medical expertise to lie for him. Except, there was more truth to it this time around. Barry really did have a form of hypoglycemia, and it could cause him some serious problems. Even his prescription glucose tablets were real, they had just been modified to fit Barry's particular needs.

A comfortable silence settled between the pair. Barry put his hand upon the protective glass. Caitlin mirrored the gesture, lining her fingers up with his.

"We'll find a way to get you out of here." Caitlin spoke up, "I promise."

Barry nodded, though she could tell he doubted it.

"Please be careful." She whispered.

"I'll try." He answered, "I promise."

Caitlin gave him a soft smile.

She knew he would, but she also knew it wouldn't be his last black eye. There was only so much he could do given his situation.

Not unless someone else helped him, that is.

...

There were a lot of things Barry had expected. He had expected to get convicted, he had expected adjusting to prison life would be turbulent. He had even expected he'd go hungry most of the time. Though it was much better now, thanks to Caitlin.

However, what he hadn't expected was to get a cellmate.

The screech of the cell doors opening echoed off the walls. The moment Barry saw his new roommate he knew you had to be the unluckiest man alive.

He was burly and bald, a large jagged scar across the length of his face. He also had the words 'killer' tattooed on his knuckles. Quite frankly, he was terrifying. He looked like the type of guy who crushed people's skulls for fun.

The guards un-cuffed him and locked the doors, leaving the two cellmates to get acquainted.

"Hi, I'm Barry," he greeted in a friendly tone, offering his hand.

Barry was really hoping he could get on his good side. While he had accelerated healing, he knew it would really hurt if this guy decided to use him as a punching bag.

The new arrival simply stared at Barry's outstretched hand, crossing his arms. Barry cleared his throat awkwardly and retracted the gesture.

"People call me Slash," The harsh voice replied.

"Oh." Barry spoke, uncomfortable, "That's...that's nice."

"Listen," Slash stated, taking a few menacing steps forward, "if we're gonna be cellmates, I have a few conditions."

"Uhh sure," Barry stammered, "Whatever you want," he once again cleared his throat.

The hulking figure stopped in front of Barry, eyes boring into his.

"You turn your back while I'm going to the bathroom or showering," he ground out, "And I get the top bunk."

Barry stood frozen in perplexed silence. Why would a guy who looked (and sounded) like he killed people for a living care about privacy and who got the top bunk? Barry was about to formulate his reply when Slash burst out laughing. It was far too high-pitched and dainty to be coming out of a person that size.

He then reached up and tapped the space behind his ear. A flash of blue flickered across him, and suddenly Barry was standing face to face with Caitlin.

"You should've seen your face," She giggled, "Now we're even."

"Caitlin!" Barry blurted.

"Keep your voice down." She's hushed him.

"How did you..."

"Cisco and Harry modified HR's facial transmogrification devise. It's now virtually undetectable," she gestured to the space behind her ear. "From now on you'll see me, but everyone else will see 'Slash.'

"What are you doing here?" Barry questioned, his tone low.

"I'm here to help you," She replied.

"Caitlin, I'm alright, "Barry argued, "They need you out there."

"They'll be okay. Cisco and Ralph can handle it, not to mention Jesse and Wally are back. They'll be fine without me." She countered, putting her hands on her hips.

Barry just crossed his arms and shook his head.

"Look, you and I both know that no matter how many times they use you as a punching bag, you won't fight back. You don't want to make the situation worse or risk revealing your secret. I get that."

"So let me help you." Caitlin pleaded softly. "If we play this right, there doesn't have to be another fight."

"Cait," he breathed out, "It's dangerous here."

"I worked for a meta-human crime lord for months," She stated," It doesn't get much more dangerous than that,"

"Yeah, but that was Killer Frost." The speedster shot back.

"Barry, I am killer frost." She answered bluntly.

He wanted to argue that point, he really did. He didn't want her in danger. But at the same time, he knew how incredibly brave that had been of her to admit. It's a scary thing to come to terms with the darker parts of yourself. Killer Frost was a part of Caitlin, just as Savitar had been a part of Barry.

"I know." He finally spoke, "But still."

"Besides, this isn't long term." Caitlin assured, "Oliver and Felicity are in town too."

Barry perked up at that.

"Felicity thinks she may have found something that can reopen the case and clear your name," Caitlin continued, "You'll only be in here a few more days, a week at most."

For the first time since this all started, Barry felt a bit of hope surface within him.

"Okay," he relented, "If you're sure about this."

"I wouldn't have come if I wasn't."

"Plus, pretending to be Slash does half the work," Caitlin said, "I look scary, and the story is I got transferred from Gotham for killing another inmate."

"Good choice, everyone I've ever met from Gotham is scary."

"See, instant intimidation," Caitlin gave a slight smirk.

Barry laughed quietly.

"Now that we've gotten that out of the way," She stepped forward and pulled him into a hug.

Barry didn't hesitate in reciprocating it, wrapping his arms around her.

"Thank you," Barry whispered, resting his forehead on her shoulder.

"I wasn't going to let you do this alone, not if you didn't have to."

Barry simply held her tighter, wondering how he had gotten lucky enough to have a friend like her.


	14. Five Times

_**Description:**_ _Five times Caitlin met Barry on the S.T.A.R. Labs rooftop._

 **Just an idea I had and it turned into this. It was fun to write in little snippets like this.**

...

Caitlin inhaled the cold, damp air as a breeze swept over her. She stood, silently looking out across the city and listening to the ambient sound of the soft rainfall.

Recently, she had discovered how peaceful the S.T.A.R labs' rooftop was. The lab itself used to be peaceful, but these days it was more crowded and noisy. Which was fine, they really did need all the help they could get, but somedays it just became too much. Today was one of those days, and the roof offered Caitlin solace. Offered her a wide-open space with fresh air, and a wonderful view. It was a temporary escape, and Caitlin was happy for it.

She felt the tension begin to slowly ebb from her shoulders, while she absently studied the small puddles forming on the concrete. It was one of those gray rainy days, but not a muggy uncomfortable one. It was light and breezy, the air permeated with the smell of fresh rain. The atmosphere was calming and peaceful, exactly what she had needed to escape the tense environment inside. Caitlin knew she would need to go back eventually, but for now, she would simply enjoy it.

At some point, she registered someone else's presence on the roof. Caitlin knew who it was immediately, she could tell by the way his footsteps sounded or the way he carried himself.

"It's pretty chilly out here, you're going to catch a cold." Barry chided, as he stepped up beside her.

It was strange to hear him say that, mostly because she was used to chiding _him_ about his health.

"It doesn't bother me." She replied quietly.

"Okay, Elsa," He teased.

"You know I hate that nickname," She glanced at him, there was no bite to her words, only a hint of playfulness.

"I know," he answered with a small chuckle, "You froze Cisco's car the last time he called you that."

Caitlin couldn't help but smile a little at the memory. A comfortable silence settled on the roof as the pair took in the view before them.

"I'm sorry," Barry eventually spoke up.

"It's okay," Caitlin replied, knowing what he was talking about.

"Still," he continued quietly, "It wasn't fair for you and Cisco to get caught in between one of our screaming matches."

Caitlin had to admit, it hadn't been pleasant, being around for heated arguments never was. But she still didn't want Barry to feel any worse than he probably already did.

"Barry, it's alright," she assured, giving him an understanding look.

"Besides, it's kinda beautiful out." She added.

He nodded ever so slightly, growing quiet. Another breeze washed over them, lightly ruffling the jacket Caitlin wore.

"She wants a divorce." Barry blurted, his voice barely a whisper.

Caitlin stood in stunned silence for a moment or two.

"I'm sorry." She answered, matching his tone.

Because, what else was there to say? She had been dealing with the Barry and Iris fiasco for a few years now, it had always been a little difficult to predict. And at the end of the day, it had always been none of Caitlin's business.

"It's alright," Barry sighed, "it's been coming for a while." He spoke with resignation.

"I mean we've tried every angle, every way to try and fix things between us," Barry continued and Caitlin listened, "But it's just not working."

"I guess it was always one of those things that are nice in theory, but when you get there they're just...not what you thought they were," He let out a low, bitter laugh.

"I'm sorry you got hurt," Caitlin amended solemnly.

"But I have a feeling everything will turn out alright in the end," she assured, giving his arm a gentle pat, "You'll see."

"Thank you," Barry stated with an actual smile.

"What for?"

"Always being there."

"It's my pleasure," she answered easily.

They went back to watching the rain. Back to enjoying those rare moments where it's calm, and reality is just a bit altered. Where you forget about everything else and just exist in that moment.

...

The next time Caitlin found herself on the rooftop, it was a crisp, clear night. She was quite certain she would've been able to see the stars, had they not been drowned out by the city lights. Her stomach was in knots as she stood on the very edge of the building, looking down at the drop below her. Caitlin knew what she needed to do, but she was still working up the nerve.

Over the past several months, she had been learning to master her powers. She had gotten to the point where she no longer blacked out when using her abilities, and she could use them without fully changing. Not only that, but she and Killer Frost were no longer separate personalities. It had been a hard thing to accept; that other side of herself, but Caitlin had done it, and was better for it.

However, there was one thing she still hadn't been able to master. The ice slide. Something about propelling herself through the air on a sheet of ice just made her a little bit uncomfortable. Killer Frost had done it regularly, but that was the more adventurous, careless side of Caitlin. The one that hadn't had her logic and reason to check and balance it, but now she did. One part of Caitlin's mind told her to just _do it,_ the other part told her of the risks.

Eventually, Caitlin squared her shoulders and readied her frost. She took a breath and lifted her leg forward, preparing to step off the roof.

"Caitlin don't!" A voice cut through the air, catching her off guard.

She lost her balance and toppled over the edge. However, the fall was short-lived. An instant later Barry was there holding onto her, a look of horror etched on his features. Caitlin's breaths came out in uneven gasps as she dangled there, held only by Barry's firm grip. He quickly began to pull her up, all the while repeating the words, "I've got you."

As soon as she got close enough, Caitlin gripped the ledge and pulled herself up as well. Barry soon hauled her the rest of the way over and back onto solid concrete. Caitlin took a moment to catch her breath, hands trembling. She was about to thank Barry when he spoke.

"Why would you do that," he exclaimed, fear on his features, "I know it's hard sometimes, but that's not the way," Barry leveled his gaze with hers, worry in his eyes.

Caitlin furrowed her brow in confusion. Then it occurred to her just how that must've looked from Barry's perspective.

"Wait, no," Caitlin answered, "I wasn't trying to kill myself," she assured.

"Then why on earth were you about to step off the edge of a building?" Barry questioned frantically.

"I was trying to work on my ice slide," Caitlin admitted, standing up straight.

"Alone!" He shot back.

Apparently, she couldn't win with him tonight.

"Well, that's how I've learned everything else," Caitlin countered, wincing at how harsh it sounded.

It wasn't like she had asked, then again, nobody had offered either. But still, she immediately felt guilty about snapping at him.

Barry frowned.

"I'm sorry," she back peddled, "I didn't mean..."

"You're right," Barry stated, once again catching her off guard.

"Barry..."

"No, you are," he protested. "We haven't exactly been helping you, and for that I'm sorry," he said, a note of sincerity in his tone.

"It's alright," she replied quietly, "I shouldn't have snapped at you like that."

"And you shouldn't have had to feel like you had to do this alone," Barry argued.

"It's fine, it's not like any of us have really been training anyway," she reasoned.

"We should be though," he countered, "Especially if we're gonna be on the field together."

Caitlin nodded in agreement.

"Thank you for saving me," she added.

"I don't know if you should be thanking me since I'm the one that made you fall in the first place," he pointed out.

"Still," she said with a slight eye roll.

They were quiet for a beat, the distant sounds of the city blending into the background.

"Now," Barry began, "what do you say we work on that ice slide? If you want to, that is?"

Caitlin smiled ever so slightly, "Absolutely."

...

Eventually, Caitlin was the one that found Barry on the rooftop. She wasn't surprised. They had just taken down the latest villain that had been terrorizing not only the city but Barry as well. It had been an exhausting night, both physically and emotionally. Caitlin couldn't blame Barry for needing to take a minute. However, what was surprising was that somewhere along the way her hiding places had also become his too.

When she found him he was sitting on the floor, his head leaned back against the ledge. Caitlin stood in the stairwell and knocked lightly on the doorframe, announcing her presence.

Barry's eyes snapped open and he tensed, but once he caught sight of her, he seemed to relax a little. Caitlin offered him a smile and held up the fast-food bag she had been carrying.

"You did a lot of running today, I figured you'd need something to help keep your blood sugar up," she explained.

"Right, thanks," Barry shook his head, a weariness about him. "I completely forgot," he admitted.

"It's okay," Caitlin said understandingly, as she took a seat next to him. "That's why you have me,"

Barry breathed out a slight laugh, sitting up straight. Caitlin opened the bag and handed him a hamburger. The pair sat cross-legged on the concrete, eating together quietly. About 10 minutes later, they were sharing the last box of French fries and looking at the sky. The clouds were thick and low, catching the city lights in just a way as to make it look as if they glowed.

"How are you?" Caitlin asked, taking a bite of her fry.

"Better," Barry admitted, "I didn't realize how hungry I was.

"What about you," he inquired. "You took some pretty hard hits out there," Barry stated with a frown.

"I'm fine. You're not the only one that heals quickly Mr. Allen," Caitlin reminded, a relaxed tone to her voice.

"I know, Dr. Snow, I know," he answered, cracking a smile.

Barry leaned his head back against the concrete once more, taking a deep, heavy breath.

"Are you sure you're alright," Caitlin worried, crumpling up the paper bag.

"I'm okay, Cait," he informed in a low tone, "I'm just tired."

"Sometimes it's just hard, you know?" Barry explained, "It's one hit after another, one meta after another. It just gets..." he trailed off.

"Tedious," Caitlin supplied.

Barry nodded.

"I know," Caitlin sighed, leaning back next to him.

"But on the bright side, you're not in it alone, " she informed, resting her head on his shoulder. "And you never have to be."

"I know," Barry echoed.

He then wrapped his arm around her shoulder, resting his chin on her head.

...

Months later, Caitlin found herself on the roof once again, She was laying on a soft blanket, a picnic basket to her left. The sun hung low in the sky, casting slanted, golden light. She felt calm and relaxed, the rays of sunlight warm against her face.

"It's a car," Caitlin stated, pointing to a particularly large cloud.

"It's a giraffe," Barry argued from where he laid next to her.

"How are you getting a giraffe from that," Caitlin replied, her shoulders shaking with mirth, "It's square."

Barry simply rolled his eyes, light getting caught in his brown hair.

"Actually, it's neither a car nor a giraffe," Caitlin explained in a matter-of-fact tone, "really it's an aerosol comprised of a visible mass of minute liquid droplets, frozen crystals, or particles suspended in the atmosphere..."

Caitlin trailed off as she glanced at Barry, a spark in his eyes she couldn't quite place.

"What?" She inquired, propping herself up to look at him.

"Nothing," he gave a small laugh, looking down for a moment.

"I just love it when you start talking about science," Barry added, beaming.

Caitlin smiled back, certain her face was turning red. She curled up next to him, resting her head on his chest. Barry pulled her in closer, stealing a kiss every now and then. The two stayed there for a few hours, watching as the sky turned to stars.

...

Caitlin's footsteps echoed softly, her dress trailing at her feet. She came to a stop on the stairwell, just in front of the door.

"You ready?" Cisco asked, coming up beside her.

Caitlin nodded, looping her arm through his. She stayed there for a moment, attempting to calm the anxious feeling in her stomach.

"Thank you for doing this," Caitlin's voice echoed in the small metal compartment.

"I'm honored that you asked," Cisco replied, sincerity in his eyes.

She gave his arm a gentle squeeze. Caitlin took a breath, and a moment later Cisco opened the door. She was met with a calming breeze, the sunlight streaming through the moderately overcast sky.

Music played softly as the two began the walk, moving pasts the chairs that lined the aisle, As soon as Caitlin caught sight of Barry, her nerves melted away. He stood at the end of the walkway, looking dashing in his black tux. Harry and Oliver were standing next to him, wearing suits of their own. And just behind the empty spot next to him, was Felicity and Cecile. It was a small and private event, but that was fine with them. They didn't need nor want a big wedding, just as long as the people they cared about most were there. The couple had decided the S.T.A.R. roof was a good place for the ceremony. Not only had it in many ways become 'their spot,' but it was also very large and open. Not to mention, on days like today particularly, the view could be breathtaking.

Caitlin watched as an array of emotions flashed over Barry's face, mirroring what she herself felt. Eventually, she made it to the end of the aisle and took her place next to Barry. His features had settled on that 100-megawatt smile that she had always loved so much. As the minister prepared to begin the ceremony, Barry leaned closer to her and spoke.

"You were right," he informed in a low tone.

"About?"

"Everything turned out alright," Barry whispered, echoing the words she had once spoken to him.

Caitlin's mind flickered back to that day, that distant rainy day. She felt a rush of emotion, and a strange feeling in her chest. If she had been told that this was where that day would lead, she never would've believed it.

A moment later, the ceremony began. Caitlin beamed as they exchanged their vows, ready to begin the rest of their lives together.

 _The End_


	15. Vodka and Super Speed

_**Description:**_ _Drunk!Barry meets Drunk!Caitlin, shenanigans ensue. Bonus: Exasperated!Cisco._

 **Written for realsilveira, thank you so much for the idea, it was so much fun to write. I hope you don't mind I expanded the plot a little and took a few liberties (like the party doesn't start at Cait's place it ends there lol) Hope you like it, thank you for helping me get my creative juices flowing!**

...

Upbeat music blared in the background, as multi-colored lights danced across the ceiling and walls. To say that Caitlin Snow was a little drunk would be an understatement. She knew she shouldn't have drank as much as she did, and that she would hate herself in the morning. However, at that moment she couldn't bring herself to care, she felt better than she had in months. For the first time in a long time, she didn't feel stressed or afraid, nor did she feel the persistent tug of Killer Frost trying to rise to the surface. Needless to say, it was a welcomed relief.

Caitlin pondered all this as she waited for Cisco to return. Her friend had noticed her getting a bit too drunk at the party, and had pulled her aside, telling her he would be right back.

Minutes later Cisco reappeared a very woozy Barry in tow. The speedster plopped down beside Caitlin unceremoniously.

"Neither of you move," Cisco instructed firmly, "I'm going to go get the car."

The vibing meta-human soon disappeared into the crowd.

"Oh hey, Cait," Barry slurred happily, noticing her there for the first time.

"Barry!" she cooed, pulling him into a lazy hug. "Wait a minute," Caitlin spoke as they separated, "are you drunk?"

"I don't know, Cisco gave me this drink and said it would get me buzzed for a little while," Barry gestured loosely, "I feel reeeeally tipsy right now though," he added.

"Don't feel bad, I do too," Caitlin informed, whispering loudly.

"You're fun when you're drunk," Barry announced, "remember that time we went out and we sang,"

"I remember that part, but nothing else," Caitlin frowned.

"Oh well, I'll just tell you," he shrugged, swaying slightly. "After we sang you threw up in the parking lot, and I took you home and you asked me to save you from the evil dress." His words were jumbled together.

Caitlin gasped, feeling her cheeks redden, and it wasn't just because of the alcohol.

"But I didn't look or anything, I just helped you get into your pajamas," Barry back peddled, his voice still uneven.

Caitlin nodded after a few moments, lacking the focus to stay flustered for long. Not only that, she trusted Barry.

"Anyway," he continued, "after that you went to bed and asked me to stay with you until you fell asleep."

"Oh," Caitlin nodded, "Well, thank you for taking care of me, I never knew."

"It's no problem," Barry cracked a lopsided smile.

They were silent for a beat.

"We should do it again," Barry blurted out of nowhere. "Karaoke, I mean."

"It _was_ fun," she admitted, "but there's no karaoke here." Caitlin frowned once more.

Barry shoulders slumped and he fell into a glum silence.

"Maybe we could go back to the bar?" Caitlin suddenly got the idea.

Barry perked up immediately. He quickly agreed with her suggestion, standing up. Caitlin got up as well, the room only spun for a moment or two, so she figured she would be alright.

"But no super-speed this time," Caitlin reminded, shaking a finger at him.

"Because vodka and super speed aren't a good combination," Barry echoed, as the two made their way through the crowd.

When Cisco arrived minutes later, he was extremely panicked upon realizing he had lost two completely hammered meta-humans.

...

Barry Allen found himself in the middle of the street, Caitlin next to him. They were standing in front of the construction site that used to be a karaoke bar. Apparently, it had been sold and demolished. Barry wouldn't admit it, but he kinda wanted to cry. He had made some good memories there.

Caitlin was frowning again, her puppy-dog brown eyes full of sadness. Her frown had always done things to Barry. It had always tugged at his heartstrings and made him want to do everything in his power to make it vanish. Her smile did things to him too. It made him feel like he could save the world, or beat the villain, or fight a dragon.

"Hey, turn that frown upside down," Barry chimed, facing her.

"We can find another karaoke bar," he added, placing his hands on her shoulders.

Caitlin nodded, cheering up a bit.

A moment later, a swirling blue portal opened up next to them. Cisco stepped through, wearing an exasperated look.

"What are you guys doing?" He questioned, "I told you two to stay put."

"We got bored," Caitlin whined.

"Yeah well, that doesn't mean you can just go wandering around while you're completely hammered," Cisco shot back.

"Why not, I'm the _Flash_!" Barry drawled out a little too loudly.

"And I'm Killer Frost!" Caitlin supplied.

"Would you just keep your voices down," Cisco hushed them.

Begrudgingly, they both complied.

"Can't believe I have to be the responsible adult here," he muttered to himself, sweeping them aside and opening a breach.

"Come on," Cisco spoke gesturing to the portal, "it's time to go home."

That was too bad, Barry didn't want to go just yet. As Cisco ushered them towards the breach, he got an idea.

"The Reverse Flash!" Barry yelled, pointing behind Cisco.

He let out a small shriek and whirled around. Barry took the opportunity to grab Caitlin and speed away.

An instant later Cisco realized what had happened, "That's just cold," he grumbled to himself.

Blocks away, Barry skidded to a stop, giggling wildly. Caitlin was laughing as well, using the alley wall to support herself. After the mirth died down, Caitlin turned to Barry and spoke.

"I thought we said no super speed,"

"Oh sorry," Barry blurted, a guilty look on his face, "I forgot,"

"So where to, Dr. Snow?" He added,

"I thought you'd never ask," she grinned, "I have a few ideas."

Karaoke, chicken wings, a tattoo parlor, and several embarrassing moments later, Barry and Caitlin were stumbling through the door of her apartment.

"I can't believe I got a tattoo," Caitlin stated as she hopped towards her bedroom, attempting to take off her heels. "And sang again,"

"See, I told you, you're fun when your drunk," Barry replied, "you turn into kind of an exhibitionist."

"I do not!" Caitlin's muffled voice called back, "Besides, you can't say anything, Mr. Allen, you got a tattoo too,"

Barry couldn't help but laugh a little, she had him there. While she was changing, he took the time to take in her apartment, noting small differences here and there.

"Did you redecorate?" Barry eventually called, "It looks different than the last time I saw it."

"That's because it's a different apartment, silly." Caitlin popped out of her room, now in pajamas.

"So that's why it was in a different location," Barry spoke as he followed her back into her room, only half-joking.

Caitlin peeled back her covers and crawled into bed. Barry helped tuck her in, deciding it was time to retire.

"I should probably get going," Barry informed, gesturing to the door.

"Nonsense," Caitlin exclaimed, sitting back up, "you shouldn't drink and speed!"

"I was just gonna walk," he admitted with a small chuckle.

Caitlin was quiet for a moment

"Please stay with me," she asked quietly, "I...I don't wanna be alone,"

Barry nodded in understanding. Caitlin made a spot for him as he walked around to the other side. He slipped under the covers and she turned out the light, each settling into their respective spots. With anybody else, it probably would've been awkward, but they had long since surpassed that point in their relationship. She needed him, and he was going to be there.

As Barry laid there, he soon realized the effects of Cisco's concoction was beginning to wear off. He was still slightly buzzed, but not anywhere near as drunk as he had been. He just hoped he could fall asleep before the headache hit him.

After a while, Caitlin rolled over to face him, her sleepy doe-eyes meeting his.

"Thank you for everything," she whispered, "I've missed just spending time with you,"

"Yeah, me too," Barry answered with a small smile.

"I can't believe we got tattoo's," Barry repeated her words, "you're gonna be so freaked out in the morning,"

Caitlin only shook her head, "I love them," she assured.

She pulled down her sleeve, taking one last look at the ink design. It was a snowflake with a lightening bolt running through it, Barry had a matching one on his forearm. It was something neither of them would've ever done had liquor not been involved. But even though he was rapidly sobering up, Barry couldn't bring himself to regret it.

"I love you, Barry," Caitlin murmured, her eyes slipping closed.

Barry froze for a moment as her words sunk in.

"I love you too, Cait," Barry answered softly.

A peaceful smile rested on her features as she drifted off.

He laid deathly still for a few moments, mostly because neither of them had been drunk enough to be able to blame that confession on the alcohol. Maybe buzzed and relaxed, but they hadn't said anything they hadn't meant.

Barry was painfully aware that they were going to have to sort this whole mess out in the morning. A part of him couldn't help but think it was going to end disastrously, but another part held on hope that maybe it would all turn out alright. That maybe they could finally move past this limbo they had been suspended in. But for now they would sleep.

The speedster closed his eyes, letting himself drift off.

...

Cisco Ramon stepped through the breach and into Caitlin's living room. It had been a bit hit and miss, but he had finally tracked the pair down. Quite frankly, he was incredibly annoyed with them, but he still wanted I make sure they were alright.

He made his way through the house, silently leaning through the bedroom doorway. Barry and Caitlin were fast asleep, mouths hanging open as they snored.

Cisco smirked deviously and snapped a picture, it would be perfect revenge for nearly giving him a heart attack and ditching.

He yawned, before opening a breach and heading home. All the while, planing to save that picture as the back ground on every S.T.A.R. Labs computer they owned.


	16. Power Swap

_**Description:**_ _Things go awry when Team Flash encounters a new meta with the ability to switch people's DNA._

 **I'm just gonna say this right now, this story was written long before Run, Iris, Run ever came out. All my info on that episode was from an article that didn't quite get all the facts right. That's why the villain's name is wrong and the characterization is totally different.**

 **That being said, this is my take on what it could have been like if the OTF had switched powers instead.**

...

Barry squeezed his eyes shut, a persistent ring resonating in his ears. Faintly, he registered the feeling of the hard, abrasive pavement against his exposed cheek. At first, he wasn't sure what was happening, but he knew he needed to get up. Barry managed to prop himself on his hands and knees before a wave of nausea swept over him. He took a few deep breaths, willing it to pass. Barry opened his eyes, his fallen teammates lit by the glow of the parking lot lamps. After that, it all came rushing back.

The Flash, Killer Frost, and Vibe had been trying to apprehend a new bus-meta. They hadn't been sure what his endgame was, only that he'd been kidnapping terminally ill people. The team had managed to stop him from taking another patient and were on the verge of capturing the meta. That is, until he generated some kind of energy blast, incapacitating them.

As Caitlin and Cisco began to stir, Barry gathered his strength, forcing himself to his feet. As soon as he stood, he knew something was wrong. His feet felt like weights, at least in comparison to how they usually felt. Barry attempted to break into a run, but only accomplished a light jog. He wasn't moving at super speed, or even normal speed for that matter.

About halfway across the street, Barry had to stop and take a breather. Cisco and Caitlin were now upright, trying to recover from the blast. Caitlin caught sight of Barry's hunched form, a worried expression settling on her features.

"I think I lost my speed," Barry grimaced, hints of panic rising within him.

Caitlin moved to clear the distance between them, becoming nothing but a blur of red lightening an instant later. Somewhere along the way she tripped and overshot, crashing into the side of a nearby dumpster.

"I think I found it," Caitlin groaned, rolling onto her back.

Barry quickly ran to help her, waddling as he did.

"That was awesome," Cisco blurted, as Barry helped her to her feet.

He was met with two disapproving glares. "Or not," Cisco put his hands up in surrender.

"We need to get back to the lab and figure out how this happened," Caitlin stated, dusting herself off.

Cisco nodded, moving to open a breach. However, a swirling portal didn't form when he jerked his hand. Instead, a blast of ice shot out, slamming into one of the parked cars. He stood motionless, mouth agape in shock as the ice-coated the vehicle. A moment later the windows shattered from the sudden change in temperature, setting off the car alarm in the process. Cisco visibly cringed as the noise blared through the near-empty parking lot.

"Oh hell no," he muttered, staring down at his hands.

As the reality of the situation sunk in, Barry noticed the hospital staff beginning to pool at the building entrance. That was their cue to leave.

"Well, breach or not, we gotta get going," Barry prompted. "The police are probably already on their way."

"Okay, wait wait wait," Cisco spoke. "If she has your powers, and I have hers. Then that means..." he turned to Barry, "you have mine."

"Maybe you can open a breach," Cisco quickly took off his glasses and gloves and put them on a very unwilling Barry.

"Wha...I've had your powers for like 3 minutes," Barry blurted. "Besides, she's the speedster now," he gestured to Caitlin.

"Well, I don't exactly have my speed legs yet, now do I," Caitlin huffed.

"Well, what makes you think I have my vibe...hand," Barry countered.

Caitlin nodded, admitting agreement.

"Just give it a try," Cisco continued, "I'll guide you through it.

Barry sighed reluctantly and held up his hand.

Several minutes, a few failed attempts, and one pep talk later...they finally called an Uber.

...

Harry didn't know what he expected when he came rushing back to the lab after getting an alert, but it certainly wasn't this. As he entered the main area he was met with the sight of Barry sitting in the chair, holding his head. Cisco was next to him, wrapped in a blanket and nursing a warm mug in his hands. And Caitlin was zipping around the lab at super-human speed.

"I'm freezing," Cisco complained, curling further in on himself.

"You get used to it," Caitlin answered, stopping for only a moment. "This is the warmest I've been in months."

Cisco shot her an annoyed glare as she sped away.

"Coffee, I just went to get coffee," Harry spoke in exasperation. "What happened?"

"We were trying to stop the meta from kidnapping another patient," Barry explained, "and he somehow...switched our powers."

"Not just our powers," Caitlin chimed in, now holding a clipboard, "he somehow managed to switch our DNA."

"So that blast was some kind of genetic..." Barry began.

"Melting Pot!" Cisco sprang to his feet, the blanket falling off as he did. "We should call him Melting Pot."

Harry only shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Okay, anyway," Caitlin continued. "If we're going to even begin to figure out how to reverse this, we need to know how he does it. And in order to do that we're probably going to need a sample of his DNA," she explained.

"Yeah, except we've got nothing on his location or the patients," Barry pointed out, "We don't even know what his motive is here."

"I might actually have something on that," Cisco snapped his fingers, using the chair to roll towards one of the computers.

"Okay, so this whole time we've been focusing on the patients, trying to figure out what connection they might have," Cisco explained, tapping the computer keys as he did. "But then I thought: what if it's not about the patients themselves, what if it's about the diseases?"

"It would make sense, all of their conditions were rooted in their genetics," Caitlin supplied. "So theoretically, given his abilities he could..."

"Give them to someone else," Barry echoed as she spoke.

"So I did a little cross-referencing," Cisco stated, "and low and behold, three different people were checked into the hospital with the exact same conditions as our missing patients," he informed, pulling up the records.

"All died within hours," Caitlin said solemnly as she scanned the files.

"What's the relation?" Harry stepped forward to get a better look at the screen, brushing against Barry in the process.

The ex-speedster visibly recoiled, nearly falling out of the chair.

"Dude, don't do that again, I just vibed your birth," he yelled, clutching his head.

A series of shutters could be heard throughout the room.

Harry only rolled his eyes. He could already tell these next few days were going to be...trying.

"They all worked at the same company. So did our boy Matthew, AKA Melting Pot," Cisco answered the previous question, leaning back in the office chair. "That is until he was fired for assaulting a coworker. He claimed that the guy had cheated him out of a job promotion."

"So he's getting even," Barry concluded.

"Sounds like."

"Any idea who might be next?" Caitlin chimed in.

"The coworker Matthew assaulted wasn't one of the victims, maybe him" Cisco spoke, glancing at the files.

"You intercepted him once, he'll try again," Harry said, crossing his arms. "If you're going to catch him you all need to get a better handle on your new abilities..."

He was cut off by Cisco's loud sneeze. A burst of frost accidentally shot out from his hand, coating the computer screen.

"I rest my case."

"Aw man," Cisco whined, "those aren't cheap."

"Oh boo hoo, just take a hairdryer to it later," Harry shrugged.

"It doesn't work like that!" Cisco snapped.

"Uh, guys," Caitlin spoke.

"Yes, Dr. Snow?" Harry turned to face her. He was met with the sight of the doctor braced against one of the chairs, a glazed over look in her eyes.

"I don't feel so good," she admitted, her tone low.

An instant later Caitlin seemed to go limp, falling forward. Barry sprung from his chair, managing to catch her before she hit the floor.

"Hypoglycemia," he and Harry both concluded simultaneously.

"Come on, get her to the med bay, we need to get her blood sugar back up," Harry ordered, quickly beginning to gather the supplies to start an IV.

Barry looped his arms behind her knees and picked her up, moving as fast as his now average legs could carry him.

...

The next few days were filled with training and each member of the team attempting to adjust to their new circumstances.

Caitlin was getting better with her newfound speed, learning to navigate and fight with it. They hadn't had another fainting incident, which she counted as a win. Barry was helping her as much as he could, even teaching her to faze.

Barry himself was improving at focusing, controlling his vibes, and opening breaches. He had even managed to vibe the missing patients. The team located and recovered them at an old warehouse by the docks, Melting Pot was nowhere to be found.

Cisco was getting better as well. He had gained enough control he was no longer accidentally freezing things. But beyond that, he hadn't wanted to do much training. Caitlin couldn't really blame him. She had been checking up on him often. He was a little unnerved by his abilities, but overall he seemed to be taking it in stride.

After two days or so, Harry had said they needed some actual field experience. So the trio suited up and went on patrol. Caitlin wore a prototype suit Cisco had been developing for Jesse. It didn't exactly fit perfectly, but it was manageable. Barry wore the vibe glasses and gloves, plus a suit they had managed to piece together for him. And Cisco...he just wore a parka and glasses. Mostly because he came to the realization that Killer Frost didn't really have a super suit. (That and her old one absolutely would not fit him.)

Things went pretty well until

they had tried to stop a bank robbery. Caitlin had slipped on Cisco's ice and Barry accidentally broke a window with his vibes. But in the end, they had caught the robber and nobody got hurt.

Needless to say, it was a work in progress. But as Harry had said: neither the Flash, nor Vibe, nor Killer Frost was built in a day. They just had to keep at it.

Caitlin pondered all this as she stared up at her bedroom ceiling. Turns out becoming a speedster might not have been the best thing for her. She wouldn't exactly call herself a workaholic, but she liked to keep busy. Usually, when insomnia struck, she would go over lab results or the like. Most days there was no shortage of things she needed to do. However, she had no such solace tonight.

Any work at the lab had long been finished, and she had run all the errands she needed to do. In fact, she had run all her errands for the next several days. She had even thoroughly tidied and cleaned her house from top to bottom. And when chores ran out, she resorted to various home renovations she hadn't quite gotten around to in the past.

As a result, Caitlin found herself wide awake at 2:00 AM with nothing to help reel in her rampant mind. The speedster let out a frustrated huff, rolling over in attempts to get more comfortable. She repeated the process a few more times, before finally throwing off the covers and getting up. Caitlin threw on her clothes in a flash, before speeding to the lab. There had to be something she could do. Anything.

She flashed out the door and through the streets, the wind whipping against her face. It was moments like those that made Caitlin understand why Barry loved it so much. Truthfully, it wasn't exactly her forte, but it was insightful to see life from a speedster's point of view. It helped her better understand Barry and the various others she encountered in this line of work.

She stopped once she got to the lab, beginning to collect paperwork. The doctor had lab results she could double-check and a few tests she had wanted to run. Caitlin was about to head for her office when she was caught off guard by a breach opening across the room.

For an instant, Caitlin thought to run. But then it occurred to her, it was pointless, Barry would still feel the gust and see the lightning. Besides, she was a grown woman and there was absolutely no reason to hide the fact she was working late.

Barry stepped through the portal, dressed head to toe in his Vibe suit. He closed the breach behind him, jumping about a foot off the ground when he realized she was there.

"Hey Cait," he greeted, the pitch of his voice unusually high. "Wh..what are you doing here."

"Just had some paperwork I wanted to go over," she replied calmly. "Besides, I could ask you the same thing," Caitlin spoke teasingly, eyes gesturing to his suit.

"Oh, uh...I was just..." he looked down as if he had just become aware he was wearing it, "at a Comic-Con." He stated with an awkward clear of his throat.

Caitlin turned around, regarding him with an amused smile. Judging by the look on his face, she could tell even he wasn't buying it.

"That was pretty bad, wasn't it," Barry asked with a grimace.

"Yeah, it was," she laughed quietly.

"You've gotten better at breaching, but you haven't gotten any better at lying." Caitlin turned back to collect her papers.

"I uh, I couldn't sleep," Barry admitted, moving to lean against the desk she was working at.

"So you went on patrol," Caitlin replied quietly.

Barry nodded. "I guess without my speed, I'm...I'm just worried something will happen."

Caitlin nodded in understanding. Barry eyes her suspiciously for a moment

"You couldn't sleep either could you?" Barry spoke softly. "So you came to work," he added, a knowing glint in his eyes.

"Is it that obvious," Caitlin sighed.

"Yeah kinda," Barry cracked a slight smile.

"Well, I guess that pretty much sums us up," she spoke with a slight chuckle.

"We're quite something," he agreed.

An instant later, a series of clatters echoed through what should've been the otherwise empty lab. Caitlin set down her papers, the two heading towards the source of the noise. As they moved through the halls and into the main room, it soon became apparent it was Cisco. That is if the repeated use of the word 'frack' was anything to go by.

Barry and Caitlin rounded the corner, finding the cryokinetic at one of the workbenches. He was tinkering with the many devices strewn throughout the lab.

"Cisco?" Barry spoke, startling him.

"Son of a breach," he muttered as he whirled around.

"Sorry," Caitlin apologized they stepped through the door.

"Hey, guys," Cisco greeted, leaning awkwardly on the bench.

"Can't sleep either?" Caitlin inquired.

"I uh...I actually haven't left yet," he admitted tensely.

Caitlin frowned a little at that.

"But uh...you know what, it is getting late and I think gonna," Cisco paused to force a yawn, "turn in for the night."

"I'll see you guys tomorrow," he added, attempting to take his leave.

As he did, he reached to swipe something off the workbench, succeeding only in knocking it off. Several pieces of tech clattered into the floor, Cisco rushing to pick them up. As Barry and Caitlin knelt down to help him, it became obvious what he had been working on. It was a smaller, more functional version of the power dampening cuff.

"Oh Cisco," Caitlin whispered, worry evident in her tone.

"Is it really that bad?" Barry asked quietly, his brows knit together.

Cisco remained silent for a few moments before letting out a sigh. He shifted to a sitting position, leaning his head back against the bench.

"No...yes...I don't know," Cisco answered, an edge to his voice. "I just, I don't _feel_ like myself."

Barry and Caitlin mimicked his previous action, moving to sit beside him.

"I'm angry, and I'm cold...and I'm scared," he breathed out, exhaustion in his voice. "Every night when I go to bed there's this _pressure_ in the back of mind. Like it's trying to claw it's way to the surface."

"I'm terrified I'm gonna wake up..." He added, his eyes begging to get misty.

"And be somebody else," Caitlin finished, a look of sadness and understanding on her features. "I know, believe me, I do."

"How do you live with that every day," Cisco whispered, not netting her gaze

"It's hard sometimes," she admitted, "but it gets easier, I promise it does."

"But you know what? You already have better control then I did." She stated, "I was still accidentally freezing my shower weeks after I found out I had powers.

"I froze my toilet yesterday," he admitted with teary eyes laughter.

Barry and Caitlin couldn't help but laugh a little along with him.

"The point is," she added, leveling her gaze with his, "everything is going to be okay. You don't have to hide anything, I know what it's like. I'm here for you, _we're_ here for you," she assured.

"Yeah man, we were all hit by that blast," Barry supplied.

Cisco took a deep breathe, wiping away the tears. "Thank you," he said, sincerity in his tone.

"Hey, we're in this together." Caitlin only shrugged.

Cisco cracked a smile. A comfortable silence settled over them as they sat on the floor of the dimly lit lab.

After a while, Barry spoke up. "We should watch a movie."

The idea seemed to lift Cisco spirits near instantly. "Well," he grinned, "I do have the most extensive movie collection out of all of us. Not to toot my own horn."

Caitlin only laughed and shook her head, moving to stand up. Barry followed suit, the pair helping Cisco to his feet.

"Care to do the honors," Caitlin glanced at Barry.

He obliged, putting his hand up and opening a breach.

"You gotta do it with more style than that," Cisco critiqued, "it's all in the wrists."

"Hey, no backseat breaching. They're my powers now." Barry complained.

"Well, technically they're still my powers, you're just borrowing them," Cisco countered.

Barry rolled his eyes as they headed for the breach.

"We should wake Harry up too," Caitlin suggested, wryly.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure if we woke him up at 2:00 o'clock in the morning he might actually murder us," Cisco said with a laugh.

The trio settled into a comfortable banter as they stepped through the breach, the power dampening cuffs all but forgotten.

...

Harry had been right. Days later, Melting Pot made another kidnapping attempt. This time they did it right. They worked as a team, and in the end, had been successful at capturing the meta. They kept him in the cortex for a while before turning him over to the police, having gotten the DNA sample they needed.

As a result, the trio found themselves standing around a small circular device. According to Cisco and Harry, it should recreate the blast and reverse the effects. 'Should' being the operative word. After all, it was still a prototype. Harry stepped back and began to power it up.

Barry took a breath, glancing at the others. He smiled, knowing that no matter what happened next, it would be alright. So long as he had his teammates.


	17. Caitlin Snow: Tie Specialist

_**Description**_ : _Caitlin Snow: Doctor, scientist, Bio-Engineer, meta-human...and Tie Specialist. Or alternatively, five times Caitlin tied Barry's tie for him._

 **Hello all, so this was just a really random concept I got from a story I read in another fandom and it grew from there. I hope you guys enjoy. :D**

...

Caitlin Snow unconsciously shifted in her seat, eyes scanning over the computer screen. Steadily, she scrolled down the page, trying to soak up every detail. The team was after a meta-human, one that could hold the key to defeating Zoom. Which was why Caitlin found herself going over old reports before they left for the art gallery. She was trying to make sure they were as prepared as possible.

Absently, she listened to the sounds that drifted through the otherwise quiet lab. There was Cisco in his shop, rigging her up a last-minute com device. Harry was a few rooms away, scribbling down equations and muttering to himself.

Then there was Barry. Barry had been sitting across the room, struggling to tie his tie for the past 10 minutes. Caitlin had been watching him from the corner of her eye, tying and untying it for the umpteenth time. Though he appeared calm, she could tell he was getting frustrated with it. The doctor glanced over her screen one last time before closing the tab and shutting it down altogether. With a quiet sigh, she stood, smoothing out her blue dress.

"Need any help?" Caitlin offered, her voice echoing a little in the empty room.

"No," he said, a bit too quickly. "I mean, it's okay. I...I got it," Barry added, calmer this time. An instant later, his hands became a blur as he used his speed to tie it once more.

"There," he presented it with a proud smile. The tie was a crooked and uneven jumble of fabric. Barry's expression fell as soon as he saw the monstrosity. He let out a defeated sigh, his shoulders and head slumping.

Caitlin only smiled. "Here, let me," she spoke softly, already starting to untangle the mess of a knot.

"Thank you," Barry replied, sincerity in his tone.

He stood straight and tilted his head upward, allowing her better access to his shirt collar. As Caitlin began the process, the familiar motion brought back memories. Memories of her father and his illness, memories of tying his tie on the days he had not been able to. Her mother had never been particularly good at it, so Caitlin had taken it upon herself. One day, she had sneaked away an old tie and had spent hours practicing in the mirror until she got it just right.

Caitlin quickly pushed those memories (and the sadness that came with it) aside, focusing on the task at hand. She went through the process like she did with all her procedures and operations. Steady and methodically, taking time to make sure every detail was in place.

"I'm sorry," Barry stated quietly, his voice breaking her out of her reverie, "I don't usually wear one, and tonight I'm just..." he trailed off.

"Nervous," she supplied, eyes briefly flickering up at him.

"Yeah," Barry nodded.

"It's okay," Caitlin assured, pulling the tie taught. "I get it. We've all been a little nervous lately."

She returned her focus to the cloth, putting the finishing touches on the near-perfect Windsor Knot.

"There," she announced, stepping back to examine it one last time. "All done."

Barry thanked her once more.

"Don't mention it," she said lightly, placing a hand on his shoulder. Caitlin then moved away, intending to go check on Cisco's progress.

"Hey, Cait," Barry's voice halted her.

"Yes," she turned back to face him.

He opened his mouth to speak, then abruptly closed it. Barry appeared to struggle with whatever he wanted to say for a few more moments before coming to a decision.

"You look really nice," he finally spoke.

Caitlin smiled warmly. "Thank you. You look pretty sharp yourself."

A bright grin spread across Barry's features, a bit of confidence settling into his demeanor.

"See you there," he answered quietly.

"See you there," she echoed.

He was gone in a flash.

...

It was grey and gloomy outside, raindrops softly pattering against the window. It seemed fitting, as if the very sky was mourning along with them.

Caitlin could count on one hand how many times she had spoken to Henry Allen. But it only took once for her to know he was an incredibly kind man, one who didn't deserve the cards that life had dealt him. And she didn't even have to meet him to know how much he meant to Barry. So yes, Caitlin was morning him for herself. But mostly, she was morning him for Barry. She knew what it was like to lose a father, she knew how hard it was.

Caitlin took a deep breath and collected herself, slipping on her black jacket. She grabbed an umbrella and headed for the door, knowing Cisco would be by to pick her up any minute now.

Caitlin walked out of her apartment and into the hall, jumping the moment she saw a flash of black in her peripheral. It only took her a moment to realize it was Barry, she just barely managed to conceal her reaction. In all honesty, it probably shouldn't have scared her as much as it did. But after everything...she was still a bit jumpy.

Barry was sitting on the floor beside her door, a black suit on and an umbrella of his own beside him.

"Hey," Caitlin greeted, her voice nearly a whisper.

Barry regarded her with red-rimmed eyes. Caitlin stood there a bit awkwardly for a few moments, waiting for Barry to give her any indication as to what he was doing. When he didn't, Caitlin made a calculated decision. She put down her umbrella and slowly took a seat next to him. Moments stretched on as silence reigned, the pair leaning back against the wall. Eventually, Barry spoke, pulling a black piece of fabric from his pocket.

"I couldn't get it right," he stated, his voice raw and horse.

Caitlin nodded in understanding, gently taking the tie from him. She pivoted to her knees and positioned herself correctly, draping it around his neck. Her movements were the same as before, though there was a heaviness to them this time. In under a minute Caitlin finished, returning to her spot next to Barry.

"Thanks," his voice was still uneven.

"It's nothing," she assured, resting her hand atop his.

Barry fell quiet once more and Caitlin let him, she wasn't about to push him to do anything.

"I...I don't know if I can do it," Barry whispered soon after, tears brimming in his eyes.

Caitlin knew what he meant.

"I mean I owe him that much, but I don't know if I can go there and..." Barry continued, his voice breaking and fading away altogether.

Caitlin's fingers curled around his hand, her own eyes becoming misty.

"What if I went with you?" She inquired, her gaze meeting his.

It seemed like a silly statement, but to them, it had a deeper meaning. Because it was obvious she was going, they all were. But it meant more than just the literal to them, it was an unspoken reassurance. A reassurance that he wasn't alone. A promise to be there for him, in any way she could. Barry tightened his grip around her hand, giving a shaky nod. A silent understanding passed between them.

Then together they stood, ready to face the inevitable.

...

The world was quiet and still.

Morning sunlight streamed through the kitchen window, shards fracturing across the tile floor. Caitlin inhaled the earthy aroma of her coffee, warmth from the cup slowly seeping into her palms. It had been a good morning so far. There had been no meta-alerts or catastrophe's, no emergencies or calls, it was just quiet and calm. Caitlin had grown to appreciate moments like that in the past few years.

The knock that sounded at her door was familiar and on-time. She knew it was Barry by the number of raps, (after one too many kidnappings, the team had developed their own system.)

"Come in," Caitlin called, taking a sip of her coffee.

At this point, he really didn't need to knock, but she was grateful that he was so courteous about it. An instant later, Barry appeared in her kitchen with a soft gust. Caitlin glanced up at him, regarding the tie draped over his shoulder.

"Good morning," she greeted, setting down the mug and rising to her feet.

"Good morning to you too," Barry smiled, a spark in his eyes.

Caitlin picked up the tie, examining it to make sure it matched his shirt. She didn't know exactly when it had become their routine, but it had. Barry had taken to wearing the accessory more often, and as a result, he would come to her for help nearly every morning. And if she wasn't available, he wouldn't wear one at all. A certain part of Caitlin couldn't help but wonder why. She was sure he could figure it out if he really wanted to. But for whatever reason, he seemed perfectly content letting her help him. And in the end, Caitlin didn't mind. So it had simply become a thing for them.

She fussed with the fabric a little more, before finally smoothing the tie down and tucking it in. Barry thanked her, as he always did. After that he began to take his leave, promising to see her at the lab.

"You know, you could stay for breakfast if you wanted," Caitlin offered. "I'm beginning to think you only love me for my tie tying skills," she teased, crossing her arms.

"That's not true," Barry argued, though there was a hint of mischief in his tone, "I love you for your medical skills too."

Caitlin gaped in mock offense, eyes alit with playfulness. Barry laughed at her reaction, just barely dodging the swat she aimed at his arm. Once the mirth died down, Barry turned to her with a serious expression.

"Actually," he began, "I love you for more reasons then I can count."

Caitlin gave him a soft smile, warmth spreading through her chest. After that, they settled into pleasant and easy conversation, enjoying the rest of their morning together.

...

Caitlin's stomach did somersaults as she stood in front of the full-length mirror, smoothing down her white dress.

Felicity and Cecile had stepped out to take their places a few moments prior, leaving the bride alone with her thoughts. In short, Caitlin was nervous. She couldn't seem to pinpoint the exact origin, it was like it was everything and nothing at once. Every other, meaningless thing. It was the timing, and the powers, and the newest meta-human terror that had everyone on their toes. Surprisingly, it wasn't because she had cold feet, no pun intended. In fact, marrying Barry was the one thing she wasn't nervous about. She loved him, and she knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. And in the end, she supposed that was all that mattered.

Caitlin closed her eyes and took a deep breath, willing herself to relax. She was snapped back into reality when the soft sound of knocking echoed from the other side of the room.

"It's open," she informed, assuming it was Cisco coming to escort her down the aisle.

Much to Caitlin's surprise, it was Barry who stepped through the door, his hand placed firmly over his eyes.

"Barry," Caitlin blurted, though there was no bite to her tone. "What are you doing? You know it's bad luck.

Caitlin didn't know how much she believed in that, but given their track record with weddings, she didn't want to take any chances.

"I haven't actually seen anything," he pointed out innocently.

"Still," she spoke flatly.

"I know, I know," Barry said, a hint of agitation in his voice. "I just...I couldn't get it," he informed, holding up his black tie.

"Really?" Caitlin gave him I incredulous look, aware he couldn't see her.

"Liar. You had it just a minute ago and then you took it off," Cisco's muffled voice called from the other side of the door.

"Traitor," Barry rolled his eyes beneath his hand.

Caitlin couldn't stop her lips from tugging upward in an amused smile.

"Alright, you caught me," Barry sighed softly, turning his attention back to her. "I could get it. It just didn't feel right.

"Today's a big day. I had to consult my Tie Specialist," he added, a hint of humor in his tone.

"Oh, so that's what we're calling it now," she raised her eyebrow.

"I thought it was catchy," Barry answered, a goofy grin on his lips.

Caitlin simply shook her head and smiled, taking the material. From that moment on, she knew everything was going to be alright.

...

Caitlin once again found herself standing in front of Barry, hands repeating that familiar motion. He stood with his chin tilted up and his hands in his trouser pockets, rambling on about the schematics for a new AI he was designing.

They both knew it was Gideon.

Caitlin listened intently and continued to fold and loop the tie, the muffled sounds of the kids getting ready for school upstairs cutting in from time to time. This had been their routine for ages now. It wasn't just that though, this was their life. This was their home.

On impulse, Caitlin leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Barry's lips.

"I'm not complaining, but what was that for?" He inquired, wrapping his arms around her.

"Just because," she beamed.

Because she was happy. Happy with the life they had built together.

 _The End._


	18. Fury and Frost

_**Description:**_ _In the aftermath of the unthinkable, Caitlin finally finds her trigger._

 **All aboard the angst train! Woot! Woot! This is kinda Snowbarry but also kinda OTF. Not sure how well it turned out but the concept wouldn't leave me alone.**

 **Also, thank you all for the 10k views!**

...

 _"The Flash is down."_

The entire sequence of events had started with those four words.

"The Flash is down!" Oliver had yelled through the chaos of yet another inter-dimensional invasion. Not three minutes after the vigilante had uttered those words through the coms, a similar statement was made. Except it was only two words. This time it was more final...more broken.

"H...he's gone," Caitlin's voice echoed over Cisco's earpiece.

Vibe stopped in his tracks, the gravity of the situation hitting him full force. The environment around him became dull and distant, those two little words bouncing around in his head. Cisco stumbled a bit, reaching out to grip a nearby wall for support.

As he stood there in the broken rubble that was Central City, the world seemed to shatter. He was dead, Barry Allen was dead. _His best friend was dead._

"No," Cisco whispered, "no, he can't be..." he trailed off, his eyes becoming misty.

Oliver suddenly appeared in Cisco's field of vision. He was dirty and bruised, a tired look marring his features. The archer's eyes remained fixed a good 30 feet behind Cisco, on Barry no doubt. It was where he had breached Caitlin to tend to the speedster's wounds just minutes before. He didn't understand how this could have happened, he had seemed alright. A little battered, but alright. Cisco squeezed his eyes shut and hung his head.

"He's gone," Caitlin repeated solemnly.

Cisco went rigid, her voice pulling him back to reality. There was something about the tone...the edge, he had heard it before. The breacher whirled around, his eyes landing on Caitlin's distant form. She knelt above Barry, sobs shaking her shoulders. Cisco watched as she reached down and took Barry's limp, blood-stained hand. The scene sent a sharp pang through him.

That was when he saw it. Slowly, snowflakes began to fall from the overcast sky. Had it not been June, he wouldn't have thought anything of it.

It had been over 2 years since Caitlin had lost her powers, and no matter what they tried they had never been able to bring Killer Frost back. However, there was no denying it as streaks of platinum began to race across the doctor's auburn hair.

Caitlin suddenly straightened, staring down at the wispy frost emanating from her hands. A thousand emotions ghosted across her features before finally settling on one. Rage. Caitlin got up, her legs wobbling a bit at first. The frost began to swirl around her, the last bit of color fading from her hair until only white remained. Then she grit her teeth and clenched her fists, tears gleaning brightly in her eyes. She had embraced the change, welcomed the ice.

If past experience had taught Cisco anything, he knew what came next.

"Get down," Vibe yelled, diving behind a large slab of concrete. Oliver was shocked at first, but he followed suit. An instant later, everything in sight was engulfed in an explosion of ice. The sheer force of the blast was jarring, For several moments Cisco simply remained still. He listened as glass shattered and buildings creaked and groaned, the cold steadily spreading through them.

Eventually, the mist began to settle, leaving the two heroes coated in frost, but otherwise fine. Oliver got up first, helping Cisco to his feet. The snow was now falling at an alarming rate. That was when Killer Frost emerged from what remained of the white haze. She was different then Cisco remembered...scarier, if that were possible.

For starters, she was covered in a layer of ice, an armor of sorts. Her skin was as pale as the snowflakes that surrounded her, and her otherwise soft features held a kind of harshness the breacher had never seen before. Shards of ice adorned her hair, forming a wicked-looking crown atop her head.

"The ones that did this," Killer Frost questioned, her voice as cold as it was sharp, "where are they?"

"Caitlin..." Cisco began, uneasiness in his tone. "Don't do this. This isn't what Barry would've wanted."

"Barry's not here," she spoke through clenched teeth, her voice breaking ever so slightly.

It was the first time Cisco had gotten a good look at her face. Frozen tear tracks trailed down her cheeks, her eyes full of sorrow and fury. He wasn't just looking at the harshness of Killer Frost, or the brokenness of Caitlin Snow. He was looking at the both of them merged together, united in agreement.

"Where are they?" She spoke once more, resolve in her words.

"Less then a block from here," Oliver stated. "The others are holding the line for now, but they won't be able to forever. We need to get back," he informed, readying his bow.

Killer Frost nodded wordlessly, long, sword-like icicles forming in her hands. She walked past the two heroes, ice spreading beneath her with every step. A cold wind swept over the area, chilling Cisco to the bone.

He didn't need to use his abilities to know what was coming. He could see it in her eyes, feel it in the fury rolling off of her in waves. She was about to live up to her name. There was no stopping her at this point, just making sure everyone stayed out of the way.

Cisco turned, giving Barry's fallen form one last, tearful glance. They couldn't save him, but they could protect the city. They could avenge him. The Vibe drew in a deep breath and did the only thing he could at this point. He kept going. They would stop the invaders, he would have his time to mourn. They all would.

Cisco just hoped he wouldn't lose his other best friend in the process. He hoped that one day she would be able to emerge from the icy armor she had encased herself in.


	19. Blackest Day

_Song: The Blackest Day, by Lana Del Rey._

 _ **Description: Three times Killer Frost dealt with grief.**_

 **Hi all! So I've had an idea for a while but never really did anything with it. But I suddenly got inspiration when I heard this song.**

 **Hints of Flashfrost, but it's mostly implied Savifrost.**

 **TRIGGER WARNING: Brief suicidal themes but nothing too graphic.**

...

Killer Frost exhaled slowly, her breath a cold mist. Her feet dangled idly over the building's edge, regardless of the drop below. She stared out at the city lights that painted the black canvas of night. She watched as the cars raced along the roads and the people crossed the streets. The city moved and flowed with the same pace it always had. The people lived on, unaware that it had almost ended. Unaware of what had transpired just nights before.

Those that did know...didn't care. Those that knew were celebrating, breathing a sigh of relief. Because nobody cared that a broken and lost time-remnant was dead. Nobody cared that they had killed a Barry Allen that was just as real as the original. Nobody except her.

And in the end nobody cared that she cared, it didn't matter that his death had caused her pain. Not to them anyway. No one has sympathy for the bad guys. All they cared about was the fact that _they_ won, _they_ got to keep their future. _Everyone else be damned._

Killer Frost took another swig of her drink, draining the liquid from the bottle. Truthfully, she wasn't even sure how well the stuff worked on her, but at this point, she was willing to try anything to numb her mind. To numb the pain. Frost leaned forward a bit, letting the neck of the bottle hang loosely between her fingers. She swung it back and forth for several moments, before finally letting it go. The smooth glass slipped through her fingers, shattering on the pavement below.

It then occurred to her, that she had never quite felt so alone. She had no family that wanted her, no friends that would except or forgive her. The only person that had ever understood her, or her pain, was gone. Murdered by the very person he had sought to kill. Now it was just her, left to deal with it alone.

She spared a glance at the shattered bottle on the street, gauging the distance. Then she stood, balancing on the thin concrete ledge that separated her from the drop below. Frost began to walk along it, not caring when her balance faltered. She had been hoping she was buzzed enough to slip, but she was even denied that.

The truth was, she wanted it. She wanted to fall, to just end it. And she knew Caitlin wanted it too. They had both lost everything, lost everyone she ever loved. She had even lost Barry to the Speed Force. Now it was just her.

So she walked along the edge a little more, slowly putting her heel in front of her toe with every step. Then abruptly, she spun on her foot and turned her back to the edge. She closed her eyes for a moment, letting her weight tip backward. The initial feeling of falling sent a wave of adrenaline through her, but it quickly faded. The air softly rushed past her ears as she fell.

She opened her eyes, vision partially obscured by her windblown hair. She watched as the sky got more distant and stories flew past, all the while her body remained relaxed. She breathed out a slow breath, wondering everything all at once. Wondering if it would hurt, wondering if she'd ever see him again. Wondering if the ache in her chest would ever cease. She was getting close now, closer to the bottom...closer to oblivion.

Then at the very last moment, Killer Frost twisted herself and positioned her hands. She shot out two powerful blasts of ice, one to create her path and one to drive herself forward. She put more and more distance between herself and the ground, not really caring what direction she was going or how high she went.

She didn't know what had stopped her, what had changed her mind. But she hadn't gone through with it, and she saw no reason in attempting again.

Very well, then. If she couldn't end herself, then she could at least find a little trouble to get into.

...

Killer Frost watched as Amunet's features contorted with fury and rage.

"You and I could've been gods," she spat, venom in her tone.

Frost was taken aback for an instant, though she didn't show it.

Amunet's words had brought everything rushing back, if only for a moment. Everything she had been trying to put behind her over the past several months. It came in flashes and fragments of memory. A streak of blue here, and a scared face there. A gaze as hard as steel, but a kiss as soft as snow.

He had promised her everything. Power, acceptance... _his love_. Sure, she had understood that on some level, his intentions were flawed and just a little bit crazy. She didn't care though. She would've done anything for him, because he would've done the same for her. Because he was the only version of Barry Allen that ever loved her. The only version that cared enough to accept her, with all the dark and cold corners of her mind.

Now he was gone, and he wasn't coming back. Not ever.

"I used to work with a god," Frost answered, slipping back into her casual facade. "Over it."

That was a lie.

...

Barry was running, as he always seemed to be. Red tendrils of lightning snaking around him as he moved, eyes in search of that unmistakable shade of platinum.

He seemed to be doing this a lot lately, when Cisco wasn't, that is. It had been like this ever since the whole mess with Earth-X. Killer Frost had been helping them, fighting alongside them. But as soon as the battle was done, she would disappear. Occasionally, she would turn up again on her own, but more often than not they would have to go find her. Most of the time they found her engaged in a fight of some kind.

The worst part was she seemed to be avoiding him in general. She hadn't spoken two words to Barry in the past several weeks. Whenever he entered the room, she always seemed to leave it. It was as troubling as it was confusing. He just didn't know what he had done to make her give him the cold shoulder. (No pun intended.)

Barry could usually tell what Caitlin was thinking, but Killer Frost was a whole other story.

The speedster briefly came to a halt, realizing it had begun to snow. She was close. He broke into a run once more, canvassing the entire area. All the while, he couldn't help think it was an odd place for her to be. He usually found her at bars or clubs, not parks.

Eventually, he did find her. She was sitting on a park bench, quietly watching the snow. The area was dark, illuminated only by the soft glow of a street lamp. Even in the low light, Barry had a clear view of her features. He felt his heart clench, a strange feeling surfacing within him.

Killer Frost wore the saddest look he had ever seen on her, frozen tears streaking does her cheeks. Suddenly, Barry became very uncomfortable. It was like he was seeing something he shouldn't be, something personal.

He was still using his speed, but it was too late to try and leave now. Even if he did, she would still know he had been there. So instead, he opted to move.

Barry skidded to a stop behind her, being sure to make plenty of noise. She immediately went rigid, turning her head slightly. Slowly, he walked around in front of her, taking more time than needed. By the time he got there, the tears were gone and her expression was replaced with that of annoyance.

"What do you want, Flash," she questioned dryly, her arm stretched across the back of the bench.

"It's getting pretty late," Barry replied, "Cisco sent me to check on you."

"I don't need a babysitter," she retorted harshly, rising to her feet. "Now run on home. I'm sure your wife is getting lonely."

Killer Frost began to walk, attempting to brush past him. But Barry caught her arm, holding it gently but firmly. "Not until you go home. Or at least back to the lab."

She turned her head to look at him, an unreadable expression on her face. The light from the lamp seemed to catch her eyes just right, making them glow that much more.

"I hate you some days, Flash," her voice echoed through the still night, snow falling between them.

"Yeah, I know it," he replied, more humor in his voice than anything. Barry had learned not to take her jabs personally.

"What's it tonight?" He continued, willing to test his limits. "Is it because I'm trying to look out for you, trying to help you? Because—"

"Because you _look like_ _him_ ," she cut him off, her eyes holding more intensity and sorrow then Barry thought possible. "But you are _nothing_ alike."

In one smooth motion, she tore her arm from his grasp and kept walking. Less than five seconds later she was gone, leaving nothing but a platform of ice in her wake.

All Barry could do was stand there for a moment, taken back. Reality had hit him with all the force of a hurricane, it all began to click into place now. The avoidance, the tears.

He hadn't realized...had never thought about it until that moment. But he supposed he really should've, he was a CSI for crying out loud, and he was raised by a detective. He should've put the pieces together.

Barry was left jarred and dumbstruck, unsure of how he felt. A part of him did feel bad though, guilty even. Because he understood what it was like, he had struggled through it with Jay for the longest time. Finally, Barry came back to himself, realizing how long he'd been standing there.

He sped away, his perception and his reality now altered forever.


	20. No More Secrets

Description: Barry and Caitlin have a much-needed conversation. They end up coming to an agreement.

Set during 'Death of the Vibe.'

...

Caitlin's heart was pounding in her chest, a familiar adrenaline coursing through her veins. Needless to say, her state of mind was a stark contrast to the quiet and empty lab that surrounded her. Her hands shook slightly as she wrote down the final words of the message meant only for her.

Caitlin come find me; the words read. It wasn't just a message, it was hope. The doctor let out a heavy exhale, a myriad of emotions hitting her at once. She wanted to cry and scream and shout for joy. She wanted to get up and pace the room, or stay up all night until she found the answers she was looking for.

However, Caitlin's thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. It was soft and unassuming, but it was still enough to startle the doctor in her current agitated state. She jumped at the sudden noise, eyes darting to the door in an instant.

"Hey, I was just wondering..." Barry began, only to trail off once he caught sight of her expression.

"Is everything okay?" He questioned, his posture stiffening and his eyes filling with worry.

"Everything's fine," Caitlin assured softly, her racing heart beginning to slow. "You just startled me, that's all."

Barry nodded slowly and carefully, moving farther inside the room.

"What are you working on?" He inquired curiously, walking up beside her.

"It's just something kind of personal," Caitlin admitted curtly, already starting to fold up her notes.

Barry nodded once more, a heavy silence blanketing the room. She stood from her seat and began to gather up all the papers in a neat stack. Barry seemed to shift on his feet awkwardly, unsure of how to continue. Which was fine with Caitlin, he had his own issues and problems to deal with, she didn't need to drag him into her own. Caitlin moved to walk away, but Barry's voice halted her.

"Cait, are you sure you're okay," he spoke up, an unreadable tinge to his voice.

"Of course," Caitlin replied as she turned back. "Why wouldn't I be," she added a shrug for emphasis.

"Because the last time you went to see your mother it was because you were developing powers," Barry answered, running a hand over the back of his neck.

She understood now.

"I can assure you," Caitlin began tightly, her voice coming out harder than she meant it to, "it has nothing to do with Killer Frost."

Caitlin took a brisk step to walk away, a bit hurt. Some days it was hard not to feel like she was wanted only for her skills or abilities.

"No, that's not what I meant," Barry moved forward as she moved away, his tone almost pleading.

Caitlin stopped, but Barry didn't until he was standing firmly in front of her.

"My point is," he started, ducking his head to catch her gaze, "the last time you went to see your mom it was because you were dealing with something that nobody else knew about."

"I just don't want to make the same mistakes again," he admitted, briefly casting his eyes to the floor. "You're my friend, you can talk to me."

Caitlin's eyes softened a bit, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"Thank you," she began quietly, "but you already have your own problems to worry about. It's alright, really," she spoke, reaching out and giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

She again tried to leave, but Barry caught her hand before she could move it, holding on gently but firmly.

"Caitlin," was his only reply, his tone and his eyes speaking volumes more.

They stood there in silence for several moments, trying to read each other's expression.

"Please," Barry eventually spoke, his words barely audible. "Please, let me in."

Caitlin considered it for several moments, frantically trying to repair her walls or muster her facade. But in the end, she knew it was no use with him. It never had been. She drew in a deep sigh, relenting wordlessly. Caitlin's hand slipped from Barry's grasp and she walked back over to the table, setting the papers down.

"It's about my dad," she informed, laying the periodic table and the death certificate bare for him to see. "I think he might still be alive."

"What," Barry nearly blurted, surprise evident on his features. "How?"

"Ralph found...an anomaly on his death certificate," she explained, gesturing to the document. "Then Cisco vibed it for me. It's a fake, my mother forged it."

Barry listened quietly and intently.

"So I went to go ask her about it. Of course, she wouldn't tell me anything. But I did find this," Caitlin continued, unfolding the piece of paper. "He was trying to send me a message."

"Wow," Barry breathed out, still a little shocked, "this is...this is huge."

Caitlin smiled slightly, grateful that there was someone that shared her reaction and feelings. The speedster stayed still for several moments, staring down at the evidence in front of him.

"Caitlin," he began, turning towards her with a strange intensity in his eyes, "I promise you, we will find him."

"Not we," Caitlin corrected slowly, her words holding no bite, "me."

"But I can help you with this," Barry argued. "I'm a Forensic Scientist, I work missing person's cases all the time."

"I know, Barry, and you're amazing at what you do," Caitlin replied in a low tone. "But this is exactly what I was trying to avoid."

Barry opened his mouth to object, but Caitlin cut him off.

"Look, you have enough on your plate," she countered firmly, though not unkindly. "Between Cicada and your untrained, speedster daughter from the future, you have your own problems. You don't need mine on top of that."

"Just because I have my own problems doesn't mean I don't have time for anything else," Barry defended, taking a step closer.

"They're your family," she stated. "They're priority."

"So are you," Barry declared as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Caitlin was a bit taken aback, but he barreled on.

"Without you and Cisco I wouldn't even be here," he continued, "and quite frankly I wouldn't want to be. You two are my best friends. And what's the point of being a hero, what's the point of any of this, if I can't help my friends when they need me?"

Caitlin didn't speak, unsure of how to reply. He was quiet too, drawing in a thoughtful sigh.

"I know there have been times when I haven't been the best," Barry stated, staring at the floor. "Times when you guys needed me most, and I wasn't there."

"But I'm done being that person," Barry glanced up, his eyes meeting hers.

"So please, just let me help you," he made one last, low plea.

Caitlin regarded his words, a feeling of warmth spreading through her chest. "Okay," she whispered. "Okay. We'll find him. Together."

Barry beamed. "Together."

Caitlin glanced down at the papers on the table, a spark of hope igniting in her heart.

"Can we make a deal," Barry eventually suggested.

She looked back up at him curiously. "Okay," Caitlin agreed, though apprehensively.

"No more secrets between us, between any of us?" Barry stated, "we're a team, we're a family, and they always just end up tearing us apart."

"Alright. No more secrets," Caitlin promised, offering her hand for him to shake. Barry did so, echoing the promise.

Caitlin took a fortifying breath, bracing herself for what she was about to say. "In honor of this new agreement, I have something else I need to tell you."

Barry seemed a little surprised, but he nodded nonetheless. Caitlin took a seat at the table and Barry followed suit, pulling up a chair so that he could face her.

"Do you remember when we were training for flash-time, and I got distracted?" Caitlin asked, shifting uncomfortably.

"Yeah, you almost got hurt. I couldn't forget it," he confessed.

"Well, it was because I had this...memory," she informed, using her hands to help convey her meaning. "It was just fragments, so I asked Cisco to vibe it for me."

"What did you see?" Barry inquired, sensing her hesitation.

"I saw myself as a little girl," Caitlin continued, pausing for a moment, "turning into Killer Frost."

"Caitlin...that was weeks ago," Barry said quietly, "why didn't you tell me?"

"I know, I know," she answered, her words rushed and a bit guilty. "I was going to at the party. But then everything with Nora came up and then Cicada and I just...I figured I would be bothering you."

"You could never bother me, Caitlin," Barry informed, reaching across the table to grip her hand. "And I'm sorry if I ever made you think that you could. You're important to me. Your problems are my problems too."

"Okay?" Barry offered, trying to catch her gaze.

Caitlin nodded in understanding, her vision becoming a bit misty. Barry leaned forward in his chair and pulled her into a hug. They sat there for a beat, holding tightly to each other.

"So this means," Barry spoke as they pulled away.

"I had powers long before the Particle Accelerator," she confirmed.

"How...how is that possible?" Barry breathed out.

"I don't know, but I can't help but feel like maybe this is all connected," Caitlin admitted, eyes flickering to the papers on the table.

"You're a mystery, Caitlin Snow," Barry announced, "but luckily, I can be a bit of a detective myself," he added with a teasing wink.

Caitlin only laughed and shook her head. For the first time in a long time, everything felt right.


	21. A Price Too High

_**Description**_ : _Alternate ending to 2x23._

 _ **Prompt: Snowbarry Week, Day 3: Scene stealer (an AU of your fave scene of *anything*)**_

 **Hello. So this is my contribution to Snowbarry week. I've always wanted to write an AU where Caitlin was the one that went to talk to Barry on the porch instead (right before he created Flashpoint). Because I honestly think if she had, the results would've been dramatically different.**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys like it. Thank you for reading! :D**

...

Everything was quiet and still, so very, hauntingly quiet. There was no laughter, no chatter, nor distant hum of busy traffic. It was just _silent_.

Barry supposed it made sense, they were all trying to recover from Zoom, even the city. Some needed to recover more than others, and some wouldn't recover at all because they were gone, never to return to this world. It felt as if there was no life, no _vibrancy_. There was only deathly silence and the pale glow the street lamps cast on the front porch steps.

Barry leaned his head against the banister, drawing in a few shaky breaths. He knew he should be inside with the others, celebrating or whatever he was supposed to do at this point. They had won, they had finally stopped Zoom. But it didn't feel like a victory, not to him anyway. In the end, he had only succeeded in losing more than he ever thought possible. Barry squeezed his eyes shut, gripping the railing tightly.

He wasn't sure how long he stayed like that, but when he next opened them it was to the faint sound of a knock. For a moment, his shoulders tensed and his jaws involuntarily clenched. He didn't have the energy to talk to anyone, not now, not after everything. He was practically running on empty as it was.

But the speedster glanced behind him nonetheless, his eyes falling on a familiar face. Caitlin stood in the doorway, her knuckles still resting against the doorframe. Barry felt himself relax just a bit; if anyone would understand his current state, it would be her. One, because she had always been intuitive like that, and two, because she wore the same brand of exhaustion he did. Zoom had left as many scars on her as he had on Barry.

"Hey," she spoke up, her soft voice a welcomed relief from the quiet.

"Hey," he echoed, his words feeling raw.

"May I?" She inquired, gesturing to the open space on the stairs beside him.

Barry nodded wordlessly, shifting himself to better face the spot where she would be situated. Caitlin moved forward and took a seat, crossing her legs beneath her.

They sat quietly at first, words hanging unspoken in the air. Words like 'are you okay' and 'what can I do' were just on the tip of Caitlin's tongue. He could see it in her eyes and on her face. But despite that, he suspected she already knew the answer to both questions, which was why she hadn't said anything yet. She knew that he wasn't okay and that there wasn't much that anyone could do about it. Well, not without super speed, anyway.

So she seemed to settle for simply being _there_ , in any way she could. For trusting that if he wanted to talk, he would. She wasn't going to push him, and for that he was grateful. Barry drew in another quiet deep breath, feeling the weight of all the loss strain against his already fractured soul.

"I can't stop thinking about him," Barry admitted, his voice almost a whisper. "My dad's doppelgänger."

Caitlin turned her gaze to him, an understanding in her eyes.

"You'd think knowing he was out there would help," he continued, his vision beginning to get misty, "but it doesn't. It just makes me miss him more."

Caitlin nodded and swallowed thickly, taking a moment to collect her words. "After my dad passed, sometimes even looking at pictures of him was hard," she confided, "I can't imagine..." the doctor trailed off.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through all this," Caitlin spoke, tears of her own starting to form. "You don't deserve this."

Caitlin briefly cast her gaze downward, collecting herself. He watched as the light from the lamps danced across her features, and a few loose strands of hair fell in front of her eyes. He wanted to tell her everything that was going through his head, what he was planning to do. He wanted to ask for advice, or maybe he wanted her to talk him out of it (or into it.) The truth was, he didn't know. His brain was a jumbled mess of trauma and grief, and he suspected he was going to end up doing something very stupid if he didn't talk to someone soon.

"Do you ever wish you could change it," Barry spoke abruptly, catching her attention. "Do you ever wish you could go back and save the people you lost," he clarified, leaning forward slightly.

"All the time," she admitted, "I think everyone does."

"What if you actually could?"

Barry watched as her mind clicked all the pieces together, and realization dawned in her eyes. He held his breath as he waited for her answer. She paused, taking a moment to consider her next words.

"I don't know what I'd do," she eventually spoke, calmly and carefully, "I know I would want to. I'd want to so badly."

"But," Caitlin added, sitting up a bit straighter. "I hope that before I did, I'd stop and think. I'd think about all the people in my life; my friends, the family I still had. I'd think about the people I loved, and what my choice might do to them."

There was a strange sadness to her demeanor.

"I'd make sure that I didn't lose the family I had by chasing after the one I wanted," she informed, her voice breaking ever so slightly.

Barry nodded slowly, gripping the edge of the stairs like it was a lifeline. He had thought about it, and at first, it seemed like his grief had outweighed those thoughts. However, her words brought them to the forefront of his mind, and he found he wasn't so sure anymore.

"But ultimately, it's still your choice," Caitlin stated, briefly pressing her lips together to try and hold back the onslaught emotions that fought their way to the surface. "Whatever you decide, I will understand. I just want you to be happy, Barry. You deserve to be happy."

Barry looked back up, his eyes meeting hers again. He wondered what he had ever done to deserve her friendship or the kind of unconditional love she had for him. It was at that moment, he realized he couldn't do it. He couldn't go back and change the past, not if it meant that he might lose what he had in the here and now. He couldn't lose _her._ He couldn't lose Cisco or Joe or any of the others in his life. He couldn't, no matter how much he wanted his parents back. It could end up costing him so much more.

"It just...it hurts," Barry choked out, a stray tear streaking down his cheek. "It hurts and I just want the pain to stop."

Caitlin reached forward and took his hand, her fingers curling tightly around his. "I know," she whispered softly, "I know."

She then wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close. He felt the hot sting of more tears in his eyes and tightness of sobs in his throat. In the end, he just cried, and she held onto him tightly, gently running her fingers through his hair.

They stayed like that for quite some time, and she didn't say a word. She never once complained about the awkward position, nor did she make a comment about how wet her shirt got from the tears. She simply hugged him and allowed him to grieve.

Eventually, they separated, Barry wiping the tears from his now red and puffy eyes. After a while, he glanced through the windows, taking note that the others had begun to gravitate towards the dinner table.

"I don't think I can go back in there," Barry admitted, his voice a bit horse.

"Then don't. I'm sure they'll understand," Caitlin replied, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Maybe you could go for a walk instead," the doctor suggested. "Just a walk, take a breath, clear your head?

Barry nodded, realizing that it sounded a lot better than the alternative. He was a bit better now, but he was still hanging by a thread. He needed space. The speedster pushed himself up off the steps, his muscles stiff from how long he had been sitting there. Barry only took a few steps before he turned back.

"Will you come with me?" He inquired, an unsure note to his tone.

He found he was in a strange in-between now; he wanted to be alone, yet he didn't. And Caitlin had always seemed to walk that line with grace. Even when Barry didn't want to see anybody else, he still wanted to see her.

"Besides, after everything, you could use a break too," he added, a smile ghosting across his lips.

"I'm alright," she assured, and it seemed to at least be a partial truth. "But a walk does sound nice. Thank you," she agreed, cracking a smile that mirrored his own.

Caitlin stood up as well, moving to stand next to him. Then Barry did something that he wouldn't have normally considered, but he did today. Today they were both tired and broken and in desperate need of the love and support that only the other could offer. Barry offered Caitlin his hand, and she took it without a second thought. After that the pair walked away together, slowly making their way down the empty streets.

They had both been broken by Zoom and broken by life. But maybe, just maybe, they could be the ones to piece each other back together.


	22. See Me

_**Description**_ : _Missing/AU scene from part 1 of Elseworlds._

...

Everything was wrong, completely and totally wrong.

Barry would've liked to have been able to say that his day had at least started out normal, but it hadn't. He had gone to bed as Barry Allen the previous day and had awoken to the next as Oliver Queen. Well, at least to the rest of the world, anyway. He (and the real Oliver) still knew who he was, but nobody else did and that included his team.

Barry leaned heavily against one of the surfaces in the lab, rubbing his eyes and face in frustration. The others had dispersed a few minutes prior and Oliver had followed not long after, with the intent of trying to talk to Iris.

Truthfully, the whole situation was bothering him a lot more than he liked to admit. It wasn't like Barry hadn't dealt with the impossible before, he was just used to doing it with his friends by his side. But now they didn't even know him as the person he was, and they didn't believe him either.

Barry's thoughts were suddenly broken by the faint click of heels, his gaze immediately darting to the door. That seemed to be a bit of a side effect of his newfound skills, he found himself hearing and noticing things he hadn't before. The hitch of a breath, the crack of a joint, or even a change in a person's voice seemed to be enough to set off alarm bells in Barry's mind. Caitlin came into view a moment later, and Barry felt some of the previous adrenaline melt away. The doctor walked in slowly and calmly, now adorned in her white lab coat.

"Hey, do you mind if I run a few more tests," Caitlin inquired, an apprehension in her words. "I'd just like to take a DNA sample."

"Of course, anything you want," Barry assured, trying to make his own tone seem as open and relaxed as possible.

Caitlin nodded and began to move about the lab, collecting the supplies needed. There was a stiffness to her demeanor though, something about it left an odd twist in Barry's stomach. Maybe it was the way she seemed so unsure when she spoke, or the way she gave him such a wide berth as she moved around him.

She seemed calm, but not exactly comfortable, not like she usually was with him. Barry kinda hated it. She was as kind and courteous as always, but her guard was up in a way it had never been with him. Because to her, he was a friend and a guest at S.T.A.R. Labs. But he wasn't _Barry_ , he wasn't her Barry.

The former speedster had been gifted (or rather cursed) with a perspective he had never had before. An outside one. Caitlin had never really had to ask him if she wanted to run a test, and she knew that. Even when he had been a comatose stranger, she hadn't even hesitated to ask for a urine sample. His health and his well being had just always been something _she_ had taken care of, and Barry always found a strange comfort in that. But now it wasn't and it bothered him a lot more than it probably should've.

Caitlin soon approached him, slipping on her medical gloves and producing a cotton swab. Barry opened his mouth before she even had to say a word and the doctor quickly and efficiently swabbed the inside of his cheek. After that, she put it in a sterile tube and discarded her gloves. Caitlin slipped the sample safely in her pocket and gave him a quick 'thank you,' before heading for the door.

Barry would've been lying if he said he didn't feel his heart sink a little. He wanted to talk to her, he wanted her to help him make sense of the whole thing, to find out what had happened. He wasn't even sure he could do it without her help.

"You don't believe me, do you?" Barry spoke up, causing her to turn back.

The beat of silence that followed gave him the answer.

"I believe that you believe what you're telling us," she finally replied, not unkindly.

Barry let out a barely audible huff, his shoulders slumping slightly.

"But you have to understand," Caitlin continued, gravitating back towards him, "it would be like someone trying to tell you that the moon was actually the sun. I've known Barry for years, he's my friend. And having someone try and tell me that he's actually somebody else...it's just difficult for me to wrap my head around," she reasoned.

"But, I am a scientist. I can't rule anything out yet," Caitlin added, almost reassuringly. "I'm going to run your DNA against some samples we already have."

Barry nodded wordlessly, feeling a bit defeated. Caitlin gave him a pat on the shoulder and once again began to walk away.

He knew there was no physical evidence that would back up his claim, and the DNA results would be no different. The whole of reality had been altered around him, leaving behind no traces. Barry once again ran a hand over his face, feeling the tension collect in his shoulders and neck. He exhaled slowly and resolved to go find Oliver. However, his intentions were cut short by a single thought flickering through his mind. Barry felt a tiny spark of hope ignite within him.

There was no evidence, but there were still memories. And he knew of a memory in particular that really only Barry Allen and Caitlin Snow had shared. It would work, it had too. He quickly stood up straighter, moving forward a little as she moved away.

" _Summer lovin', had me a blast_ ," Barry sang, his voice low but audible.

Caitlin stopped in her tracks, suddenly going rigid. Barry tried in vain to stop the smirk that crept onto his features.

"What did you just say?" Caitlin said in a low tone, slowly turning back towards him.

"Well, I could continue, but as I recall, you make a much better Sandy" Barry replied, a teasing note to his tone.

Caitlin's eyes went wide at that.

"How?" She breathed out, bewildered and somewhat flustered. "How do you know about that," she questioned, firmly pointing a finger at him.

"Because I was there," Barry replied, taking a step towards her. "I was there when you got drunk and we sang a duet of Summer Nights."

"I was there when you threw up in the parking lot, and I was there when you asked me to stay with you until you fell asleep. Actually...you might not remember that," Barry backtracked, "you were pretty out of it..."

"I remember," she cut him off, visibly cringing, "I just wish I didn't."

"The point is, I have been here since day one," Barry continued, a sincerity in his eyes. "I was there every time you patched me up and told me everything was going to be okay. I was there when you lost Ronnie, and I was there when..." his voice faltered for a moment. "I was there when Zoom took you, and when you got your powers. All of it."

"It's me, Caitlin," Barry whispered, catching her gaze.

After that, he reached down and took her hand in both of his. She was apprehensive at first, but she allowed it.

"Just take a moment and close your eyes. Forget about everything else," he spoke softly, brushing his thumb against her knuckles.

Caitlin gave him a look, but she complied, taking a deep breath and allowing her eyes to flutter closed.

"Forget who you think I am, forget about what everybody else says. Forget all of it. Don't even think about any of it. Just... _see me_ ," he whispered, a hint of desperation in his words. "Please, Cait. See me."

After a few moments, she opened her eyes again. Then she looked at him, _really_ looked at him, her gaze holding a familiar spark.

"Okay," she eventually spoke. "I believe you," Caitlin answered softly.

Barry let out a relieved breath, pulling her into a hug before he realized what he was doing. To his surprise, she hugged him back just as warmly as he always remembered.

"Now we just have to convince the others," she said as they pulled away.

"I think I have a few ideas for Cisco," Barry admitted as the two began to walk together, turning down the winding halls. "It involves movie quotes."

"That will work," Caitlin only smiled and shook her head.

They were both quiet for a while after that, the only sound being the echo of their footsteps.

"So, hey," Barry eventually spoke up, his voice a decibel too high for his liking, "do you really remember everything about _that night_?"

Caitlin paused in her steps, drawing in a fortifying breath. "Yes," she replied with a forced calm.

"Yeah, but I mean _everything_ ," he continued, feeling as if he was digging his own grave. "I mean the dress and the comment about your..." Barry swallowed thickly, gesturing vaguely to her... _goods_.

"YES," Caitlin answered a bit louder and more sheepishly, hints of red creeping onto her cheeks. "I didn't tell you because I was trying to spare us both some embarrassment," she added, crossing her arms over her chest.

Barry nodded rather vehemently, not quite trusting his voice at that moment.

"But now that it's out in the open, I want to make one thing perfectly clear," Caitlin began, a threat evident in her tone, "we never, _ever_ speak of it again."

"Okay," Barry answered, unsure of whether to be amused or fearful.

Caitlin nodded in satisfaction and the two continued their walk in silence. However, it was broken only a few moments later as Barry took a chance and began to hum the tune of 'Summer Nights.'

"Don't you dare," she warned, a dangerous blue glint in her eyes.

Barry let out a genuine laugh, enjoying her reaction far too much for his own good.


	23. What Might Have Been

_**Description:**_ _For but a moment, Caitlin allows her mind to drift to what might have been. Set post-season 5._

 **Nobody asked for angst but here we are. All aboard the pain train. Woot Woot!**

...

The apartment was quiet, deafeningly so. Caitlin Snow was used to the quiet, she often found peace in it. But not today, today it was suffocating. It wasn't just quiet anymore, it was empty, much like her life seemed to be these days. In the span of a month, Caitlin had watched those who were closest to her slowly filter out of her life.

First, it was her dad, she had gained him, only to lose him for the second time in her life. Her mother followed suit. Caitlin had thought that the whole experience had brought the two of them closer together, but after a while, she stopped returning her calls.

Cisco came next, more or less. Though, Caitlin had to remind herself that she hadn't lost him. He just had a life outside S.T.A.R. Labs and metahumans now. He had another job, a girlfriend, and a chance at normality. Caitlin didn't want to ruin it for him, didn't want to pull him back into a life he had seemed so eager to be free from.

It had been almost three weeks to the day since Nora had vanished. Some days it felt like she took Barry and Iris with her. Iris stopped showing up at the lab after week one, and Barry began to keep his distance not long after. He still came when there was a meta, of course, but after the job was done he would be gone just as quickly. Sherloque had left too, and it seemed even Ralph's life had pulled him in a different direction.

Most days, it was just her at the lab, and most evenings it was just her alone in her apartment. Solitude seemed to be her new background music. She still had Killer Frost, of course, but even she had been uncharacteristically quiet lately.

Caitlin drew in a deep breath and closed the book she had been trying to focus on for the past twenty minutes. She had been attempting to distract herself from it all, but some days it was harder than others. Some days all she could focus on was the absence. Other days, her thoughts ran rampant and it was all she could do to keep the crushing grief at bay.

Caitlin stood up from where she had been seated and set her book down, picking up her phone instead. After that, she plopped down on the couch and folded her legs beneath her, her fingers beginning to scroll through her contacts. She needed to talk to someone, she needed a voice to fill the silence.

Caitlin scrolled up and down for several minutes, but never once hit the call button. In the end, she found herself simply staring blankly at her phone screen, unsure of where she stood with any of the people that had once meant so much to her. After a moment, her eyes came back into focus and a certain name caught her eye.

 _Barry Allen._

Caitlin considered it for a moment, her finger hovering over the contact. However, she quickly dismissed the thought; he had his own grief and problems to deal with, he didn't need hers as well. Caitlin was about to close her phone when something halted her.

 _"Call him_ ," an ice-cold voice echoed through her mind.

"No," Caitlin only shook her head. "I'm sure he's busy."

" _You and I both know that's just an excuse_ ," she answered. " _Just call him. You always feel better after you talk to him. We both do."_

Caitlin stared at the name for a few moments more, weighing her options.

" _Do it, or I'll do it for us_ ," Frost prompted, almost playfully.

"Fine, fine," Caitlin muttered, slamming her finger down on the call button before she lost her nerve.

She brought the phone up to her ear, her heart rate quickening slightly. The line rang twice before it was picked up, a familiar voice filling her ears.

"Hey," Barry's voice crackled through the speaker. He seemed calm, almost happy. Caitlin felt a bit of relief wash over her.

"Hey," Caitlin echoed, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"Is everything alright?" He inquired, a sudden worry in his tone. "I didn't miss a meta alert did I?"

Caitlin felt a panic surface within her, followed by a pang of melancholy. The panic was because she realized she didn't really have a concrete reason to be calling, but the pang was because there had once been a time when she hadn't needed one.

"No, no, everything's fine," Caitlin shook her head, casting her gaze downward. "I just...I wanted to see how you were doing," she admitted.

"I'm good," he replied brightly, though there was a catch in his words. He was lying. She knew he was.

Caitlin had never wanted to facepalm so hard in that one moment. _Of course,_ he wasn't alright. He had just lost his daughter less than a month ago and the man that had repeatedly ruined his life had gotten away. Caitlin brought her hand up to cover her face, mentally kicking herself. How could she be so stupid?

"How have _you_ been?" Barry inquired after a few moments.

"I've been doing alright," she lied, hoping she did a better job at masking her words then he did.

"That's good," Barry said quietly, a softness to his voice.

There was silence for a beat.

"It's...uh...it's been a while," Barry spoke up, and Caitlin felt a spark of hope ignite within her.

"It has," she agreed. "Maybe we could do some catching up tomorrow? Get some drinks, like old times. Or see a movie?" She suggested hopefully, absently tugging at the hem of her sock.

"I...I wish I could," Barry replied, a hesitance to his words. "It's just tomorrow is family dinner night at Joe and Cecile's, and they're expecting me and Iris there."

Caitlin deflated instantly, her shoulders slumping. "Right, right. Sorry, I should've realized," she shook her head, keeping her voice as even as she could.

"If you want I could come over tonight though," Barry offered, perking up a bit.

"No, it's alright. It's getting pretty late anyway," she declined. Because what else was she going to do?

She couldn't very well ask him to come over at 10:00 at night just because she wanted a shoulder to lean on. Or because she missed how things used to be. Tonight, tomorrow, the next, a month, it didn't matter. Things between them would never be what they once were and Caitlin had been a fool to ever think otherwise. Barry had a wife and a family and a life far away from S.T.A.R. Labs, one that he had been more than happy to embrace in the past few years. A few simple drinks or a movie would not change anything. The reality was, he was no longer there for her in the way he used to be, and Caitlin would just have to learn to live with that.

"I'll see you..." Caitlin began, but trailed off. When exactly would she see him again? "Soon," she finished, doing her best to cram a smile into her tone.

The seconds that followed were quiet, the only sound over the line being their shallow breaths. In that moment, Caitlin allowed her mind to drift. Drift to what might have been.

...

When they first met, he had been a patient and nothing more. Another broken body for her to mend, and a new responsibility to factor into her daily routine. But somehow everything changed the moment he opened his eyes. Her entire life changed.

She had panicked, at first. Because what was she supposed to do when her comatose patient of six months sat up and started talking? She had practically attacked him with a flashlight and various other medical instruments, and even gone as far as to unceremoniously ask him for a urine sample. He probably should've been horrified of her after that. He wasn't.

Later that day, Caitlin found herself standing in front of him, prepping his suit to test his supposed 'super speed.' He looked at her as she did, _really_ looked at her, more then anybody had in a very long time.

"What?" Caitlin spoke, her voice coming out harsher then she meant it to.

"Nothing," Barry shook his head, unfazed. "I just noticed you don't smile too much."

Caitlin was a bit taken back. By now, most people were used to the mask she had adopted over the past six months. And those who weren't, didn't ask.

"My once-promising career as a bio-engineer is over. My boss is in a wheelchair for life. The explosion that put you in a coma also killed my fiancé," she listed off, her tone matter of fact. "So this blank expression kinda feels like the way to go."

Barry only nodded, and Caitlin hoped that her words would deter him from her in the future. It didn't.

By the end of the week, she caught herself smiling at him.

...

It took her a while to get used to this version of Barry Allen. The one that was awake and so full of _life_. He was clumsy and goofy and a tad bit reckless.

At first, he seemed like everything Caitlin wasn't. He was fast and impulsive, she was steady and cautious. He smiled a lot, she didn't. Barry was like an exploding dye pack of color, while Caitlin often felt she lived in shades of gray.

She was guarded at first, her walls as high as the towering stories of a Central City skyscraper. But gradually, they began to lower around him. Something about him put her at ease and temporarily soothed the ache in her soul. After she finally let him in, it didn't take her long to realize they were more alike than she ever could've imagined.

...

Caitlin hadn't known the awake version of Barry six months before he had gotten her to do something not even Ronnie had been able to do. He got her to loosen up and _have fun._ Though, at the price of a very bad hangover.

If asked, she would say she regretted it, but deep down, she didn't. Barry had brought out a side of her she hadn't known existed. A side of her that liked to sing, and dance, and had genuinely had a good time with him. For the first time since the Particle Accelerator exploded, she felt like maybe she could move on with her life. Like maybe she could be happy again. She told him as much as they stood in the hallway the next day.

"Time for me to move on, find someone new to be crazy about," she informed with a smile, hoping maybe he'd get the hint.

He smiled too, and they went their separate ways, promising to see each other in the morning. That night, Barry called her and asked if she'd like to get dinner sometime. She didn't even have to think twice about her answer.

...

Caitlin didn't know what she was doing or why, but she couldn't stop herself. She just felt so cold and angry, and words kept spilling from her mouth without her consent. The harder she tried to fight it, the more she seemed to spiral. Something dark and volatile had clawed its way to the surface of her mind, giving her icy powers to match.

 _Killer Frost._

She was going to be just like her double from Earth-2. She was going to hurt her friends and everyone around her. She was going to end up killing someone. She was going to become a monster.

"You're sick," Barry spoke from the other side of the glass.

 _A cell_. She was in a pipeline cell. That's where she was. They had locked her up, just like they did with all the other dangerous metas.

"I'm broken, Barry!" She all but screamed, her voice carrying a frigid undertone.

Barry paused for a moment, a sadness in his eyes. Slowly, he took a step forward, moving until he was just inches from the glass.

"Then let me help you pick up the pieces," he answered, his voice nearly a whisper.

Caitlin's breath hitched, and for a moment the raging storm in her mind ceased.

"Come back to me, Cait. Please," he spoke with tears in his eyes, placing his palm against the glass.

Caitlin nodded slowly, moving her own hand to mirror his. After that something in her broke, a wall cracked, a dam gave way. She felt tears begin to fill her eyes and a sob escaped her throat. She crumbled in on herself, her knees beginning to buckle. Before she hit the floor, Barry was in the cell with her, holding her tightly in his arms. Caitlin held him equally as tight, tears streaming down her features.

"I've got you," he whispered softly as she buried her face in his shoulder. "It's gonna be okay," he added.

For the first time since all this started, she genuinely believed it.

...

They had fought so hard to get to where they were now. So much pain and tragedy and disaster, but they were here and they were together.

Caitlin hadn't known if anything would ever be the same after Barry got out of the Speed Force. He was different, they both were. But gradually, they had adjusted. They had fallen back into rhythm, back into sync with one and other. Their relationship and their lives were finally starting to get back on track. Then DeVoe happened. He got Barry sent to prison for a murder he didn't commit.

It had been hard, the trial, the prosecution, watching all those who didn't understand systematically turn against Barry. Some days Caitlin wanted nothing more than to find DeVoe and put an icicle through him herself. Other days she simply wanted to break Barry out. But she didn't, staying there had been his choice, and Caitlin did her best to support him through it.

She and Cisco and the others had visited him whenever they could, and Caitlin had done everything in her power to make sure Barry's dietary and health requirements were met. It wasn't easy, but they made it work.

Then finally, two weeks ago they had caught a break. New evidence came to light, and the case was reopened. Barry was proven innocent.

Caitlin could hardly contain her smile as she, Cisco, and Joe stood at the prison gates, watching as the guards removed his cuffs. The final gate was opened soon after, and Barry walked free.

In the time it took the speedster to catch sight of her and smile, she was already in motion. She ran towards him and practically threw herself into his waiting arms. It was the first real hug she had had from him in months and Caitlin didn't ever want to let go. She held onto him for dear life, only breaking apart to bring her lips to his. After that, they continued to hug for several more moments, before eventually taking a step back.

As they did, a thought entered Caitlin's mind, one that would've seemed rash and hasty to her years ago. But not today. Today she had never been more sure of anything in her life.

"Marry me," the words came out before she could talk herself out of it.

"Will you marry me," similar words came out of Barry's mouth at the same time, much to Caitlin's surprise.

They both stared at the other in shock. Then they laughed, once again pulling each other into a firm embrace.

"Of course," Caitlin whispered, resting her forehead on his shoulder. "What about you?"

"Nothing would make me happier," he replied, leaning back just enough to plant a gentle kiss on her lips.

A moment later, the sound of Cisco and Joe clapping for them filled their ears. They both flushed in embarrassment.

...

When Caitlin opened her eyes, she was greeted by the sight of Barry's sleeping form. The world around her was quiet and still, soft morning light peeking through the bedroom curtains. She stifled a yawn and scooted closed to him, his arm snaking around her without a second thought.

"W'time is it?" Barry mumbled sleepily.

Caitlin gave the clock a side glance before snuggling closer to Barry's chest.

"Early," she replied softly. "We still have an hour or so before we have to be at the lab."

Barry gave a hum of acknowledgment before pulling the covers further over them, and again settling into the peace and quiet. However, that quiet was soon broken by a set of adorable (and very fast) twins.

...

"I'll see you soon," Barry eventually echoed, breaking Caitlin from her reverie.

It seemed so strange to her; she did not have the ability to access flashtime like Barry did, yet she could've sworn those few moments had lasted a lifetime.

"Goodnight, Barry," she spoke quietly, a sadness behind her words.

"Goodnight, Cait."

After that, she hung up the phone.


	24. What May Yet Be

_**Description:**_ _In the silence, Barry allows his mind to drift to what might have been...and what may yet be. Companion piece/sequel to 'What Might Have Been.'_

...

Three weeks; it had only been three weeks. If someone had told him that in less then a month he'd be sitting in an empty house with a discarded wedding ring, he wouldn't have believed them. But here he was. Three weeks since they had stopped Cicada. Three weeks since he had lost his only child. Three weeks since Thawne had won. Three weeks since Barry had started systematically distancing himself from everyone and everything.

Iris had reached her boiling point at week one. Everything that had been churning and building since before Barry took Nora back home finally came out. Iris screamed, and Barry didn't really say anything, too tired and weary to argue by then. After that, she packed her things and left, dropping her wedding band in his palm before she went. Two days later, she filed for a divorce.

The entire series of events had blindsided him, but looking back, he wondered if maybe it shouldn't have. Sure, they had their fair share of problems, but he had always told himself that they could be fixed, smoothed over, and mended. Because he loved her and they were meant to be. But maybe the reality was, their foundation had always been cracked, and he was just too blind to see it. But regardless of the reason, it didn't change the fact that he now found himself sitting alone with a deep ache in his chest.

 _Alone_. Alone had become his normal in the past few weeks, and really it was his own fault. He was the one that was distancing himself and staying away from the lab. He thought he needed time and space. Yet, if he were being perfectly honest, a part of him had hoped that the team wouldn't let him do that again. That they'd... _pursue_ him this time around. But they hadn't, and in retrospect, Barry isn't sure he blamed them. When was the last time he went out of his way to be involved in their lives? The truth was, Barry couldn't remember.

The speedster let out a heavy sigh, running a hand over his face. After that, he set the ring down on the coffee table and laid back on the couch he had been sitting on. He settled in and closed his eyes, hoping a few hours of sleep would clear his mind.

However, he was soon brought back to reality by a distinct vibrating sound, the tune of 'Summer Nights' drifting quietly through the air. Barry sat straight up and snatched his phone from the table. He didn't have to look to know who it was, yet he found himself staring at the contact in disbelief. It was a surprise...yet a very pleasant one. If there was anybody that he needed to talk to, it was probably Caitlin. She had always had a way of helping him through even the most difficult of times.

Barry quickly answered the phone, a soft "hey," escaping his lips.

"Hey," she greeted equally as soft. Yet there was a weariness behind her words.

Suddenly, a thought entered Barry's head, one that he hadn't considered when he first picked up the phone.

"Is everything alright? I didn't miss a meta alert, did I?" He asked with concern, hoping beyond hope that he hadn't somehow not heard it while he was wallowing in his own misery.

"No, no, everything's fine," Caitlin assured, "I just...I wanted to see how you were doing," she added. Barry felt as if somehow she had been able to read his mind and emotions from afar.

At first, he thought about telling her everything. He thought about just laying it all out, and asking for her advice. But then he thought better of it. She had just lost her dad; she had enough of her own grief and turmoil to deal with, without adding his to the mix.

"I'm good," Barry eventually replied, hoping his voice didn't betray him. "How have you been?" He inquired, regretting that he hadn't been asking her all along.

"I've been doing alright," she answered, her tone quiet and even. It was a lie, somehow he knew it was.

"That's good," Barry spoke, because, what else was there to say? She probably wasn't going to open up to him, and he couldn't fault her for it. He hadn't exactly been there for her in the past few years. But...maybe he could change that.

"It's...uh...it's been a while," he admitted after a pause, testing the waters.

"It has," she agreed, a tiny smile in her voice. "Maybe we could do some catching up tomorrow? Get some drinks, like old times. Or see a movie?"

Barry felt his heart soar for a brief moment. Then it crashed, like a train derailing straight off a cliff. Suddenly, he remembered that he had made plans for tomorrow, or rather, they were made for him.

"I...I wish I could," Barry admitted, his voice muffled slightly by the hand he was running over his face. "It's just tomorrow is family dinner night at Joe and Cecile's, and they're expecting me and Iris there."

For a brief moment, he considered just ditching and going to spend the day with her instead. It would be so much simpler. But in the end, he knew it would only make things more tense and difficult for everyone. He also thought about asking her to come; having her there would soothe him, but it would also be selfish. It would force her into the middle of _his_ family drama. In the end, he just left it alone.

"Right, right. Sorry, I should've realized," she answered quietly, a faint edge to her voice.

Barry began to wonder if he'd made a mistake by not saying anything more. When did talking to her become so difficult? How had they drifted so far apart?

"If you want I could come over tonight though," Barry offered, hoping he could still salvage the conversation.

He wanted to see her...he needed to, really.

"No, it's alright. It's getting pretty late anyway," she declined, an apprehension in her words. Barry felt himself deflate instantly, his shoulders sagging.

"I'll see you..." Caitlin began but paused. When would he get to see her?"

"Soon," she eventually concluded.

Barry remained quiet for a beat, weighing his options and his next words carefully. He found that he didn't want the call to end, he didn't want to have to say goodbye just yet. Before Barry could quite register it, he was in flashtime, the world around him now at a standstill. In the next few milliseconds that passed, Barry allowed his mind to drift. He thought about her, and what things had once been between them.

After he was struck by lightning, she was one of the first things he saw when he woke up. He remembered it so clearly, her and Cisco hovering above him, the sound of Lady Gaga playing through the background. He had sat straight up from the surprise of it, a breathing tube still wrapped around his face. After that she had sprung into action, asking him questions and checking his vitals at a dizzying pace.

He hadn't quite known what to think of it all at first, what to think of her. She was guarded in a way others might mistake for cold. But not him, he saw right through it on the first day, and he soon found out that everything she did was because she cared.

Then, as the weeks stretched on and Barry began to accept his role as a hero (and the burdens that came with it) he found himself taking solace in her care. Taking comfort in her gentle and precise touches as she would piece his broken body back together. It was nice, Barry had found, having someone who worried about his wellbeing while he was out there worrying about everyone else's. He was Central City's hero, but she was his.

Weeks turned to months, and they grew even closer. They helped each other through good times and bad; through grief, trauma, and the struggles that came with this path they had both found themselves on.

Somewhere along the way, his feelings for her snuck upon him. It hadn't happened in any one particular moment, nor did he realize it on any one particular day. It was just that after a while, her smile became his smile, and her sadness became his sadness. She had started as a stranger that he probably never would've met had it not been for a bolt of lightning, and had ended up becoming a necessity in his daily life.

Sometimes, he would catch himself wondering why he never told her how he felt. He wondered why he didn't tell her that day in the hallway, or in the quiet of Mercury Labs. Or even in the pipeline when she had held an icicle to his chest and he had _dared_ her to kill him, knowing deep down that she never could.

He wondered where they'd be in their relationship, or if they would've worked at all. And strangely enough, sometimes he caught himself wondering if they still could.

...

The car pulled into the driveway slowly, the faint sound of pebbles crunching against asphalt drifting through the air.

"And you're sure I'm not intruding?" Caitlin spoke with a hint of unease, her fingers still wrapped around the ignition key.

"Of course not," Barry assured easily, "Joe and Cecile love you, you're family too, remember?"

Eventually, Caitlin nodded. "Okay," she answered after a pause, a warm smile tugging at her lips.

Barry thought for a moment, before adding, "But if you want I could take you home. It's just...with everything that's happened I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, or like you _have_ to come with me." He glanced at her from the passenger seat, unsure. He really didn't want to drag her into the middle of his problems.

"Barry," Caitlin answered in a low tone, reaching across the cab and placing her hand on his arm, "I don't mind, really. In fact, I'm flattered that you asked me to come."

Barry smiled softly, giving her a small nod.

"I gotta warn you though," he began as they both unbuckled their seatbelts, his voice almost playful, "it's probably gonna be _super_ awkward."

"You're talking to someone who's family reunions have never been smooth. Or warm," Caitlin only rolled her eyes, equally as playful. "As long as no one turns into a vengeful ice-monster, I'm sure I'll be fine."

Barry only grinned and shook his head. After that, they both got out of the car and began to make their way towards the familiar olive drab house. Barry offered her his arm and she took it, slipping hers through the crook of his elbow.

Together they walked up the steps, both their hearts feeling just a little bit lighter.

...

They began to gravitate back towards each other after that. It was slow at first, but the difference between them was noticeable. After a while, he found that he preferred to go over to the lab for lunch. He would often spend his afternoons with her, going over a case or simply just enjoying each other's presence.

After a while, Cisco began to join them, filling them in on his adventures in ordinary life. It was on one such afternoon that a meta alert pinged, sending them all into action. Barry suited up in an instant, and Cisco slid behind the large semi-circle desk almost as quickly. He slipped back into the team dynamic flawlessly, as though he had never left.

Barry smiled as he ran, Cisco and Caitlin's voice crackling over his com. It felt like the fractured pieces of his life were finally starting to fall back together.

 _..._

His divorce was finalized, and Iris made a permanent move to Coast City. Surprisingly, Barry wasn't as distraught as he thought he'd be. It still hurt, losing her, losing Nora, but every day it got a bit more bearable.

Later that week, he and Caitlin went out to dinner. It wasn't a date, that was what he told himself. They were just two friends having a nice evening and supporting each other. He walked her home afterward, his jacket draped over her shoulders. They talked and laughed, and Barry felt more at ease than he had in years.

About halfway there they got an alert and spent the rest of the evening chasing after a meta that could shape-shift into whatever food he ate. It seemed funny at first, but proved to be quite a bit more difficult than they initially thought. When they finally trudged into the cortex at 1:00 am, they were covered in mustard and smelled vaguely like a Big Belly Burger. Cisco thought it was hilarious.

...

The Crisis happened early. He should've seen it coming. After everything with Eobard, Nora, and even Iris, there was no way the timeline made it out unscathed. Yet somehow, against all odds and everything he thought he knew about the future, so did he. As the smoke cleared and the red sky vanished, Barry stood amongst the rubble. The Reverse Flash did not.

Barry locked eyes with Caitlin from across the battle-torn street, a wave of relief flooding her features. They both exhaled a shaky breath, a quiet laugh bubbling up from their chests. Despite the fact that Barry was the one with super speed, Caitlin made it there before he could blink, throwing her arms around him. Barry held onto her so tightly, her face buried in the crook of his neck. He released a breath he didn't realize he was holding and brought his hand up to gently stroke the back of her hair.

"I'm here," he whispered softly, a warmth slowly enveloping him. "I'm still here."

They continued to hold onto each other, swaying in the middle of the street. Then, slowly, Caitlin pulled away, her hand never quite leaving his arm. They held each other's gaze for a moment or two, their eyes searching.

Caitlin was the first to move forward and Barry seemed to meet her halfway. She gently but firmly pressed her lips to his, her hand reaching up to cup his face. Barry reciprocated, the kiss lasting for several seconds. When they did finally pull away, they didn't go far, their foreheads pressed gently together. Barry exhaled softly and they both closed their eyes, savoring the moment.

They were finally free. Free of Eobard and free of the crisis. They had faced it together and had won. They no longer knew what the future would hold, but it didn't really matter, because they would face that together too.

...

When Barry awoke, it was to the sight of pale morning light streaming across the ceiling. Caitlin lay next to him, their limbs tangled together loosely. She stirred and snuggled closer to him, her arm draped lightly over his chest.

"What time is it," Barry spoke groggily, reaching a hand up to rub his eye.

"Early," Caitlin answered sleepily, throwing a glance at the alarm clock. "We still have an hour or so before we have to be at the lab."

Barry made a sound of acknowledgment and gently pulled the covers further over them both. He let out a quiet, content sigh, and prepared to settle back in. However, his ears were soon perked by the sound of two sets of very fast feet running down the hall outside.

...

Barry snapped back into reality rather abruptly, suddenly becoming aware he was no longer in flashtime. He could hear Caitlin's quiet and steady breaths over the line, and he briefly wondered how long he'd been silent.

"I'll see you soon," he blurted out, copying the last thing he could remember her saying.

"Goodnight, Barry," she replied, her voice laced with something he couldn't quite place.

"Goodnight, Cait," Barry echoed, his chest feeling tight.

After that he heard three quiet beeps, signaling that the call had ended. He slowly pulled the phone away from his ear, simply staring at the black screen for a minute. Then he slid it back onto the coffee table and stood up. He began to pace, the memories of the rabbit hole he had fallen into still lingering in his mind. He didn't know what it meant. He didn't know if it was just his imagination getting the better of him, or if it was something more.

But he soon found that there was one thing he did know; he couldn't just leave it like that. He needed to see her, he needed to talk to her, and not just over the phone. Before Barry could talk himself out of it, he was running, the crackle of lightning urging him along. He stopped just outside her front door, skidding a little as he did. Barry drew in a fortifying breath, and reached for the handle. However, as he did the knob was jerked away, the door swinging open. Caitlin nearly ran into him, letting out a shocked gasp once she saw him.

"Barry," she breathed out quietly. "What are you—"

"I...I needed to talk to you. _Really_ talk to you," he answered before she could even finish. "The truth is, I'm not okay, I haven't been for a long time. And I don't think you have either," he admitted, a raw kind of sincerity bleeding through.

"Can we just...talk. Like we used to," Barry asked, nervously running a hand over the back of his neck. "Please."

Caitlin seemed taken back at first, like his words had blindsided her. Then she smiled, and Barry felt all of the tension in his stomach melt away.

"I'd love that," she replied after a moment, an almost relieved look in her eyes. Like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

Barry nodded, now brandishing a calm smile of his own. She moved to the side and Barry stepped in, allowing the door to close behind them.


	25. Hiraeth

_Hiraeth: (n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, or that maybe never was._

 _..._

 _ **Description**_ : _In the wake of the impending Crisis, Caitlin vanishes alongside Barry. Now, trapped in an utterly fabricated and eerily perfect reality, the pair must learn to live together and adjust to their new life in the Speed Force, as well as the ramifications of what lay beyond._

 **Anyway, here's a 16+k fic of pure domestic fluff that nobody asked for. This is the longest one-shot I've ever written. Shout out to** **ArtemisSnowChase** **thank you so much for all your input and help planning this fic! Also just a heads up, in an attempt to avoid overcomplicating dynamics, Caitlin's/Frost's personalities won't be strictly divided in this fic. Sorry if this is in any way disappointing to any readers.**

 **WARNING: May contain intense amounts of domesticity and graphic depictions of hand-holding. As well as, but not limited to, gross overuse of italics and semicolons. Viewer discretion is advised.**

...

If asked, Caitlin Snow wasn't sure if she could pinpoint the exact moment her decision had been made. It happened gradually, like the sun slowly rising over a city.

To the outside observer, it probably seemed like a snap judgment, a spur of the moment calculation made by a weary soul who couldn't bring herself to lose anybody else. But, truthfully, the resolve had entered her mind long before the actual date arrived.

It had begun when Barry had admitted to her how scared he truly was to 'vanish in the crisis'. When he had broken down in the quiet of her med bay one night and said he wasn't ready to leave everyone and everything he loved behind; even if he knew he'd make the same decision every time. In that moment, Caitlin had made a silent vow to herself; either she was going to stop it from happening, or she was going to go with him. He didn't deserve any of this, he didn't deserve to be adrift and alone. She was going to make sure he wasn't, even if she didn't understand how yet.

So naturally, when the Crisis inevitably arrived and the angry red sky rumbled above them, Caitlin made sure to stick as close to Barry as possible, on and off the battlefield. In the end, she found herself standing next to the Flash, Eobard Thawne's strained and ragged laughs drifting through the air.

"You're done, Thawne," Barry said through gritted teeth, kneeling above the battered body of the other speedster.

Eobard's laughter only intensified, his shoulders shaking from the mirth of whatever it was he found so funny.

"Did you really think," he gasped out, "it was just a coincidence that the sky was _Flash_ red?"

Barry froze in place, eyes drifting to the crackling crimson storm above them. Suddenly, he reached forward and grabbed Eobard by the collar, yanking him up to face him.

" _What did you do_?" Barry bit out.

Eobard only smiled through blood-stained teeth, allowing his head to lull back a little under the Flash's hold.

" _I_ didn't have to do anything, that's the beauty of it. Realities are colliding, Flash, the Speed Force has been torn open," he explained in an easy, low tone. "And if you want even a chance at stopping it or salvaging any form of reality, you're going to have to make a sacrifice."

"What does that mean?" Caitlin spoke up from beside Barry, willing her voice to remain firm and steady.

The Reverse Flash's gaze slid to her, a familiar kind of fondness in his eyes. The same way he used to look at her and Cisco when they solved a particularly difficult problem. It made her feel uneasy, the old sting of betrayal clawing it's way back to the surface.

"Barry is a living Speed Force generator," he replied calmly, "he can take it back with him, he can fix it."

"So the way I see it," Eobard continued, his eyes drifting back to Barry, "you can either stay here and try to stop me, or you can go into the Speed Force and save the day like a good little hero. It's time to decide, Barry. Which is more important to you? Getting your revenge on me, or saving the lives of everyone you love?"

Barry leveled his gaze with the other speedster, a silent fire burning within him.

" _Tick tock, Flash. Tick tock."_

Then, just as suddenly as Barry had latched onto him, he let go, the speedster's head slamming back down onto the pavement with a _thud_.

Eobard only chuckled quietly, "That's what I thought."

Barry soon rose from where he had been kneeling and drew in a fortifying breath. He then turned back to Caitlin, Ralph and even Oliver, an apologetic look in his eyes.

"Barry, _please_ tell me you're not seriously considering this," Cisco's voice crackled over the coms.

"Cisco, he's telling the truth. If I do this, it should work, and even if it doesn't... _I_ _have to try_."

After that, a heavy silence settled onto all of them; they all knew what came next. They had made peace with it, and had already said their goodbyes to Barry and even to each other. Now all that was left was to go through the motions.

A crackle of lightning tore through the sky above them, as though urging him on impatiently. Barry steeled himself and pulled his cowl back over his head, squaring off his gaze as a Speed Force portal appeared in front of him. Lightning began to snake and surge around him and Caitlin took that as her cue to act.

She reached out, her fingertips grasping his shoulder just as the world around them ground to a halt. Barry was startled by the action, whirling around to face her. She had to adjust her grip to stay anchored, her hand sliding down the side of his arm and coming to a stop at his wrist.

"Caitlin," he began, his words carrying an edge. "What are you doing?"

"I'm coming with you," she declared softly, lightning steadily encircling them.

"No," Barry breathed out shaking his head. "No, you're—"

"Yes, I am."

" _Caitlin_."

" _Barry_."

"Alright, listen to me," Barry quickly shifted tactics, bringing his hands up to rest on the sides of her shoulders. "You saw the articles, this is a one-way trip. Caitlin, there's no coming back from this. For either of us."

"Maybe. Maybe not," Caitlin reasoned, "Everything has changed, nothing is set in stone now. And even if it is—" she added, her brown eyes flickering up to meet his green ones, "—at least you won't be alone."

Barry let out a quiet sigh, scrubbing his hand over his face. "Look, I've spent months making peace with all of this, and thinking about everybody that I'll never see again and what this is gonna do to them. But I don't have a choice here. _You do_. You don't have to do this. Think about what this might do to the people in your life. Caitlin—"

"I have," she cut in with a calm kind of finality.

She had thought about it, quite a bit, actually. She thought about Cisco and his new (and for the most part ordinary) life. She thought about Ralph, and how much he had grown as a person and as a hero. She thought about her mother and the months of radio silence that had stretched between them. She thought about Wally and his recent (and permanent) return to Central City. And throughout all of it, she thought about how she might fit into it all, and whether or not she even wanted to try without Barry around. So yes, she had thought about it, and all it had really done was strengthen her resolve. They didn't need her, not anymore, not in the way they once had, and not in the way that Barry did right now.

"I have," she repeated quietly.

Barry regarded her for a few moments more, a mix of sadness and unease clouding his features. Yet, below it all there was a relief, and perhaps even a bit of gratitude.

"And you're sure about it? A hundred percent?" Barry questioned once more.

"Three thousand percent," she replied with an easy smile.

Barry only let out a shaky and breathy laugh, sliding his hand down to interlock with hers. "Okay then."

After that, they turned to the awaiting portal, and together they walked away, disappearing into the chaotic whirlwind of lightning.

...

Caitlin wasn't entirely sure what she had expected the Speed Force to be like, and honestly, she hadn't really had the time to consider it. All she had really had to go on was what Cisco and Barry had told her from their previous encounters with it. So between those two stories, there was a 50/50 chance it would either be a swirling storm of lightning and chaos, or an eerie and empty mirror of their home world.

She had mentally prepared herself for both scenarios.

What she had not expected, however, was the bright sunny skies and steady stream of traffic that flowed outside the window of CC Jitters. Barry sat across from her at their little table, quietly stirring his coffee. All around them the cafe was bustling, the low sound of chatter and spoons clanking against dishes filling the background.

"This isn't what it was like the last time I was here," Barry kept his voice low, eyes drifting to the happy, oblivious patrons. "I mean I don't remember the _last_ _time_ I was here, but when I went to get Wally it wasn't this..." he trailed off.

"Mundane?" She supplied.

He nodded. "But then again, it was pretty angry at me then," he added.

"Well, whatever the reason, let's just be happy it isn't anymore. I would've hated to have to spend the rest of our lives running from Time Wraiths. Or Dementors, according to Cisco," she replied, almost fondly.

Barry chuckled from behind his coffee mug.

"So what do we do now?" Caitlin said after a beat, wrapping her hands around her own mug and allowing the warmth to seep into her palms.

Barry paused, considering it. "Maybe...maybe we could go back to our lives? I know it's not the same, or maybe not even real, but our friends and family are here, and maybe that's enough," he concluded, eyes drifting over the utter normalcy that surrounded them.

Caitlin pressed her lips together thoughtfully, then shook her head slowly, wordlessly. She didn't like it. It wasn't the same, she knew it wasn't; but she resolved to give it a shot, for Barry's sake at least. She then picked up her coffee cup and took a steady sip, if only to give herself something to do.

After that day, they adopted a routine. They would go about their normal lives with the same (fake?) people they always had, as though nothing had changed. They would smile and laugh at all the right times and never say a word to shatter the delicate (and utterly false) reality before them.

But, they always made sure to meet at Jitters at least once a day. To talk freely with one and other, or simply to be in the presence of the only other _real_ person in the entire world. Caitlin had found herself taking solace in their little meetings; it was a welcomed relief in the rigidly phony facade she had forced herself to assume.

It was exhausting honestly, and it didn't help that she barely saw Barry at the lab because nothing ever seemed to go wrong in this new world of theirs. In the entirely of the time they had been there, not once had a meta alert pinged.

It was on the tenth day that Caitlin found herself sitting across from Barry, a troubled and distant look on his face. He had been quiet for the better part of twenty minutes, practically glaring at his cup of coffee. She had tried to talk to him, but only received a quiet "I'm fine," before he once again lapsed into broody silence.

Caitlin had resigned herself to an uncommunicative lunch and shifted her focus to her latte and croissant.

"I can't do it anymore," Barry spoke up abruptly, surprising Caitlin. "I can't keep pretending that everything is alright, that it's the same. It's not," he continued, a pained kind of tired in his voice.

Caitlin felt as though a crushing weight had been lifted, she had been ready to stop pretending on day three.

"I know what you mean," she answered, understandingly. "The people here, even the people we love, they aren't really...people. Sometimes it feels like talking to a computer."

Barry inclined his head in agreement, grimacing a little.

"Now what?" Caitlin directed the question to both him and herself, leaning back in her chair.

Barry blew out a slow thoughtful exhale, running a hand through his dark hair.

"What if we just went somewhere else," the idea spilled from Barry's lips quickly, desperately. "You and me, let's just _go_. We can find new jobs. Get an apartment or a house and live somewhere we won't have to constantly be reminded of everyone we left behind. You know?"

He stopped for a moment, his gaze flickering from their surroundings then solely to her. "What do you say?"

Caitlin sat in quiet contemplation, Barry's offer sinking in. At first, the idea seemed utterly insane and impulsive. They couldn't just pick up their stuff and leave, could they? Surely it couldn't be that simple.

Yet, the more Caitlin thought about it, the more tempting the proposal became. She soon caught herself smiling at the thought of it, a new sense of peace and even relief unfurling within her.

"Okay," Caitlin accepted, an oddly giddy sensation bubbling beneath her words. "Let's do it."

A grin engulfed Barry's features and all the previous tension he had held seemed to melt away. They began to discuss the idea excitedly, their attitudes the most natural and relaxed they had been since the day they arrived.

After that, Barry was all smiles and ease, even going as far as to reach across the table and attempt to steal a bite of Caitlin's croissant.

The next several days were spent mostly at Jitters or tucked away in a quiet corner of S.T.A.R. Labs. They talked over all the details and sifted through various newspaper ads and websites. They even looked at a few places here and there, but failed to find one that really suited them both.

Then finally, on day four of playing House Hunters, they found exactly what they were looked for. It was a townhouse just east of the city's metropolitan area; geographically, it was far enough removed that they wouldn't have to deal with a lot of neighbors, but not so far that it was rural.

"Not too far, not too close, it's just right," Barry had joked from where he sat cross-legged on the pipeline floor.

"Since when are we in Goldilocks and the Three Bears?" She quirked an eyebrow, peeking at him from over the newspaper she held.

Barry only shrugged, "Nothing else here is exactly normal, it probably wouldn't surprise me if there were three bipedal bears around here somewhere."

"Be careful what you wish for," Caitlin mumbled absently, turning her attention back to the ad.

Barry only laughed.

The house itself was two stories and came lightly furnished, but still allowed room to add their own personal flair. It was modern yet cozy, with two bedrooms, two baths, and a decent-sized living room and kitchen. The kitchen came with modern appliances, accents of black and gray darting across the cabinets. The countertops were all sleek, black marble, with a kitchen bar off to the side that served as a table. Furniture wise, the bedrooms were bare but the living room already had a couch and a tv screen mounted on the wall in front of it.

Needless to say, Caitlin and Barry were quite impressed after they completed the walkthrough. They stayed close together as they trailed behind the realtor, mentioning what they each liked about the house and discussing ways to improve what they didn't.

However, the deal had been sealed when they were told the price the owners were willing to accept. The realtor just smiled politely and stepped out to get the paperwork.

Left alone, they stood quietly in the foyer. A ghost of a smile tugged at Barry's lips as he glanced around, bouncing back and forth on the balls of his feet. Caitlin couldn't help but mirror the same expression; they could make this place their own, their new home, their safe haven.

The rest of the week was spent packing up and moving they're belongings.

They started with Caitlin's apartment, because she lived alone and it was easier to avoid any cheap copies of their friends and family. Nobody asked what they'd been up to, nor did anybody call, so it was easy to stay focused and forget about it all for a while.

However, they both knew eventually they were going to have to face the music and at least tell (fake?) Iris about their plans. How she would react, they had no way of knowing for sure.

It was on a particularly chilly and overcast day that Caitlin ended up loading boxes of Barry's things into the back of her car. The gentle sound of raindrops pattered on the pavement around her, making small pools all along the driveway.

A sudden (yet somehow comforting) gust of wind swept over her, blowing her hair in all directions.

"That should be the last of the clothes," the speedster informed from where he now stood, leaned against the side of her car.

"And this should be the last of _everything_ ," she supplied, slamming the back hatch closed with no small amount of satisfaction.

They both stood there for a moment afterward, smiling at each other like idiots.

 _Are we really doing this?_ Barry seemed to ask without words.

 _I guess so_. Caitlin seemed to reply just the same.

Their moment of silent understanding stretched on until Barry spoke up.

"You're soaked," he frowned, reaching up to brush away a strand of damp hair that clung to her forehead.

"Well, not all of us can get dry by running at super speed," she reminded wryly.

He gave her an incredulous smile and shook his head. "Come on, let's get you dried off before we leave."

He moved around to her side and took off his jacket, draping it over her shoulders. Caitlin assured him she was fine, but Barry insisted and began to usher her towards the door.

Nevertheless, his attempts were interrupted by the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. Caitlin was pretty sure both their stomachs dropped. The gentle squeak of brakes filled their ears, and Iris stepped out of the car a not long after. She greeted them both happily and insisted they come inside, even offering to make some hot tea.

Both Caitlin and Barry were soon standing in the loft kitchen, shifting on their feet awkwardly. Caitlin still stood with Barry's jacket over her shoulders, her damp clothes making a small puddle on the floor.

"So, what have you guys been up to?" Iris inquired, turning away from the water she had just poured in the kettle.

Barry shot Caitlin an uneasy glance, his eyes pleading the question; _what do I tell her?_

It was a good question. Because how exactly was Barry supposed to tell his wife who wasn't actually his wife that he was moving out with another woman, (who he definitely wasn't romantically involved with) because he couldn't stand to be reminded of the actual family and life he'd lost? Yeah, it was a weird one. But then again, if she wasn't real, maybe she wouldn't even care.

 _The truth_ , was Caitlin's silent reply, _tell her the truth._

Barry appeared to get her meaning because he turned back to Iris and spoke.

"Um..." he started, a distinct nervous pitch in his voice, "moving actually. Ca...Caitlin and I have been looking for a new place and we finally found a good one. We just finished packing actually." His words came out rushed a jumbled as he gestured to the car outside.

All the while, Iris stood there and listened patiently, the kettle beginning to whistle behind her.

"Wh...what do you think of that?" Barry stuttered the question out, running a clammy palm over the back of his neck.

Caitlin was actually surprised by how much this whole situation made her want to throw herself into oncoming traffic. Or at least crawl into a hole somewhere and never emerge.

However, Iris only smiled the same polite smile that everyone in this world seemed to wear. "Whatever makes you happy," she answered brightly.

It was probably meant to be reassuring, but somehow all it did was unsettle them both. After the tea, the pair stepped back out and got into the car. Caitlin started the engine and quickly peeled out of the driveway. Neither of them ever looked back.

In the weeks that followed, both Barry and Caitlin had a lot of adjusting to do.

Caitlin stopped returning to S.T.A.R. Labs and Barry asked Singh if he could take an indefinite leave of absence. The Captain had agreed, almost eerily uttering the phrase, "Whatever makes you happy, Allen."

With nothing to distract them, they soon set to work unpacking and decorating their new home. It was a challenge at first, merging both of their styles and learning to work with each other in a new and unfamiliar setting.

Despite the bumps along the way, they made it work (as they always did).

What took the most getting used to was their difference in cleaning habits. Caitlin was a very organized person, she liked to keep all her things in order, regardless of the setting. Barry on the other hand...didn't. Now, that wasn't to say that he couldn't be organized. Caitlin knew he could be from watching him work, his job required him to do so. At home was another story entirely. He would often let things pile up in various corners and chairs in such a way that would make Caitlin's eye twitch.

Thankfully though, he was pretty good at realizing when it was getting to be too much and would promptly speed clean it. It was satisfying, Caitlin had found, watching it all vanish away.

By the time two weeks elapsed, they finally had their house " _just right_ ," as Barry had put it, in an unnecessarily high pitched 'Goldilocks' voice.

They had arranged and rearranged until they found a configuration that they could agree on. Caitlin added a few chairs and glass coffee table to the living room, and Barry hung enough pictures to fill a photo album. He even managed to go steal their favorite group photo from the lab.

The bedrooms and kitchen came much easier. The bedrooms, because they each had their own, and the kitchen, because it already came with appliances. All that was left after that was to go on a grocery run and get enough plates and glasses for two.

When they were satisfied with the house, they moved on to the backyard.

It was decently sized and rectangular, a latticed wooden fence cropping it out neatly. The grass and weeds were thick and unkempt, but otherwise, the space was in good condition. It took a little work, but eventually, they got it all trimmed down to a manageable level.

Caitlin made soil beds and planted a pretty sizable garden. It was comprised of mostly flowers, like daisies and roses (Barry even managed to convince her to plant Chionodoxa, though he insisted on calling them Glory of the Snow) but there were also vegetables, as well as a few strawberry bushes sprinkled here and there.

While she did that, Barry had set to work adding his own flair to their little outdoor space. By the time he was done, there was an intricate stone path that stretched from the backdoor to a small patio area with a fire pit. He had also stretched a hammock between two of the trees nestled in the corner of the yard. Because, according to him, hammocks were awesome.

When it was all said and done, Caitlin had smiled contently as she looked over all their hard work. It was home now, it was cozy, it was _theirs_.

One might think it would be smooth sailing from then on. After all, they were settled in and pretty successfully separated from any painful reminders of the world they left behind. Caitlin found herself a new job at a local clinic, and Barry began teaching forensic and criminology courses at the Central City University.

Everything had gone as planned, better than planned, actually. But of course, even in a world as unsettlingly perfect as the Speed Force, problems still arose.

It had started small; a fitful night's rest here, or a bad dream there. It wasn't anything that Caitlin wasn't accustomed to. She had started having nightmares after the Particle Accelerator and had never really stopped having them. Yet there was something more pronounced about the dreams she was having now, they were becoming more frequent and increasingly darker in nature.

It all came to a head when Caitlin awoke one night with her heart hammering in her chest, images of her bloody and dead loved ones still imprinted behind her eyes. She sat straight up as the sounding of screaming filled her ears, frost instinctively flaring in her palms.

It took her a moment to realize the screams were her own.

A sudden gust of wind and a flash of orange lightning filled the room. Caitlin felt the panic in her chest ease up a little, the ice in her veins melting away.

Barry's pajama-clad form appeared in her field of vision, his posture defensive and ready to pounce upon whatever silent intruder had invaded their home. However, upon realizing there was absolutely no one and nothing there, he quickly moved to Caitlin's bedside and knelt down.

"Caitlin, what's wrong? What happened?" He questioned frantically, his worried features catching her eye in the low light.

"It's fine. Everything's fine. It was just a dream," she explained a little breathlessly, her hand reaching out to clutch his in the dark.

He was there, he was solid, he was _real_. She had to keep reminding herself of that.

Before she could talk herself out of it, she quickly leaned forward and pulled Barry close. He didn't seem too surprised by the suddenness of it, and reciprocated, his arms snaking around her abdomen and holding her tightly. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and didn't let go until the visions of his blood-stained and broken body disappeared from her mind.

Eventually, they moved apart, though Barry still kept a firm and grounding hold on her hand.

"I'm sorry for waking you up," she apologized, running her free hand through her messy auburn hair.

Her heart still thundered in her ears, but she was calmer now, the previous adrenaline beginning to drain from her system.

"You don't have to be sorry," Barry replied softly, "you're the one that was having the nightmare. A pretty bad one, it seems like."

"How long has this been going on?" Barry inquired in a low and soothing kind of way.

Caitlin breathed in slowly, shifting slightly beneath the covers.

"Years," she admitted, her tone matching his. "But it hasn't been this bad in a long time."

Barry nodded wordlessly, an understanding spreading across his features.

"I'm sorry," Caitlin repeated, shaking her head at how silly she now felt. "It's fine, really. You can go back to bed if you want."

Barry took a moment to consider her words. "I could, but I could also stay for a bit," he offered intuitively. "If you want me to, that is."

Caitlin didn't answer for the span of about ten seconds, internally debating whether or not she wanted to put up a facade and tell him everything was fine. In the end, she determined she was too tired for it.

"Would you?" Caitlin asked anxiously, the clammy hands of apprehension taking hold upon her.

"Of course," Barry gave her an assuring smile, instantly putting her at ease.

He then stood from where he had been kneeling and looked as though he was debating whether or not to lay on top of the covers. Without saying a word, Caitlin reached forward and peeled them back, scooting over a little to make room for him. Barry climbed in beside her, the mattress dipping a little from the added weight.

After that night, it became a bit of a norm for them. Whenever Caitlin would have a bad nightmare, Barry would always be there, ready to stay for however long she needed him too. Then, after a while, she began to seek him out. On the rare occasions she managed to not wake him up, she would groggily make her to his room and sleep there for the remainder of the night.

It helped. It always helped. On the nights that Barry was with her, she wouldn't have a single nightmare. She would sleep soundly and wake up feeling refreshed.

On the nights that he wasn't, however, were a different story entirely. As soon as she would drift off, she'd begin to dream, tossing and turning restlessly. Then, in the morning, she would stumble out of bed, feeling as though all the energy had been zapped from her body.

Barry seemed to take note of this because eventually, he offered to simply let her move into his room; or move into hers, whichever she preferred. Caitlin had thanked him for the gesture and declined, not wanting to encroach upon his privacy or space any more than she already had.

He seemed to pick up on that too, immediately assuring her that she wasn't intruding and he didn't mind. She remained adamant though, but, then again, so did he. He continued to make her the offer whenever the subject arose and she continued to refuse it.

She walked by his room one day and paused, realizing he had subtly moved his bed and most of his stuff to one side of the room. She had just smiled softly and kept walking, thinking about how much she didn't deserve a friend like him.

It took two months of a hit and miss sleep pattern for her to finally cave.

One morning, she awoke after a particularly fitful night, feeling as though her legs and her limbs were weights. Nevertheless, she got dressed and ready for work, determined not to let her current state of exhaustion get the best of her. And she was exhausted, more so than she'd ever felt. Even long overnighters back in her college days hadn't ever left her feeling _this_ drained.

Later that day, Caitlin caught herself nodding off on the toilet (ON THE TOILET) only to immediately jolt back awake. It was then that she decided she'd had enough, she couldn't keep doing this. She had already tried melatonin supplements and just about every other treatment she would've normally prescribed to a patient, and nothing had worked.

Well, that wasn't true, there was one thing she knew worked.

Caitlin took the rest of the day off, doing her best to ignore the head manager's bright "whatever makes you happy, Dr. Snow!"

She arrived home long before Barry did, and promptly began moving her things to the empty side of his room. By the time he did get back from his long day of teaching, she had everything relocated except her bed. In fact, she was in the process of moving it when he appeared with a _whoosh_ , still clad in the tweed jacket he had taken to wearing. He was surprised for only a moment, then immediately jumped in and began to help her. An almost relived smile rested on his lips the entire time.

When they were finished, Barry insisted she lay down and take a nap, probably because of the very obvious dark circles under her eyes. She didn't require much persuading at that point and soon found her head resting atop a pillow. Barry draped a blanket over her and sat down, his hand running calming circles along the side of her leg.

Later that evening, when they both went to bed and told each other goodnight from across the room, Caitlin drifted off peacefully and slept better than she had the entirety of the time she'd been in the Speed Force.

After that, her nightmares were few and far between, and when she did have them Barry was never more than an arms-length away.

She later learned that he sometimes got them as well. They were rare and not nearly as bad as the ones she'd been having, but he certainly wasn't immune to them. He would roll and jerk in his sleep, sometimes making pained noises or calling out the names of friends and family members long gone.

Caitlin would always slip out of bed and pad across the room, gently waking him from whatever traumatizing experience he was reliving. Afterward, she'd lay down next to him and drape her arm over his side, her head resting on the back of his shoulder, and whisper reassuring words that he had often said to her.

They both had their fair share of restless nights, but thankfully, one of them was always close by, ready to chase the other's bad dreams away.

...

Turns out, even the Speed Force was no stranger to the four seasons.

Summer came and went and the cold chill of autumn settled over Central City. Leaves littered the sidewalks and the aroma of all things pumpkin could be smelled in the air.

It was about that time that Barry and Caitlin began to spend more of their time indoors. Caitlin harvested her garden and got everything in order as all her plants began to whither or go dormant for the year. By then, it was just too cold to stay out at the patio in the evening. Well, too cold for Barry, anyway. It didn't bother Caitlin quite as much, but that was thanks to her very DNA.

It was during the first real frost of the year that they began to make good use of the entertainment system that came with the house. Barry came home with a big stack of movies and they had their own little marathon.

A designated movie night was put into effect after that. They took turns picking what movies to watch because apparently, they both had very different preferences in genre. Barry loved musicals and sci-fi, while Caitlin preferred horror and rom-coms.

As a result, the first time it was Caitlin's turn, she chose a particularly scary horror movie. It was a guilty pleasure of her's, she loved to pick at the logic of the characters and find all the plot-holes. Somehow, she found she enjoyed it even more with Barry because he fell for all the jump scares.

There was even one point in the movie when the demon came charging out of a wardrobe, that Barry let out a high-pitched yell. Caitlin spent the next five minutes laughing and nearly fell off the couch in the process.

Barry only huffed and crossed his arms, making up some story about how he had accidentally stubbed his toe.

"Sure you did," she leaned across the couch and patted his shoulder, an amused smile playing on her lips.

He fell for another scare not two minutes later.

It was okay though, because he got her back as soon as it was his turn to pick. He picked _Grease_ of all movies, and Caitlin could practically feel her cheeks burning from the moment she saw the DVD. Sometimes it still amazed her how strongly the memories of that night still lingered in her mind. Those painfully embarrassing memories.

Barry enjoyed himself thoroughly and sang along flawlessly to every single tune. But his reaction to Summer Nights was by far the most drastic. He practically leaped up from the couch and burst into song.

"Join me, Caitlin," he said, dramatically outstretching his hand towards her.

Caitlin refused at first, her arms crossed and her face no doubt the same shade as the strawberries she had grown in her garden.

"But you gotta," Barry pleaded, brandishing an overly expressive pout. "It's a _duet_."

"And I know you know the lyrics," he added, his face morphing into a playful smirk.

Caitlin rolled her eyes and Barry took both her hands, pulling her up to her feet. Begrudgingly, she sang along, her voice sounding squeaky to her own ears. Barry began to dance around the living room and even managed to pull her into that too. She soon found herself loosening up and even laughing.

When it was all said and done (and sang) they both collapsed back onto the couch, grinning and giggles and out of breath from their impromptu performance.

Needless to say, there was plenty of entertainment to be had as the cold months stretched on and the snow began to fall.

After a while, Barry even pulled out an old gaming console from the few boxes he had yet to unpack. He set it all up in the living room and offered to teach Caitlin. She had just hummed in reply and played along as he explained to her how the controller worked.

They decided to play against each other at first, Barry clearly trying to go easy on her. She threw the first round on purpose, only to completely obliterate him in the second. Barry stared on in shock as the 'game over' pop up appeared on the screen. Caitlin held it together at first, but found she couldn't stop herself from giggling.

"You've done this before!" Barry accused, mouth agape.

By then, she was laughing so hard she could barely breathe. Finally, she collected herself long enough to speak. "There have been times in my life where I've practically lived with Cisco," she told him, "of course I know how to play video games."

Suddenly, Caitlin grew quiet, memories of her now unreachable friend flooding back. She had thought about how much she missed him before, of course she had, but full depth of it hadn't quite hit until that moment. He was her friend, her family, and in many ways the brother she never had.

Barry seemed to feel a similar sentiment, or at least pick up on her's, because he had yet to say anything either. So that was how they sat for a good two minutes, in a heavy memorial of silence.

"I really miss him," Caitlin eventually said, barely audible.

"Me too," Barry admitted, knowing exactly who she meant.

There was another pause.

"What do you think he's doing right now?" Barry smiled, a faraway look in his eyes.

"Probably trying to find a way to get us out," she reasoned. "Or napping on one of the gurneys in the med bay."

She chuckled softly to herself, images of him splayed out and drooling flickering through her mind.

Barry breathed out a laugh as well, saying he was sure that there wasn't anywhere that Cisco couldn't take a nap. One time he had even found him drunkenly asleep on top of a fridge, muttering something about the house being a nightmare.

"We'll see him again," Barry seemed surprisingly optimistic, "I know we will. And when we do we can tell him how poor of an imitation his Speed Force counterpart is."

Caitlin smiled at the thought, both a warmth and a longing spreading through her chest.

"Wanna play again?" She offered, nodding towards the screen. "Or should I say, lose again," she added, feeling uncharacteristically cheeky.

"You're so on, Dr. Snow."

...

Time seemed to pass a little quicker after that. Perhaps it was a side effect of the days getting shorter and the nights growing longer. Or maybe it was simply because they were finally getting adjusted to their new world. Regardless, before they knew it, the year was coming to a close and Christmas time was upon them.

By then, several layers of snow coated the ground, and everywhere they turned there were festivities and hot cocoa to be found.

It was a bittersweet time for the both of them. On one hand, it was their first Christmas together in their new place _,_ but on the other, it would also be a Christmas spent away from their friends and family. Likely the first of many.

To the Speed Force's credit, it seemed to have caught on and had done a pretty good job of leaving them alone and allowing them to live their pseudo-anthropophobic lives in peace.

They received no cards, presents, or phone calls, nothing to remind them of those they so obviously didn't want to be reminded of.

During that time, neither Caitlin nor Barry really speculated much about what the others in the real world were doing for the holiday. Instead, they chose to throw themselves into planning their own dinner and decorating.

When it came to decorations, Caitlin had always been a minimalist. She would usually get a small store-bought tree and exactly one roll of twinkling lights. Something to add a festive flair, but not completely transform the space.

Barry, however, was the exact opposite. By the time it was all said and done, there was very little of the house that wasn't decked out with some form of tinsel, lights, or tiny holiday ceramics. Caitlin thought about commenting several times on how their house looked like it had been vandalized by Santa's elves, but in the end, she kept it to herself. It seemed to be making Barry happy, and that was all Caitlin truly wanted.

She even tried to pitch in and offered to pick up a boxed Christmas tree from the store. Barry had gasped in wide-eyed horror and acted as though having a _fake_ tree was some kind of sacrilege.

"Trees are made of wood, not plastic, Cait," he chastised good-naturedly while pouring himself a glass of egg nog.

Caitlin only rolled her eyes, a slight smile on her lips. She was having a very hard time taking him seriously on account of the elf-themed hat he was wearing.

"Well, every tree that I've ever had was plastic," Caitlin countered from her spot at the kitchen bar. It was meant to be a defense but actually ended up sounding a bit sad when she said it out loud.

It wasn't that she had anything against real Christmas trees, it was simply that it wasn't something that had been done when she was growing up. Even when her dad was around, celebrations at her house had always been very small and understated. Neither of her parents had ever really had the time to spend even an afternoon decorating and they certainly had never gone and hauled home an actual tree. Then, after her dad's supposed death, festivities of any kind became almost nonexistent.

It was only because of Cisco and Ronnie that Caitlin even began decorating again, and even then it was still the same minimalistic style that had been ingrained in her from childhood.

Barry turned to look at her, her previous words sinking in. A small array of very subtle emotions flashed across his face. First surprise and perhaps a bit of sadness, then a few others that she couldn't quite place. Then he finally settled on one in particular. _Determination_.

Barry disappeared with a surge of lightning, only to immediately reappear in front of Caitlin, now donning a coat and gloves, and holding her own winter wear in hand.

"Where are we going?" Caitlin eyed him suspiciously as she stood, slipping into the jacket that Barry held open for her.

"We—" Barry answered, choosing to bundle her scarf around her himself, "—are going to get you your first real Christmas tree."

"I appreciate it, I do, but it's really not that big of a deal. You don't have to do it on account of me," Caitlin assured, accepting the mittens he offered her nonetheless.

"Maybe. But I want to," Barry replied with a shrug. "You deserve to have a proper, _real_ Christmas tree. Even if it's not _technically_ real," he added sincerely.

Caitlin only smiled at him softly, a fond warmth flowing through her.

After that, Barry placed her blue snowflake beanie on her head, and slipped his arms behind her legs, lifting her up into an all too familiar carry. She fit into his arms as neatly and securely as always, the action filing her with both excitement and ease. Yet, as much as Caitlin truly enjoyed their high-speed trips, she knew she had better bring up a very obvious error in his apparent plan.

"Barry," Caitlin's voice halted him as he prepared to speed off.

"Yeah?" He paused and turned his head, his nose lightly brushing the side of her face. She felt her stomach flutter.

"How are you going to carry both me and the Christmas tree home?" She pointed out.

Barry paused for a moment. "Right," he realized, putting her down a bit sheepishly.

His warmth disappeared along with his touch, much to Caitlin's disappointment. There was a brief lapse of awkward silence.

"So, driving?" He inquired, running a hand over the back of his neck.

"Driving," she confirmed, already reaching for the keys.

After the proclaimed Tree Incident was concluded, their days were filled with even more decorating as well as a massive shopping trip. They had planned out all the recipes and got the ingredients accordingly.

Caitlin volunteered to cook the dinner, but Barry had insisted on helping. So as a result, they decided to split the work between them. Caitlin would make the turkey, the pies, and cookies, while Barry would handle all the sides and the casseroles.

They spent the whole of Christmas Eve and most of Christmas Day in the kitchen, cooking and laughing to the tune of holiday music. Barry would occasionally sing along to Jingle Bells and bob his head, flat out refusing to take off the ridiculous reindeer antlers and bells he wore. Most likely because he knew they made Caitlin laugh.

About mid-afternoon they decided to take a break and watch A Christmas Story and How the Grinch Stole Christmas. They both curled up on the couch, warm mugs of hot cocoa in hand.

After dinner, Barry inevitably nodded off, as he always did after holiday meals. Surprisingly, Caitlin began to feel drowsy herself and ended up drifting away not long after.

However, before sleep engulfed her, she managed to hang on long enough to retrieve Barry's present out of hiding and nestle it beneath the tree. They hadn't really talked about presents or what the other wanted, but there was no way Caitlin was going to not get Barry a present, especially when he had (conveniently, for her) ran out of books to read in his personal stockpile.

Actually keeping his present a secret had proved to be a tricky task, especially since he regularly turned the whole of the house upside down both searching for and hiding their Elf On A Shelf. She had managed though, and when the time came was able to retrieve it with relative ease.

When Caitlin awoke the sky outside was dark, a fresh blanket of snow gently coating the driveway and sidewalk. The living room was also dimmer than it had been when she fell asleep, the space now lit only by the soft glow of the twinkling lights and the Christmas tree.

Barry was up and sitting in one of the chairs across from the couch, a fresh mug of cocoa in one hand and a tablet in the other.

"You know, that's bad for your vision," Caitlin chided gently as she sat up, rubbing the last bit of grogginess from her eyes.

"But my eyes heal," Barry pointed out, his face lit only by the glow of the screen.

Caitlin sucked in an exasperated breath, an entire catalog of reasons why that wasn't a valid argument just on the edge of her lips.

"Ok, ok," Barry relented quickly, sensing the oncoming lecture. "You win, Dr. Snow," he added, pointedly reaching over and flipping the lamp next to him on.

"I haven't been sitting here for long anyway," he began to reassure, but Caitlin wasn't sure she bought it.

She spared a quick glance at the small space below the Christmas tree, wondering if Barry had noticed or opened his present yet. It was then that she became aware of two things. One, the rectangular box that housed Barry's present was still tucked neatly in place, and two, there was now another square box sitting right next to it, large blue snowflakes adorning the wrapping paper.

Caitlin looked back up at Barry, her eyebrows raised. He was doing his best to appear occupied with the tablet and oblivious, but the grin that he was failing to conceal behind his mug betrayed him.

"Barry..." Caitlin began.

"Yes, Dr. Snow," he finally looked up at her, an ill-concealed twinkle in his eyes

"What's that square box beneath the tree?" She inquired, tilting her head to the side.

"Beats me," Barry only shrugged, the corner of his mouth twitching a little.

"Uh, huh," Caitlin hummed, unconvinced.

"What about that rectangular one with the reindeer?" Barry asked knowingly.

"I haven't the faintest idea," she played along, trying (and failing) to seem indifferent.

There was a pause.

"You think we should open them and find out?" Barry was no longer able then contain the broad grin that engulfed his features.

"Absolutely," Caitlin replied, donning a playful smile of her own.

They both rose from their respective seats and retrieved the presents, afterwards plopping down on the couch beside each other.

"Ladies first," Barry offered, gesturing towards the box.

"Nope," Caitlin shook her head, setting her present atop her crossed legs. "Your's was under the tree first, so you should open it first."

Barry leaned towards her a little, giving a look of mock suspicion. "Wait a minute, I thought you didn't have any idea what it was?"

Caitlin rolled her eyes. "Just open it."

Barry conceded, reaching down and beginning to tear away the wrapping paper. Caitlin watched him expectantly, hoping she had made the right call with the items she had picked. To her great relief, Barry's eyes lit up as soon as he saw what was concealed beneath the papers. She had selected him a variety of Sci-Fi and epic fantasy novels, and had even managed to get him a copy of a new series he had been talking about even before the Crisis.

Barry's grin broadened as he went through them, looking a little bit like a kid that had just been handed a whole bag of sweets.

"You like them?" Caitlin inquired hopefully.

"I _love_ them," Barry expressed, genuine excitement radiating from him. "You have no idea how long I've been wanting to read these," he informed, holding up his new paperbacks.

"I just noticed you were running out of reading material."

"Thank you, Caitlin. Really," he added, leveling a sincere gaze with hers.

Barry gently set his books down on the coffee table before scooting back onto the couch, angling himself towards her. "Your turn," he declared excitedly.

It was at about that point Caitlin began to take note of the size and structure of her present. Rather than enclosed in wrapping paper, it was simply a patterned box held shut by a blue glittery ribbon. It was also rather large, which filled Caitlin with varying contradictory emotions. On one hand, she was absolutely flattered, but on the other, she genuinely hoped that Barry hadn't gone to too much trouble on her account.

Slowly, delicately, she began to untie the ribbon, the silky material sliding through her fingers. She let the ribbon fall beside her and lifted the lid, beaming when she saw what was hidden beneath it. Inside was a decorative wicker basket with an array of her favorite soaps, bath bombs, facials, as well as various spa products nestled within.

"Ta-da," Barry sang softly as she began to look through it, "your spa day in a box."

She looked back up at him, smiling warmly at the amount of care and thought he had obviously put into her present. "Thank you, Barry, this is very sweet. I love it."

"I figured you could use some relaxation time," he shrugged a little awkwardly, running a hand over the back of his neck. "You deserve it for having to constantly be stuck with me."

"I appreciate it. But you know I don't think of it that way," she reminded.

"Still."

A beat of silence followed, Barry's gaze slowly sliding to the floor. She watched him for a moment, the full implications of what he had said occurring to her.

"Barry," she began, pulling him back from the edge of the abysmal faraway look in his eyes, "I don't regret coming here with you, you know that right?"

His eyes snapped back to her, a strangely vulnerable air about him. Yet, at the same time, it was all too familiar; the last time she had seen him that way was just before he had broken down in her med bay.

"Not even a little?" He asked, his voice raw and barely audible.

"Not even a little," she affirmed, reaching across the couch to gently take his hand in hers. He loosened the fist he had balled his knuckles into at his side, allowing her fingers to slide through his.

"And I'm not _stuck with you_ , I chose to be here, remember?" She assured, quietly and genuinely. "It was my decision to come here and I haven't once regretted it. And if I got to do it all over again, I would make the same decision every time."

Barry swallowed thickly and nodded, a wordless understanding in his eyes. It was then that Caitlin took the opportunity to pull him into a hug. Barry wrapped his arms tightly around her and tucked his head into the crook of her neck.

"Merry Christmas, Cait," he whispered softly into her hair.

"Merry Christmas, Barry," she echoed, a warm smiling spreading across her lips

...

For Caitlin Snow, the cool and crisp day of February the 4th began like any other. She awoke to the sound of her alarm clock and quickly reached over to her nightstand to silence it. Afterward, she swung her legs over the edge of the bed and stretched her stiff muscles, feeling groggy, yet still well-rested.

Beams of golden morning light had begun to peek through the window curtains, casting its shards along the carpeted floor. Caitlin stood and slipped on her fuzzy blue slippers, then started the task of making her bed. Across the room, Barry had begun to grumble and groan, his voice still heavy with sleep.

"You know you don't actually have to get up at the crack of dawn, right?" He slurred, words further muffled by the pillow he had wrapped around his head. "You could show up to work at noon and they'd probably just tell you to be happy."

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I _like_ getting up in the morning?" She inquired, shaking her head at the noise of horror and disgust that statement elicited.

"That can't be healthy, Cait," Barry mumbled as she pulled her comforter tidily over the sleep-tussled sheets. "Mornings are for sleeping," he added.

"Mornings are for breakfast," she countered, putting the finishing touches on her bed.

"Breakfast?" He perked up at that, his messy hair and sleepy eyes finally emerging from the fortress of pillows and blankets.

Caitlin cracked a slight smile, having known the promise of food would be enough to flush him out.

"Come on, it's my turn to cook today," she reminded, tossing him his own pair of flash red slippers.

Breakfast consisted of omelets, toast, and a side of orange juice. They ate at the kitchen bar, the room alit with pale filtered sunshine, and talked about their plans for the week.

There was a time when perhaps they might have read the paper, or even watched the local news, but they had long since gotten out of that habit, seeing as it was basically pointless here. In the Speed Force, there were no crises, nor violent crimes, or natural disasters, or any real news of interest. There was only a thinly veiled facade. There was no need for the Flash, or any superheroes for that matter.

Though, sometimes Barry still liked to go on patrol, just to remember what it was like to be the Flash. To remember the feeling of the wind rushing past his face, knowing that he had the power to make a difference in the world. Here he had no such power, not really, neither of them did.

After they finished eating, they took turns in the bathroom getting ready for work. Within 30 minutes Caitlin was showered, dressed, and ready to head out the door. Barry too emerged from upstairs just as she finished slipping on a pair of flats, his satchel, and jacket in hand. She was eying her car keys in contemplation when Barry spoke up, tugging her attention back to him.

"Hey, if you want I can speed you to work today," he offered, sliding his jacket over his shoulders. "I found a new route to the university yesterday that goes right by your clinic."

"As tempting as that is, I was actually thinking about walking," she informed, her tone light. "The weather seems nice, and it would be good to get some fresh air."

Barry made a face at that, then shrugged bashfully as soon as he realized she saw it.

"You do know what walking is, right?" She teased, crossing her arms and moving closer.

Barry opened his mouth to stammer a reply.

"Not running," she clarified, " _walking_."

He let out a tiny scoff. "I walk all the time," he replied, his eyes looking at anywhere but her.

She only hummed skeptically and nodded in reply.

"I do!" He defended, the pitch of his voice higher than normal. "In fact, I'm gonna walk to work with you right now," he declared, crossing his own arms and sticking his nose up in defiance.

He looked kind of like a disgruntled child.

Caitlin breathed out a quiet chuckle and shook her head. "Barry, I'm just kidding." She let the playful act drop, feeling a little bad for making him squirm. "You can go to work at whatever speed you want," she assured patting his arm lightly.

He looked at her for a moment, an unreadable look in eyes.

"Nope," he shook his head after a beat, moving across the room and opening the door for her, "You're stuck with me now," he added, his tone as teasing as hers had previously been.

"My favorite place to be," the words fell from her lips before she could stop them.

Caitlin suddenly had the urge to cover mouth, or maybe her entire face. Lately, she had been finding that happening more often then she'd like; things that she would normally keep to herself just slipping out. It was a double-edged sword, because, while it was nice to feel so at ease and comfortable around him again, it was also veering into dangerous territory. Territory that was better left alone, locked away deep within the depths of her heart and soul. She couldn't go there, not fully. Not now, nor ever.

Whether Barry reacted or simply turned as red as she suspected her checks had, she couldn't tell. She was too busy averting her gaze, grabbing her purse, and scurrying out the door at a speed any Flash would be jealous of.

Despite the awkward start, the walk was actually a very pleasant one. They took the new route Barry had discovered, and turns out, it was actually quite scenic. The morning air was brisk but not too cold, a light breeze occasionally sweeping over them. It was also overcast, but not in a dreary way, the sun periodically peeking out to provide its warmth.

After about fifteen minutes, both Barry and Caitlin had once again settled into their usual, relaxed demeanor. The previous tension had melted away, or, at the very least, settled into the distant backdrop where it belonged. Instead, they walked side by side with an effortless ease, Caitlin's arm looped around Barry's.

They would talk and chat, then lapsed into a comfortable silence, enjoying the company and their surroundings.

It was at about the halfway point to the clinic when one specific thing that Caitlin had been trying hard to ignore became unavoidable. It had been looming on the horizon for a good five minutes, tall and towering and filled with memories.

It was when they passed the closest to it that Caitlin caught her attention drifting to the large circular building. Her eyes roaming over all the details she could never forget, and her mind replaying all the memories she didn't want to. Had she known this new route would take them so close to S.T.A.R. Labs, she would have suggested another one.

Caitlin hadn't been this close to the lab in a good half a year, and she hadn't expected the rush of nostalgia it brought. Not only for the people that had resided there but also for the atmosphere. Yes, Caitlin was a doctor, and the clinic was more than adequate, but she was also a scientist at heart. A scientist that missed the facilities, and the equipment, and all the tests and experiments to be run.

She loved to look at the world around her, and figure out what made it tick. It was simply in her nature, it was in the nature of anyone who had ever been asked to work at that lab.

"You too?" Barry's voice cut through the contemplative trance she was in.

"What?" She answered vacantly, his question catching her off guard.

"You miss it too," he clarified, nodding his head towards the building. "I mean I run by it sometimes, but until yesterday it didn't really hit me. You know?" He glanced at her and then the building, squinted his eyes as the sun came out, the rays getting caught in his hair.

"I do," she agreed, her voice a soft inflection. "Truthfully, I don't think I could go in there now, I don't want to see that version of Cisco or Ralph. That's not how I want to remember them. But I do miss it, the lab. I miss having a lab to go to."

Barry echoed the sentiment with a nod and matched her pace as they walked, arms still intertwined. Neither of them said a word after that, mostly because they didn't need to. If there was anybody who understood just how Caitlin felt, it was Barry. And if there was anybody who understood just how Barry felt, it was Caitlin.

When they arrived at the clinic Caitlin finally released his arm, only for him to close the distance and wrap her in a brief, but reaffirming hug. She waved him goodbye, and he promised to call her after lunch.

The rest of the day passed pretty mundanely, (not that the Speed Force ever gave Caitlin anything too serious to work with anyway) which, unfortunately, gave her plenty of time to contemplate what had once been her life.

Now, that wasn't to say that she had any regrets, as she had told Barry time and time again that she didn't. But there were still certain aspects of their old world that she missed, they both did, and likely always would. In this certain instance, she found herself missing not only the place she had worked for over seven years but also the luxury of simply having a lab to work in.

However, she knew this was all just a bout of nostalgia; it was like hearing an old song that you used to listen to when you were younger and hadn't heard in years. With its melody, it would bring a rush of memories and feelings, but, like everything, Caitlin knew these feelings would eventually pass. They had made the conscious decision to distance themselves from all that, and it was a decision Caitlin had appreciated every day since.

Before the day was over, she resolved not to mention S.T.A.R. Labs again, and honestly wouldn't have, had it not been for Barry. The subject had ended up rearising later that evening over dinner. The pair had been sitting in the living room with their respective share of homemade tacos, and watching an old movie that Cisco used to love.

They hadn't really talked much, engrossed not only in the meal but also in the movie (in spite of the cheesy special effects). It wasn't until after Barry finished off the last of his guacamole that he spoke up, catching Caitlin by surprise.

"We don't really use the garage, do we?" His words were equal parts musing and inquiry.

Caitlin wasn't exactly sure what he was getting at, but she decided to take the bait anyway.

"Not really. I prefer to park in the driveway," she informed, biting her lip with slight hesitancy. "It's quicker."

Barry shook his head in reply, stuffing a chip in his mouth. The tiny creased wrinkles on his forehead told her he was thinking, working through an idea or problem in his mind. He used to get the same look when a difficult case would land on his desk, or when he was trying to figure out the identity of a new meta. She could practically see the gears turning inside his head.

Caitlin was preparing to inquire why he had asked when Barry again started to speak, absently this time. "It's a big garage," he supplied in a seemingly directionless way.

If Caitlin's interest hadn't already been piqued, that certainly had done it, if only because this wasn't something that Barry had ever really talked about or shown interest in before. They usually just used the garage for extra storage.

"Barry," she said, her naturally mellifluous voice recapturing his attention. "What are you thinking about?" She stated plainly, knowing it was the best way to get him to explain exactly what he had already begun to plan.

He looked back at her, his forehead still creased and his head tilted slightly.

"What if we converted the garage to a lab?" He proposed, the ghost of a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

Caitlin was pretty sure she felt her heart leap a bit in her chest, sparks of unusually giddy excitement flying within her.

"You're serious?" She all but blurted, a hopeful pitch in her tone.

"Yeah. I mean, there's plenty of room and we hardly ever use it anyway," he reasoned, shrugging as he did. "It wouldn't be S.T.A.R. Labs, but it would be something. What do you say?"

A bright smile spread across her lips, vibrant white peeking out from beneath soft pink. "I would love that."

"Me too," he admitted, an air of excitement beginning to show through in his demeanor.

"I'm just not sure where we'd get the equipment," he had once again turned contemplative. "Not without having to talk to 'Cisco'."

"We could probably get most of it from one of the spare storage rooms at the lab. There's tons of unused equipment in there, and we likely wouldn't run into anybody in that part of the building anyway," she informed as she pivoted forward and set her plate down on the coffee table.

"There is?" He seemed both pleasantly surprised and profoundly shocked.

"Wait a minute, you're telling me that that Bartholomew Henry Allen, the _owner_ of the S.T.A.R. Laboratories didn't know we had stored equipment?" She gasped in false admonishment.

"It's a big building," he mumbled under his breath.

Caitlin just smiled and leaned over to steal a tortilla chip off his plate.

For the next week and a half, both Barry and Caitlin spent most of their spare time cleaning out the garage and steadily shuttling equipment from the lab to the house. They started with small stuff, microscopes and chemicals, and anything else that wouldn't require any heavy lifting, and slowly worked their way up to the bigger stuff.

They worked out a configuration for the space on day one, and set to work establishing specialized areas for the both of them. Barry's section consisted of long metal shelving units of chemicals and a forensic station, various whiteboards decorating the walls. Caitlin's was a med bay (complete with a gurney and a defibrillator) as well a small desk with a computer nestled alongside it.

The other two corners of the large square room was devoted to general equipment and a small speed lab. They even managed to get Barry's treadmill with it.

Needless to say, it was a very welcomed and well-used addition to the house. It was just another thing that made it feel like home, a home that they could happily live in for any amount of the foreseeable future.

But of course, no matter how content they could feel in one moment, the Speed Force had a bad habit of shattering their frail sense of reality in the next. It wasn't intentional, Caitlin knew this. She wasn't exactly sure how far the sentience of the Speed Force went, but she could understand that on some level it was alive. It had changed its attitude towards Barry many times based upon his actions. For now, it seemed to be somewhat complacent towards Barry and by extension, herself. It was trying; it had constructed this whole reality for them, a world in which they could live their lives and pass the time when the option of doing so in their home world was no longer available. However, in the end, it still wasn't real, and the ways in which this basic fact would assert it's validity could often be jarring.

Perhaps the most jarring way had occurred early one evening while Caitlin was knee-deep in testing samples. She had gotten home just a bit before Barry and decided to break down a few of her specimens in a batch of concentrated hydrochloric acid.

She was clad in a lab coat, gloves, and clear safety glasses, humming softly as she moved about the lab, entirely at ease and in her element. It was something she had done a million times, and each time it had gone off without a hitch. Until that day, that is.

Caitlin had been in the process of carrying a tray of samples from one side of the lab to the other when it happened. Just as she moved by the door that connected the house to the garage, it was flung open and an oblivious Barry came walking through. His body collided hers before she could react and the tray she'd been carrying hit the floor an instant later, the contents scattered in all directions. But the most alarming thing of all was the wide splatter of colorless liquid as the beaker of acid smacked against the concrete.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," apologies spilled from Barry's lips, his eyes still wide with shock. "I am so sorry!"

He quickly began to stoop down and attempt to help her pick up her samples, but Caitlin's mind had long moved past that. Instead, her brain was now shifting into overdrive as she caught sight of the large splashed droplets burning holes through Barry's jeans and shirt.

"Barry, Barry!" She stopped him, her hand darting out to touch his shoulder. She did her best to sound urgent, but also maintain a mask of calm. "That was hydrochloric acid, you need to get it cleaned off of you. _Right now_."

She watched her words sink in and realization dawn across his features as he glanced down at himself. In a flash he was gone, the gust blowing Caitlin's hair back. She then stepped over the fallen contents of the tray and followed after him as quick as any non-speedster could, briefly inspecting herself for any acid droplets.

The next twenty minutes were comprised mostly of Caitlin standing outside the bathroom as Barry showered, giving him instructions through the door.

"You know I used to work with chemicals every day, right?" His voice was muffled by both the closed entrance and the running water, but somehow she could still hear the slight smile in his words.

"I know, but I'm still your doctor," she replied, her arms crossed as she leaned against the frame.

Besides that, she couldn't in good conscience simply leave him to it, not when it was pretty much her fault anyway. Now because of her slow reaction time, he would likely be dealing with painful burns for the next several hours.

"I'm really sorry, Barry," she spoke up after a beat, the statement carrying an undertone of the guilt she felt.

"It wasn't your fault," his echo of a voice immediately began to assure. "I should have been watching where I was going."

"Yes, but if I had been faster..."

"You're not the Flash, Cait," he called through the door. "I am, and even I didn't see it coming."

He was right, she knew he was, but she also knew that while his words helped she would only truly feel better once she took a look at the damage herself.

Once Barry was finished, Caitlin immediately ushered him back down to the med bay and began to inspect the areas where the acid had made contact. To her great surprise, there were no visible burns (yet).

"And you're sure you aren't feeling any pain whatsoever," she questioned for the third time, prodding gently at a patch of exposed skin on his abdomen.

"I don't feel anything out of the ordinary." He shrugged from where he sat on the edge of the gurney. "I didn't even realize it had splattered on me."

Caitlin furrowed her brow incredulously as she stepped back, peeling off her rubber medical gloves.

"Your healing factor should be kicking in already, but we'll need to keep a close eye on it for the rest of the evening," she concluded firmly.

Barry nodded as he let the hem of his tee-shirt drop. "Why don't you go get cleaned up, just in case you got any on you," he suggested, hopping off the makeshift examination table.

Caitlin shook her head, absently biting her lip. "I need to neutralize that and get it cleaned up," she nodded towards the small puddles of clear, volatile liquid still pooled on the floor.

"I'll do it," he offered easily.

Caitlin shook her head and was about to object, but Barry cut her off, taking a step closer.

"I know my chemicals, remember? Basically a chemist," he made sure to keep his tone light, likely in an attempt to soothe her frayed nerves.

"I know but—"

"But, everything is alright," he reassured, making a point of catching her gaze. " _I'm alright_ ," he moved a little closer, running his hands gently down the sides of her rigidly crossed arms.

"Alright?" He said with a bit more humor in his eyes.

Caitlin laughed softly at the deliberate repetitiveness, shaking her head and looking down, her hair falling in front of her eyes. She felt her posture begin to relax, her tightly woven arms loosening a bit

"Everything is fine," he repeated with more sincerity. "I promise."

She nodded slowly and looked back up at him, only then realizing just how close they were standing. She also became acutely aware of the gentle, ground hold he had on her arm, her skin feeling like fire beneath his touch.

"You'll tell me immediately if you start to feel any pain or discomfort?" She asked, a small part of her protesting as she moved back to put some distance between them, his arm dropping from where it had been resting.

"Cross my heart," he promised.

As the evening progressed, Barry still showed no signs of burning or skin damage, and Caitlin was simultaneously relieved and perplexed. Eventually, they agreed they were both hungry and made their way to the kitchen to start preparing dinner. They made it together that night, whoever's turn it was to cook long forgotten.

The sound of sizzling and soft music filled the air as the pair expertly moved around each other, navigating the kitchen as they had countless times. Caitlin moved back over to the burner and flipped the hamburgers, while Barry stood a few feet away, chopping up vegetables on a cutting board.

As the aroma of spices and beef slowly wafted through the warm kitchen, Caitlin caught her thoughts drifting to the events of the previous hour. Her mind searching for the answers to questions it had raised within her.

"What's wrong?" Barry pulled her back to reality, a knowing inflection carried within his words.

"Nothing. Why?" Caitlin shook her head, her eyes snapping to him.

"Your lip," he spoke without looking up from his task.

She immediately stopped her nervous tick, clearing her throat awkwardly.

Barry breathed out a soft chuckle. "What is it?"

Caitlin once again flipped the patties, the source of her puzzlement coming to the forefront of her mind. "It's just—that acid was highly concentrated. I'm thankful it didn't hurt you, but even with your cell regeneration rate, it should have."

Barry stopped cutting at that and turned around, his back leaning against the granite counter. "You're right," he agreed, grimacing.

It was then that another realization entered Caitlin's head. "Come to think of it, when was the last time you even got hurt?"

He had to stop and consider it. "Not since we got here. Which, admittedly, has got to be some kind of record for me."

She loved him to pieces, but he was right. From what Joe had told her, he had been a bit of a klutz even before his powers; always getting bruises or scrapped knees. After his powers was a whole new level entirely, one that Caitlin had been dealing with first hand for the better part of six years.

"Huh," Barry gave a low hum, his brow creased. "That is kind of odd."

Caitlin nodded along and turned back to her burner, still deep in thought.

Barry started to turn back around too, but then he stopped, his eyes drifting to the knife in his hand. "Cait, I have a bad idea," he admitted, her ears immediately perking up.

"What is it?" She narrowed her eyes at him.

He seemed to think about it for a moment more, then he gave an apologetic grimace before taking the knife and jabbing it firmly into the palm of his hand.

"Barry!" Caitlin practically screeched.

He then let off the pressure and turned his hand towards her, the only visible mark being a light indentation.

"This thing is razor-sharp," he informed, nodding towards his pile of chopped vegetables.

Caitlin's previous horror steadily faded and was replaced with that of confusion. "That's...not normal."

"What is we, or at least I, can't get hurt here?" He hypothesized.

"I mean—" she began, looking just as bewildered as he felt — "it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility, but we can't just make assumptions like that. Any number of factors could be at play. Maybe you have calloused hands?"

She knew that wasn't the case the moment she said it, she had held his hand enough times to know better. He had surprisingly soft hands...but that was beside the point.

"I'm sorry I didn't give you any warning before, but I want to try someone else," he spoke slowly and carefully. "Will you be okay?"

She looked at him for a long moment, her features no doubt betraying her. She could never condone him putting himself in harm's way, particularly when it wasn't absolutely necessary. But it was clear from the look in his eyes that he wasn't going to be able to let this go until he knew the answer for sure. She managed a slow nod, already mentally cataloging where the nearest first aid kit was.

Barry gave her what was meant to be a reassuring look, then put his right foot forward and held the knife above it. Caitlin felt her stomach drop and brought her hands up to cover her eyes so quickly she nearly smacked herself. Which, in retrospect, was actually kind of pointless, since she was still peeking through the cracks of her fingers.

Barry held the knife above his foot for a second longer, before releasing it. She squeezed her eyes shut on instinct, expecting to hear a clatter or a cry of pain. It never came, instead, all that could be heard was Barry's astonished voice. She opened her eyes at that, mouth gaping at the sight before her. The knife had stopped midway through its fall and was hovering, suspended above Barry's foot.

"That's—that's impossible," Caitlin blurted, moving to get a closer look.

She inspected the floating blade from all angles and even ran her hand over the top and underneath it. After they both had thoroughly examined it, Barry moved his foot out of the way and the knife clattered to the floor.

"This is huge," he exclaimed with wide-eyed astonishment. "We have to see how far this goes."

He was right, it was a big discovery and it did need to be tested, but Caitlin still wasn't sure how comfortable she was with that. Maybe it was her feelings towards him getting the better of her, or maybe it was simply the fact that she had dedicated so much time over the years to making sure he didn't get injured, that helping him attempt to do so went against everything that she was.

Regardless, she still ended up right beside him the next day, standing at the edge of the freeway as the morning traffic blurred by.

"This is a bad idea," Caitlin had to yell over the onslaught of speeding cars.

She didn't want him to do what he was about to do, not with taking any precautions. She had told him so, but he wasn't listening.

"It'll be fine," Barry assured. "You saw what happened with the knife, I have a feeling this won't be any different. If this works, it will just be more evidence to support our theory. This would mean that the Speed Force is basically child-proofed."

For some reason, his words made Caitlin's blood boil in a way that she hadn't felt since his early days of becoming the Flash. Maybe it was his confidence, or carelessness, or utter lack of regard for his own safety. Maybe it was because if he was wrong and he could get hurt, he could also die and leave her there all alone. (That was a selfish reason, but in some ways, his behavior was a little bit selfish too.)

Suddenly, she felt like that young, damaged woman again, the one that would lose it a little every time Barry neglected his own life. And suddenly he reminded her of that young heedless speedster, the one that came crashing into her life and made her want to simultaneously hug him and throttle him.

It made her want to yell and wave her arms in the air, she wanted to grab his shoulders and shake some sense into him. She didn't do any of those things though, instead, she decided maybe the best way to make her point would be to turn the tables.

"Alright then. If you're sure, then I'll do it," she stated, stepping up to the edge of the road without warning.

"What?" She watched his face fall and go pale.

"I'll do it," Caitlin repeated, a false lightness to her tone. "Like you said, it's no big deal."

"No, no, no," he began to protest, gloved hands reaching towards her. "We don't even know if it will work with you."

"Then we'll find out," she inched closer to the pavement. "And if it works, this will just be more evidence to support our theory."

Barry was starting to freak out now, his hands frantically gesturing for her to step away. "Cait, please just come back, this is a bad idea."

"This is _your_ idea," she countered, shooting him a sharp look.

Barry was taken back at first by the sudden harshness in her voice. "Oh—" he realized, "— _oh_ , you're mad at me, aren't you?"

"A little, yes!" She hissed, turned back around, arms crossed.

"Okay, look, I'm sorry, I know you aren't comfortable with this and shouldn't have kept pushing the issue and ignoring that." He acknowledged, a regretful look on his features.

She let out a quiet, yet heavy sigh, her breath still visible in the cool morning air. She glanced down, and absently shifted her foot in the gravely pebbles. "It's not just that, Barry. Have you even considered what might happen if you're wrong? What if you do get hurt? _What if you get killed_?"

"Barry, I don't know what I'd—" her voice cracked and she stopped, taking a breath and attempting in vain to swallow down the emotions. "I don't know how I would—" Caitlin let her words trail off into oblivion, opting instead to close her eyes and count to three, willing the tears away.

When she reopened them, Barry was looking at her in a way that reminded her of a kicked puppy, or maybe it was how somebody else would look at a kicked puppy. Either way, she could tell she had gotten through; he understood now.

But just how much did he understand? She hoped she wasn't that transparent, she hoped she hadn't given too much of herself away. Neither of them needed to go anywhere near that can of worms. They were both faithful people. He was faithful to his wife, and she was faithful to her morals.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he spoke, his words low and sincere. "You're right, and I'm sorry. I would never do that to you. I _will_ never do that to you. I won't leave you here alone, no matter what. I promise you, Caitlin," he vowed, his eyes getting as misty as hers had moments before.

Caitlin nodded quickly and genuinely, not trusting her voice.

"Now please come back," he pleaded, reaching his hand out once more. "We can forget all about this."

Caitlin briefly regarded him before drawing in a deep breath, allowing her emotions a second to regulate. She then shook her head. "No, you're right. This is a phenomenon, and it needs to be studied and tested. We are still scientists, after all."

"Yes, but we need a failsafe," he argued.

"Barry, you're a walking, or should I say running, failsafe. Even at your slowest, you could still move faster than any car," she pointed out with an amused smile.

"Right," he nearly facepalmed. "Just tell me when you're ready and I'll go into flashtime, if any of the cars come to close I'll get you out of there."

"In a New York minute?" She teased lightly.

"In a New York second," he gave a playful wink.

Caitlin was unable to resist the soft smile that overtook her face. After that, she turned her attention back to the freeway, the never-ending flow of cars creating small breezes as they passed. She braced herself, then counted down aloud from three.

The moment she set foot on the asphalt, the cars began to swerve and course correct, but not in a chaotic way. Instead, they all moved in perfect unison, carving a neat path around her as she made her way to the center of the road. Slowly, she turned back to face Barry, a triumphant and mystified look in her eyes. He was beaming.

Then, steadily he began to move towards her, making his way through the flow of cars as unharmed as she had. When he got there he took her hand in his, his touch solid and reaffirming. They stayed there for several minutes, watching as the flow of traffic moved flawlessly around them.

It went on like that for weeks. They set up countless failsafes and tested countless different scenarios. Each time they came up with the same results; the Speed Force simply would not allow them to get hurt. Sometimes it's methods would be as blatant as bending the laws of physics around them, or as elaborate as making a truck full of pillows and cotton candy drive below them just as they leapt off the edge of a building. Either way, any accidents or deliberate attempts would be thwarted every time.

As they continued to push the limits of their current dimension, they inevitably found themselves looking for a way out. No matter what they thought they knew about the future, or how resigned they were to it, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Inaction had never been a strong suit for either of them.

At first, Caitlin wasn't really sure how the Speed Force would react to their poking and prodding, or to their searching. She soon found that it didn't seem to mind, maybe because it already knew the answer to their futile quest.

In the months that followed, they tried everything and looked everywhere for some kind of dimensional gap, gateway, or backdoor. They tried every piece of breaching tech and Barry ran around the world more times than Caitlin could count. They even tried going as high into the atmosphere as they possibly could, but it yielded nothing.

In the end, after their latest failed attempt, the pair found themselves sitting on the edge of one of the towering skyscrapers of Central City. It was getting late by then, the sky morphing into hues of pink and red.

Barry scrubbed his hand across his face in frustration. He sighed and laid back on the cool concrete of the roof, resting his arm lazily on his forehead. Caitlin followed him down and stretched out beside him, staring up at the partially cloudy sky. That was how they stayed for a long while, quiet and still. She listened to the distant hum of traffic below and watched the trails of airplanes slice across the sky above.

"Barry?" She eventually said, low and soft.

"Yeah," he replied, a tired heaviness in his voice.

"I'm not saying we have to stop looking—" she paused, angling herself onto her side to look at him —"but what if the reason you never made it out in the original timeline...is because there is no way out from the inside?"

Barry took a moment to process this, exhaling a sharp breath.

"Then what?" He whispered, sounding almost defeated. Slowly, he rolled over on his side too, his body mirroring her own. "What are we supposed to do now?" He was mere inches from her, melancholy green eyes pleading for an answer.

She thought about it for a beat, really thought about it, a million possibilities flickering through her mind in a moment's time.

"We live," she whispered back, knowing in her heart it was the best answer.

He thought about it too for a while, a faint smile ghosting across his lips. They could do that. Right?

They would live; and live they did.

...

The room was alit with soft light, and the house was warm from the fading heat of the day. Barry sat across from her on the carpeted floor, focusing intently on the chessboard before him. His hands were clasped on top of each other, resting gently against his lips.

"Allez-vous jamais déménager, mon écarlate?" Caitlin teased, reaching across the space to reclaim her box of Chinese takeout.

"Really, you're trying to distract me by turning this into French lesson?" He raised a playful eyebrow. "C'est de la triche," Barry added.

Caitlin grinned and gave an impressed nod, momentarily putting down her box to lightly clap for him.

Barry looked at the board for a moment longer, before finally deciding on a move.

"Check," he said with a smirk.

Caitlin reached forward and slid a piece smoothly into place.

"Mate," she replied triumphantly.

"You didn't," he gasped, eyes wide.

Caitlin just threw her head back and laughed. He then grabbed one of the nearby pillows and attempted to whack her with it, which she managed to dodge despite the fact her stomach was aching from laughter.

"Tiebreaker?" Barry inquired once the mirth died down.

Caitlin nodded in reply, snatching their last fortune cookie from the bag. She cracked it open (not bothering to look at the actual fortune because it always said 'whatever makes you happy') and handed half to Barry. He popped the whole piece in his mouth and then got to work resetting all the game pieces.

As he did, something about him caught Caitlin's eyes. She wasn't really sure why it had attracted her attention in that moment, or why it had taken her so long to notice. She suddenly began to study his features intently, cataloging every line and crease, her head absently cocked to the side.

After he was finished, he looked back up at her, only to catch her staring. She didn't stop or shy away even then, instead, she looked at a little harder and leaned a little closer, her gaze fixed in concentration.

"What?" Barry asked awkwardly, a blush creeping onto his features.

"It's just—" she began quietly and with a note of fascination "—I don't think you've aged since we got here."

"Do you do that often, just ogle at me while I'm not looking?" He questioned, giving her a faux scandalized look.

"I'm serious!" Her voice was a good decibel too high as she grabbed the same pillow he had used on her moments before and took a swipe at him. "It's been five years and you look the same as the day we arrived!"

Barry let out a low chuckle at her repeated attempts to wack him. "Maybe," he conceded.

"What about me, how do I look?" She inquired, leaning her face forward to allow him a better look.

Barry seemed to freeze for a second, an unreadable expression flickering over his features and eyes.

"Caitlin, you always look beautiful," he spoke with an intense amount of sincerity.

She felt her cheeks warm. "Thank you, but I meant, have I aged any?"

"Oh," the true meaning of her question finally registered. "No, no I don't think you have either."

Caitlin wasn't sure whether she should laugh or be embarrassed. She decided to laugh, because they were long past embarrassment. They had transitioned into an area of murky gray in their relationship. There was a presence, a possibility of something more, but neither of them ever dared acknowledge it.

She loved him, and she suspected he knew it. She liked to think he loved her too, but she also knew it was either circumstantial or misinterpreted on her part. He loved her as a dear friend, as he always had, and he loved her the more because she was the only one there to love. Yet, a part of her couldn't help but wonder; if there was someone else, would he love her less?

She knew for sure that he would if they were ever to find their way home, she knew that this frail thing between them would break apart and blow away in the breeze, like a dying leaf in the autumn. She knew that what he felt towards her was a temporary thing, a ghost of what she felt for him. But she didn't dwell on that, she couldn't bring herself to. Instead, she just smiled and played another game of chess with him.

That's how they spent the rest of the evening and planned to spend the rest of the next day; simply relaxing and enjoying each other's company. It had been a long couple of weeks, and they both decided a little R&R was in order.

The next morning they ended up awaking early, but chose to stay in bed for a while and read some of Caitlin's new books that Barry had gotten her. He had sat down next to her and curled up beneath the covers, listening intently as she read.

When they did finally make it downstairs, it was Barry who offered to cook breakfast. Caitlin sat at the counter, unable to stop herself from giggling when he began to dance around the kitchen, using the spatula as a microphone.

That was when it hit her; in the five years they had been there, she had been happy, well and truly happy. Happier than she had been even before the Particle Accelerator. An instant more and she realized that even if this was all that they would ever have together, she could be content with that, and she could gladly spend a lifetime that way. She could gladly spend a lifetime with him, smiling and laughing and living their lives in the little world that had carved out for themselves.

She beamed at him as she watched his theatrical display, a warmth spreading through her chest. He was smiling as well and goofing off and just being himself. She couldn't help but think that he looked happy too.

Then, just as Barry was about to go into his big finish, a huge swirling breach appeared mere feet away. He jumped back at the suddenness, both of their faces instantly failing and music that had been playing fading into the background.

Then they heard a voice yelling their names, calling to them desperately. It sounded like Cisco. Barry set the spatula down and moved closer, Caitlin not far behind. As they drew nearer the faint outline of a person could be seen through the haze.

"Barry! Caitlin! Are you there? I can't hold this open for much longer!" The voice continued to yell.

"Cisco," Caitlin breathed out in disbelief.

At first, she felt an overwhelming joy at seeing her friend again, but then the reality of the situation came crashing down upon her. If he was here, then that meant it was time to go back, time to return to their world and leave this little home they had made behind. Back to the world where Barry was not hers, but Iris's, to the world where he had a family and future, and she was not apart of it, not in the way she wanted to be.

In the next few seconds, they both just looked at each other, shocked and astonished. Then for one moment, one terribly selfish moment, she didn't want to go back. She wasn't ready to lose him yet, and she thought for a fleeting wisp of an instant that he didn't want to either. None of that mattered though. Because even if they weren't ready, even if _she_ wasn't ready, she knew that they had to go. They owed it to their friends, to their family, and to the world they had left behind.

So Barry Allen and Caitlin Snow held each other's gaze for as long as they could, the cooking breakfast that still sizzled on the stovetop now long forgotten. He held out his hand to her and she took it, preparing to leave this world just the way they had entered it; hands interlocked, and with no idea of what might await them on the other side.

With one last reluctant look around, they leapt forward, disappearing into a swirling oblivion.


End file.
